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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If this was your work situation what would you do? **Triggering - Rape - Thread title edited by MNHQ**

45 replies

Chiffon · 10/09/2018 12:35

Basically, I was raped 6 weeks ago. Went to work on the Monday and the rest of that week.
Fell apart that weekend and didn't go to work for a week.
I was then working for a couple of weeks and then annual leave and returned last wednesday.
Well the shit well and truly hit the fan in my head over the weekend.
The case is still with an inspector pending review of whether they are going to send to the cps or not.
I literally can't cope with this shit!
I don't get paid for sick leave. I don't fucking know what to do.
And wine seems to be my temporary answer.
Do I just try to go in to work tomorrow?

OP posts:
themuttsnutts · 10/09/2018 12:36

Did you tell work why you didn't come in and did they offer you anything in the way of support?

Original poster
Chiffon · 10/09/2018 12:37

No, my GP put 'stress' on my cert

OP posts:
themuttsnutts · 10/09/2018 12:38

I guess you don't want to share the real reason and I don't think you have to, do you?

But I'm wondering if they understood the seriousness of what you are going through, they might bend a bit more?

Original poster
Chiffon · 10/09/2018 12:40

My boss is a man and I wouldn't want him knowing what happened.

OP posts:
Needahairbrush · 10/09/2018 12:40

Please try to stay off the wine, it won’t be helping. I would:

  1. Book an emergency appt with your GP to see if they suggest counselling / medication
  2. Understand from the police how long it will take to get a decision
  3. Speak to a trusted manager or HR amin confidence and tell them why you’re off.
  4. Dependent on your role can you get any light duties at work whilst you come to terms with things
Look after yourself OP Flowers
Original poster
Chiffon · 10/09/2018 12:42

Should I just ring HR? Their policies are arseholey to be honest, but I could just try.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chiffon · 10/09/2018 12:45

The police officer texted me this morning saying the file is still with her inspector and she can't give a timeframe.

OP posts:
RestingButchFace · 10/09/2018 12:45

Where do you work that doesn't pay sick pay? I thought SSP was a legal requirement after the first 3 days. So sorry to hear what happened to you.

LuluBellaBlue · 10/09/2018 12:46

If they decide to go ahead and prosecute be prepared for a very long process - like 12-24 months.
So just take it day as it comes, be kind to yourself, definitely lay off the wine, it’s a despressent and will make things seem so much worse.
Good advice above, GP and speak to HR.
Remember you don’t need to disclose anything you don’t want to.
You can be as vague as you want.
And sorry OP, I’ve been there, it’s realky shitty and to even go to the police is incredibly brave Flowers

JustHereForThePooStories · 10/09/2018 12:54

Tell work. You need the support. I work in HR and we had a similar case a few years ago where a staff member was raped. We were able to offer support through the company's employee counselling service, sorted out sick pay, and even relocated her to another office when she came back to work as she'd moved back in with her mum after the attack.

So sorry this happened to you.

Eliza9917 · 10/09/2018 13:03

RestingButchFace Mon 10-Sep-18 12:45:47
Where do you work that doesn't pay sick pay? I thought SSP was a legal requirement after the first 3 days. So sorry to hear what happened to you.

Nope, a lot of places now employ through agencies so you are a contractor and therefore self employed or PAYE to the agency who pay fuck all other than holiday pay which they deduct for from your hourly pay.

mydietstartsmonday · 10/09/2018 13:03

If this was my work situation I would go to HR and tell them what is going on. You need continued support.

Eliza9917 · 10/09/2018 13:03

Flowers for you OP.

mydietstartsmonday · 10/09/2018 13:03

So sorry you are going through this

TooTrueToBeGood · 10/09/2018 13:08

So sorry you are going through this OP. Have you thought about calling Rape Crisis or one of the other rape support charities? Apart from giving you emotional support they should also be able to give you some practical support and you will be able to discuss the specifics of your employment more openly than you possibly want to on here.

Talia99 · 10/09/2018 13:15

Please call one of the Sexual Assault helplines. No one should have to go through this alone. Depending on the evidence (i.e. if they need to do forensic tests) it could take months for the decision to be made and even longer for the case to come to trial.

The police should be offering you support but as the apparently aren’t hopefully the appropriate charity will be able to.

catsarebest · 10/09/2018 13:20

I don't know if this would help you or not (financially), but worth looking into if you're taking unpaid leave off work?

www.gov.uk/financial-support-victim-of-crime

www.victimsupport.org.uk/help-and-support/what-you-can-do/compensation

I also agree with PP, talk to your GP, HR and Rape Crisis line might be able to give advice? Do you have any family or friends that you could speak with in RL?

Nesssie · 10/09/2018 13:39

This needs a trigger warning, I was not expecting that topic to come up with that title.

Rebecca36 · 10/09/2018 13:42

Why does it need a trigger warning?

noego · 10/09/2018 13:42

Have a chat to Rape Crisis, Samaritans, Victim Support, GP. Please don't be on your own

Flowers
Nesssie · 10/09/2018 13:45

Rebecca36 because the title suggests a work related problem, and the topic is about rape. Was not expecting it and it has shaken me. I actively avoid any threads with a TW for that exact reason.

Racecardriver · 10/09/2018 13:47

I really think that you should consider some counseling. Sadly this won't just go away, recovering from rape is a long process and it will be good to get support. Get in touch with rape crisis if you aren't already. Mind also offer counseling for victims of sex crimes. You are doing really well holding it together but nobody could reasonably expect you to do it long term all on your own. Flowers

DailyMailFail101 · 10/09/2018 13:50

I’m so sorry OP! I can not imagine how you must be feeling. I know your boss is a man but if you can confide in him it would make things easier, your boss may surprise you and help you I know he’s a man but some men are very understanding. If work understand it would take a load off your mind.

MipMipMip · 10/09/2018 13:54

If you don't feel able to say to your boss that you were raped could you tell him you were attacked? It may be easier but would still give him some understand of why you're feeling fragile.

Pringlecat · 10/09/2018 13:57

If one of my team told me they had been raped, even if they had gone over the trigger point for paid sick leave, I would make sure we made an exception and paid them.

Can you talk to HR? I appreciate why you may not want to tell anyone, including your line manager, but you could do with someone at your place of work understanding why you're not fit to work right now.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you.