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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by this other mother

45 replies

Rosie342 · 10/09/2018 15:47

We all chat at the school gate, general chit chat and all have children around 2-3 who get on well with one and other. All except one child who turned 3 about a month ago. Every time my DD 2 says hello to this little girl she starts screaming, all my child does is say hello. Instantly this other mother picks up her child and whispers in her ear and gives my child a dirty look.
I tell my DD to just leave her be, but she's just turned 2 and doesn't understand what so ever.
Wibu to expect this other mother to simply try and explain to her child she just said hello to her and not be so daft? And WIBU to call her out next time she glares at my child for being friendly?

OP posts:
Medea13 · 10/09/2018 16:21

What if instead of "calling her out" you said "oh, little Antigone doesn't seem to like my Melpomene, has something happened?"

Seems like that would be a far more constructive way to approach this.

cookiesandchocolate · 10/09/2018 16:26

Maybe she's whispering for her kid to be quiet and her face is actually mortification instead of a dirty look

negomi90 · 10/09/2018 16:32

This is a 3 year old. You have no idea whats going on in that child's head. Maybe SEN, maybe just severe shyness. Don't assume that the answer is to tell the child not be daft.
Maybe she's annoyed because its a repetitive scene, but she knows that asking you to keep your toddler away would be unreasonable and the dirty look is at the situation and not at your toddler.
Leave each other alone.

Thesearmsofmine · 10/09/2018 16:34

I would distract my child if it is causing the little one distress. It may be a stage or maybe the child has SEN, who knows.

MyCatIsBonkers · 10/09/2018 16:43

If this happens every time why aren't you keeping your DD away? Maybe that's why the mother is glaring.

LilQueenie · 10/09/2018 16:48

I'd be having words with the mother and asking what the problem was.

If this happens every time why aren't you keeping your DD away

Why? the child is only saying hello!

Toofle · 10/09/2018 16:49

This reminds me of a time many years ago when my child screamed and hid when a certain older child appeared. Turned out the other child had been surreptitiously stamping on my daughter's foot every chance she got.
Not that I'm for a moment suggesting your child would do such a thing. But there may be something going on.

Immigrantsong · 10/09/2018 16:53

OP you can't control other people's behaviour just your reaction to it. So YANBU for feeling a upset about this, but YWBU to say something along those lines as you don't know what this mum actually is saying to her child. Some people too suck with facial expressions and what you are seeing could be completely different to how she is feeling. Or not. Point is you can''t assume. Rant away here, to your mates but don't say anything.

mummabearfourbabybears · 10/09/2018 16:54

I'd be a little annoyed too op. I feel the mother should be communicating to you about why her child is being rude (and she is regardless of any SEN issues). It helps all involved to understand individual needs and allows you to guide your child into interacting with the 3 year old in a more appropriate way. If however the child is just being rude and there is no SEN then mother is indulging it instead of talking to her child about how to greet others and allowing the child to behave 'bratty'. Using SEN as an excuse is inexcusable really. Even children, or especially children with SEN need guidance and explanations and parenting. Not picked up, unguided and with no clear path to follow for when they are next in a situation that makes them cry out. It's not fair on either child.

Spikeyball · 10/09/2018 16:57

Perhaps the other child has sn. Perhaps you could do more to stop your child doing something that upsets the other one.

PorkFlute · 10/09/2018 17:00

If she is really screaming just because someone says hello then she clearly has some kind of sn. Your dd may be too young to understand that but you aren’t and should explain to your dd that the other child doesn’t like it and keep her out of their way.
The alternative (if you aren’t right next to your child) is that she isn’t JUST saying hello.
But if it’s as you describe then no 3 yo without additional needs screams every time a child says hello to them!

RebelRogue · 10/09/2018 17:00

Rude? Because a 3yo doesn't want to talk to a 2yo?

The kid could have SEN, be very shy , have an issue with your kid or maybe she doesn't like your kid.
She's picking her child up to remove her from the situation and whispers in her ear to reassure/calm her down. She's not plotting your DD's demise.

Rebecca36 · 10/09/2018 17:02

Better not to stand too close to this child and child's mother. It's a situation you cannot help and neither can she. Won't go on forever but, for now, keep them apart as much as possible.

Boy did I hate pavement pow wows when I had to collect from school. Stupid, gossipy people with no real conversation. Reading your post, op, makes me glad those days are behind me. You have my sympathy.

kateandme · 10/09/2018 17:02

do you have number?whatapp.or next time your there just go over and say,could we have a chat?is your dc ok?has something happened between our two that I should know of.or is there anything we could do for them?
her answer and or reaction to this will either sort it or tell you what you need to know.

SoupDragon · 10/09/2018 17:03

WIBU to call her out next time

I'd be having words with the mother

Call her out? Having words??

What on Earth happened to just talking to people?

KurriKurri · 10/09/2018 17:04

Maybe other Mum doesn;t know your DD is only two and wonders why you don;t keep her away from her child when her child doesn't want to interact. There might be umpteen reasons why her DD is not sociable, or they may be none.

It doesn't actually matter - it's school gate for 10 mins, her kid cries, she picks her up and apparently gives your DD a dirty look - maybe she just has resting grump face. But it doesn't matter because this is an event of no consequence whatsoever.

'Call her out' ? - I'm not sure what that involves exactly, but I guarantee if you do it, you will look completely batshit.

SpottingTheZebras · 10/09/2018 17:05

You know your DD upsets this child, so why aren’t you keeping her away? At their age, you can’t say the three year old is being daft or control her actions but you can stop your daughter constantly upsetting her.

I would imagine that the child either has SN or else your DD does something to upset her and she cannot best to have her nearby.

kateandme · 10/09/2018 17:05

also if this is something that cant be helped through sen or rudeness just then what you need to do now is help your side being your dc and how he take whast going on.make sure they know its nothing they are doing and make sure your dd is ok.

SpottingTheZebras · 10/09/2018 17:06

Also what will you be calling her out for? Becauce your daughter is the instigator of making this child cry and you all know it.

Oddcat · 10/09/2018 17:12

What on Earth happened to just talking to people?

Exactly , 99.9% of arguments at the school gate could be avoided if people just spoke nicely to each other.

I hate this sort of terminology - it smacks of people wanting a row when there's just no need.

GlassSuppers · 10/09/2018 17:12

I'm confused, if this is happening at the school gate could you not stand away from each other to stop it from happening?

GunpowderGelatine · 10/09/2018 17:14

With all due respect OP you're gonna have to get a thicker skin than that if you're gonna survive parenthood. This suggests potential sensory issue, or maybe she just doesn't like your DD for some completely random reason. Get over it and don't go mouthing off at random women at school!

UnderMajorDomoMinor · 10/09/2018 17:16

Call her out - hilarious!

‘Oi, you I’m calling you out because my kid makes your kid cry.’

You need a thicker skin. This is a non-issue. Just grab you child’s hand as she approaches other child and distract her.

PreseaCombatir · 10/09/2018 17:18

Sounds to me your dd is doing something this little girl doesn like. Are you sure your dd hasn’t hit her or something?
That’s my initial reaction anyway

NeedsAsockamnesty · 10/09/2018 17:25

You could just grow up a bit.

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