If this was your work situation what would you do? **Triggering - Rape - Thread title edited by MNHQ**

[Chiffon]

Basically, I was raped 6 weeks ago. Went to work on the Monday and the rest of that week.
Fell apart that weekend and didn't go to work for a week.
I was then working for a couple of weeks and then annual leave and returned last wednesday.
Well the shit well and truly hit the fan in my head over the weekend.
The case is still with an inspector pending review of whether they are going to send to the cps or not.
I literally can't cope with this shit!
I don't get paid for sick leave. I don't fucking know what to do.
And wine seems to be my temporary answer.
Do I just try to go in to work tomorrow?

So so sorry OP. I used to work a rape & sexual assault center - do you know if there is one near you? If you google 'SARC near ' wherever you live, I hope there is one nearby. They can often offer counselling, as well as an ISVA (independent sexual violence advocate) who can give practical and emotional AND support you through the police/court process.

What a rubbish situation. I wish I had something tangible to say - personally, I'd be going back to the GP and getting signed off for longer; although if you don't get even SSP that may not be an option. Could you ask to take some leave?

Hi chiffon. I’m so sorry about your experience. It doesn’t sound like you’re in the London area based on the procedure that you’ve described. There will be services near to you that can offer practical help with these types of issues as well as counselling. Do you have a police officer assigned to assist you? They may well be a PC and they may well have taken a statement from you on paper or in a video interview. They might be called a SOLO - Sexual Offences Liaison Officer or something similar to that. They should have links to local organisations and an idea of the resources they have available. Some of these services will be specialist eg services for certain ethnic groups etc. That would be my first port of call. Good luck - I’m thinking of you.

Thank you for the replies. To the lady who asked for a trigger warning, I'm sorry, it never entered my head.
I am in London and I do have a dedicated police officer. It is she who texted me this morning.
HR in this company are not terribly nice. They seem to exist as a legal department rather than anything else.
They have referred me to victims support and some other thing but I've heard nothing.
In response to the text this morning where at the end the police officer said 'I hope you're ok' I replied that I wasn't and was taking sick leave from work. I haven't heard back.

Was not expecting it and it has shaken me.

Try to have a bit of compassion. The OP obviously has a lot more on her mind FFS.

And yes, a poster mentioned forensic tests. Basically his version is that he never penetrated me, but they have taken a swab of his penis and a swab of my mouth for DNA which the officer did mention would take months. I'm not sure from what the police said whether the decision to send to the CPS would be dependant on that result or not. In my head I think they were going to review my interview and his and base their decision on that, but maybe I got that wrong.

Would you be comfortable telling your boss that you were the victim “of a very serious crime”?

One thought is that if you can bring yourself to go to work then it may help you get through the days.

A very different situation but when my pregnancy with ds started looking like it was going very very wrong I was offered time off but I found that being at home gave me time to think and my thought patterns were not helpful. At work I was busy and fed up with having too much work and a bit stressed as a result and it meant that I went for a good hour at a time without thinking about it.

I guess I just can't believe a decision hasn't been even made to send it to the CPS for them to make a decision! They did warn me about the time line but God above.

Honestly I would be extremely surprised if your case had progressed that quickly. I'm also in London and it took 18 months for my case to go from reporting to Inspector review. This is likely just the initial "look over" the case, and the main investigation is likely to take months. DNA confirmation took nearly a year. The initial viewing by CPS is just to give the police info on what to focus on. I'm saying all this because you aren't going to be able to go off sick for the time this is likely to take.

I had to give up my job in the end. I managed to get something low stress working from home, but it comes with less pay. Oh and the police "lost" a vital bit of evidence in my case so the whole things been dropped by them now anyway!

Basically I don't see you getting any conclusion in this situation any time soon so you're going to have to think of what you'll do long term. There will be many, many months of waiting ahead of you. I wish I had something more positive to say but the police handled my case terribly and my rapist walks free. I would urge you to try and get counselling asap. I didn't and I'm paying the price for that now.

Saying get counselling is great, but how?

Did you go to the Haven? They can refer you and it's quick apparently. I can't go to them now as they only offer support for up to a year.

No, I didn't go there.

SlartiAardvark
I’m not just some hysterical woman, there is a reason I don’t read threads about this topic. I only asked for the tw to stop any other affected people from accidentally reading this.

Op - I know it wasn’t intentional, MN have added it now
I just want to say, it does get easier. You won’t notice it but it will

You should have a SOIT officer (although mine left after a month and I got no replacement!) so I would ask them about it. They should have given you all this info. I really feel for you because I've been where you are and it's truly horrendous. I so wish I could say that you did the right thing and the police will do a great job etc but sadly that hasn't been my experience. Mine's currently being "reviewed" after I appealed the inspectors decision not to pass it to the CPS. And now they're completely stonewalling me. I haven't had an update for months, they won't admit the mistake they made. It's almost worse than what I went through in the first place. But that's why I say I wish I'd gone for the counselling in the first place as now I really need it I can't get it.

@Chiffon try to concentrate on something else because sadly these thing do take time. I know it's easier said than done, but it can take them few more months to see whether they have enough clear evidence so try to distract yourself at least few times a day so you don't think about it non stop. Remember that the goal of CPS is to convince jury beyond reasonable doubt that defendant commited that crime. I know it can seem like it shouldn't be so difficult but unfortunately it is. They are on your side. They want to see him punished, but they have to be careful how they go about it so he wouldn't walk.

and (chocolate is always helpful)

@Storm4star make an official complaint to IPCC. This is horrendous

I fully intend to. Essentially they didn't collect a vital piece of evidence at the time due to "resources" and, after 18 months of waiting, they decided not to send it to the CPS because they didn't have that piece of evidence! And I told them at the time, numerous times, please take this!! But 18 months later it was gone and too late. Can't really say more than that but that's it in a nutshell. And now, because they know they're in the wrong, they've gone from all the friendly, nice stuff to being cold and off with me. Apparently a review is meant to take 6 weeks. It's now been 4 months and counting!

@Chiffon
If I could go back and give myself advice right at the start of this, it would be firstly counselling. Secondly, don't put your life on hold waiting for justice. Conviction rates for rape are shockingly low and god knows how many more cases (like mine) never even see a Court room. The police kept telling me the evidence was strong, we had a good case etc and I wish they hadn't, because they built up my hopes that my case would be different. I would be one of the few that actually got justice. That made the fall even harder when it came.
Don't make the mistake I did and let him take even one more single day away from you. As hard as it is (and god I know how hard) try not to put any thoughts or emotions into the case. Think about you and only you.

OP, I’m sure you said in an earlier thread that you were an A&E nurse - I’m certain they have employee counselling services and sick pay, if you don’t feel you can speak to HR check out their policies and employee wellbeing section on your internal web pages - I hope you can access some help.

*’they’ meaning NHS of course (assuming you are an NHS nurse)

Yes it's the NHS.