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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

That old people deserve nice food.

153 replies

sweethope · 09/09/2018 23:13

This photo was took by a relative of someone in a care home for the elderly of a meal given today.. Aibu to say old people much better than that.

That old people deserve nice food.
OP posts:
HelenaDove · 12/09/2018 17:18

Ah the "oh but i didnt mean you" chestnut.

headstone · 12/09/2018 17:21

BlueIady have no idea how to provide more nice care homes or improve quality standards. The problem is just getting worse with an aging population. This home closing down does not sort out the problem, it will just make it worse. I would never send my parents to a home like this. If this was the only option I would find away to accommodate them at home.

Bluelady · 12/09/2018 17:21

I know. And she was talking about people just like me.

HelenaDove · 12/09/2018 17:21

Well at least we know now the attitudes behind the 3am hospital discharges some of us have read about on here in the past.

LookAtMeLookAtMoy · 12/09/2018 17:24

I worked in care for 10+ yrs and have reported every home I've worked in.
CQC sent someone in to one home who spoke to staff while the home manager was stood a few feet away, how were the staff supposed to be honest in that situation?

In the first home I worked in I was told off for giving a decent sized portion, the manager / owner said that she wanted the residents stomachs to shrink not expand. This was not for overweight residents.

I've never seen a non-wealthy care home owner.

bellinisurge · 12/09/2018 17:26

Elderly people (I speak from experience) really struggle with their appetite and what they fancy eating. I can envisage a situation where "a bit of ham" and "some chips" might be what they will have a go at eating. However, this is part of a wider picture and it is important that an care home/nursing home resident is treated with respect.

headstone · 12/09/2018 17:28

Luvsmalldogs for those with mental health problems I think they have to go to more specialist nursing homes which I believe are better funded and probably nicer.
I would actually like a society where both sexes took a more active role in their relatives care. It isn’t going to happen so we will just have to accept these granny farms I suppose until they bring in a dignitas solution in the near future.

HelenaDove · 12/09/2018 17:29

headstone And how is someone who lives in social housing supposed to do that when the housing association doesnt allow it.

Are they supposed to risk eviction by making changes to the property so they can accomodate their relative?

My HA moaned like fuck about my DHs mobility scooter and he is a fucking tenant.

TheFallenMadonna · 12/09/2018 17:30

"I appreciate that many elderly people in care homes suffer with Alzheimer’s or dementia and may refuse veg. But it should be put on their plate anyway."

The plate looks sad to me, but this comment is pretty sad too. Put the veg on their plate even if they refuse it? Maybe refuse them pudding if they don't clear their plate too?

Bluelady · 12/09/2018 17:32

Oh God, I missed that one. Treat elderly people like Victorian children? Perhaps send them to bed without their tea?

knittedwoollenmouse · 12/09/2018 17:32

Dh provided support for his mum for ten years and it damn near crushed both of us. It was relentless and soul destroying.

Ollivander84 · 12/09/2018 17:38

It is hard. I try and make what people want but if you're going somewhere where there is nothing much in the fridge and you have 20 mins to make something, give medication, maybe wash up, assist to the toilet, it's tricky
One guy will refuse everything except soup and scrambled egg on toast
One won't eat, and has severe dementia, so I make hot chocolate and tip some a lot of cream/milk/sugar in

It's not easy, I'm paid about £8.20ph and not paid for travel time (except mileage) and I really struggled with body fluids at first!
Now it's just another body part, some people are really self conscious about being showered or having bowel movements etc and you just do what you can. I mostly chatter away inanely about complete shite!

I couldn't do it 24/7 though, and I believe care homes are completely different to work in

Ollivander84 · 12/09/2018 17:40

And no, if they don't want it then I would put veg in a side dish for them to help themselves. Quite honestly some people if I get jam sponge and custard down them, that's a really good day

What do you do with someone who is not only completely deaf but severe dementia, tries to kick you out the house, won't eat anything and would sleep all day and all night if allowed? I'm not forcing her to eat veg! She can have whatever she wants providing it's got calories in it

Beargoesgrr · 12/09/2018 17:40

I think it’s a pretty shoddy excuse of a meal, but in truth, no different to what my husbands gran eats of her own voilotion- given a choice between something nicer or a handful of rubbish, she prefers the rubbish food.

Bluelady · 12/09/2018 17:46

Ollivander, I think people like you are bloody saints. Thank goodness for a breath of sanity and realism on this thread.

Ollivander84 · 12/09/2018 17:57

I am definitely not a saint! I have no patience, I don't really like people Grin and I am the least caring person you could imagine. My dad laughed when I told him I was starting evenings as a carer

HelenaDove · 12/09/2018 17:57

Ollivander Thanks

BlueJava · 12/09/2018 18:01

That's shocking. I used to work part time in a nursing home as a weekend cook (whilst at Uni) and would never have served anything like that let alone thrown it on the plate. I would complain.

EmilyRosiEl · 12/09/2018 18:01

Chips look overcooked, hat looks like it's probably cold? Of course they should do better than that. Even a sandwich would be better or some soup.

EmilyRosiEl · 12/09/2018 18:03

Oh also I cared for a dementia sufferer full-time in my twenties and maintaining optimal nutrition for her, was really important but not that difficult!

bellinisurge · 12/09/2018 18:04

It got to the point with my dad, and later with my mum, that I was desperate to get anything into them. Including stuff that wasn't particularly nutritious.

Bluelady · 12/09/2018 18:25

Me too. I well remember the day I managed to get a tiny tub of Haagen Daas down my mum and we were fit to break out the champagne.

TheresSomebodyAtTheDoooorrr · 12/09/2018 18:26

I'm honestly shocked.

I work for a chain that's not very well regarded by the media but our residents eat fantastic, home cooked meals daily. If they don't fancy it, they get whatever they want that's off menu instead! I'd be furious if I walked into any of the homes and see that being offered up (unless that's what the person genuinely wanted!)

ShedDevon · 12/09/2018 18:27

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6150907/Granddaughter-slams-care-home-serves-grandmother-79-frozen-chips-one-slice-ham.html

Sorry for fail link but this has more details on the incident (from the grand daughters mouth) and the home was told least year food was below standard

Buswankeress · 12/09/2018 20:39

"I appreciate that many elderly people in care homes suffer with Alzheimer’s or dementia and may refuse veg. But it should be put on their plate anyway."

I see your point, however it can be counterproductive with some, they are overfaced by too much, or food they don't like and then refuse anything at all, I've looked after people that we've literally given two bites of everything to on a small plate, and then added to it as they eat a little at a time.

As far as I was concerned, if someone wanted a plate of biscuits for their tea, they got it, as long as they ate something. And let's not forget that the residents in care homes have lived lives, many cared for families, grandchildren, cooked, worked etc - they have the right to decide what they want on their plate, if it doesn't fall in line with what someone else wants then tough I'm afraid. They're the important ones in all this.
But as I've already said nothing will change until society wakes up to the fact that care is a business and is run as such, and demands a change. But the majority of people don't think about stuff like this (unless personally involved) until something like this hits the headlines, they express their disgust, and then go back to their lives. Care needs to be non profit, so that fees go towards what they should - the people in their care. I wish I knew how to change this, but I don't, I've come out of care because I don't want to be a party to lining someone's pockets on the suffering of others.
And the CQC, imo, are useless. As long as the paperwork is in order then they trot off again, there's no in depth investigation into anything. They need to send undercover carers in as a matter of course - I guarantee that there would be a massive uproar when it was discovered what truly goes on. The problem is there's little in the way of come back on the actual owners at all, floor staff and management take the blame every time.

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