To be annoyed by this other mother

[Rosie342]

We all chat at the school gate, general chit chat and all have children around 2-3 who get on well with one and other. All except one child who turned 3 about a month ago. Every time my DD 2 says hello to this little girl she starts screaming, all my child does is say hello. Instantly this other mother picks up her child and whispers in her ear and gives my child a dirty look.
I tell my DD to just leave her be, but she's just turned 2 and doesn't understand what so ever.
Wibu to expect this other mother to simply try and explain to her child she just said hello to her and not be so daft? And WIBU to call her out next time she glares at my child for being friendly?

Just keep your DD away from the child 🤷‍♀️

If they have a friendship group it’s not fair on o.p’s daughter to lose out though. If they stand as a group it isn’t fair to take her away from other friends.

I think it's a good idea to light-heartedly mention it to the other mum (ideally before the crying happens.)
It's not as simple as keeping your 2 year old away. You can hardly start saying "DD stay away from X you might make her cry" without seeming incredibly passive aggressive. Even distracting her isn't going to be a long term solution.

Some people seem to think my DD is the older one, no she's the youngest. They have been playing/around each other since birth and never an issue and my DD says hello to every single person stood there. She does not go up repeatedly to the child. I have tried keeping her away but I'm not going to stop her talking to the other children she gets along with for the sake of this child. The other little girl as far as I'm aware does not have any sort of SN, but it is something I will consider.
It's not the child crying I would say something about, it's the dirty look her mother gives me 2 year old which has got under my skin. The little girl in question doesn't cry actual tears just shouts and doesn't do it when any one else talks to her just my DD.

And I'm struggling with the idea of taking my child away from a group so as not to upset someone else. That's not a lesson I'm willing to teach my child, i also refuse to teach her that her saying hello is bad. She's just saying hello.

Why don't you just have an adult conversation about - I've noticed my DD seems to upset yours .......

Just ask the Mum, no need to ‘call her out’

If the Mum is really giving your DD dirty looks and your DD is the ony one that the other childshouts/cries with, then I'd say your DD has almost certainly done something to hurt or upset this child. Possibly inadvertantly.
Rather than 'call the mother out' why don't you ask if your DD has done anything as her child seems bothered when your DD goes near. Then you might find out the reason.

I also refuse to teach her that her saying hello is bad

I can understand what you mean , but kids need to know that not everyone likes everything we do - it's hard when they're so little though.

Thinking about it , both of you could do with being a bit more mature about this , throwing dirty looks and calling her out really isn't going to help anyone.

Meh at 3 we hadn’t a clue DS was autistic and I had 2 older children. He didn’t like other kids abd would recoil in horro when they tried to approach him and his personal space. I don’t think either you or your DD are doing anything wrong as such but clearly the other child doesn’t want your DD in her personal space for whatever reason. Rather than get into any bother about it I suggest you accept that is the way things are for the moment and encourage your child towards other more hospitable children.

It could be possible she's done something in the nursery they go to together, but no one has ever mentioned an issue at the nursery and the mother has never said anything about my DD hurting her child.

Oh my God OP just talk to the other mum. Normally and politely.

That could just be her face OP. DH has a resting "fuck off" face and has had some comments in the past along the lines of "what's your problem"

they are kids ffs your going to risk falling out with the other mum because of this.let it go your going to be seeing this woman for a good few years if they end up going to the same school
choose your battles

I don’t think that teaching her to stop doing something that is repeatedly upsetting someone is a bad thing - whether you agree the child SHOULD be upset or not.
My kids were big huggers but I still wouldn’t allow them to hug kids that didn’t like it.
I don’t personally agree with ‘they were only being nice’ being an excuse for letting your child repeatedly upset someone. Saying hello the first and maybe the second time may have been friendly but now that you know the child will be upset every time it isn’t friendly any more.
No one is asking you to remove your child completely from her friends. Just tell her not to say hello because the other girl doesn’t like it. Talk to her about the other children who like her greeting them so she is still encouraged to say hello. Continue to let her be screamed at us no good for your child or the other little girl.

Definitely consider sn, not everything is easy to be picked up on. my DS used to scream til he was blue in the face when other kids came near. You need to actually grow up and speak to this woman if she's giving you 'dirty looks'

So Fucking Happy DS16 is at College Now - no more of this Bullshit - because that's all it is.

I'd just politely ask the mother if she's aware of any problems that my have happened in the nursery. As for taking her away from the group, that's just rediculous. I'm assuming at there ages it's a small nursery group anyway, what's she meant to do stand on her own and alienate herself... and calling her out was probably referred to as a conversation..... where I'm from we say I'll have a word, doesn't mean I'm going to go up and start a argument with someone. I'm going to go and have a word. A conversation... people are pretty dramatic sometimes aren't they