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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder how DH can love me if he hates my parents?

38 replies

SoCockneyItHurts · 09/09/2018 12:40

Just that really. DH hates my parents who I love dearly. Last night he asked me "has anyone ever told you you're just like your dad?" meaning "loud and obnoxious". I replied with the fact that I'm a product of them both so I'm obviously going to have some traits right? I was only talking about an X Factor contestant!

OP posts:

HoleyCoMoley · 09/09/2018 12:42

What traits has he got from his parents, try and ignore his stupid comments. He's just trying to wind you up

MaryBerrysChutney · 09/09/2018 12:43

Entirely and easily possible. What is your concern, really?

guest2013 · 09/09/2018 12:48

I hate my in laws. I don't trust them and I think they are horrible people who use religion to mask their ignorance, selfishness and self righteousness.
However, I love my husband very much. He has his flaws and I can see the ones that he's got from them but ultimately he's very different.
So yes, it's definitely possible. Oh and he still very much loves them.

Mrsharrison · 09/09/2018 12:49

Does he actually hate them or does he find them irritating? Hate is a big word.

SomeKnobend · 09/09/2018 12:52

That's stupid tbh. It's a cultural norm to dislike your op's parents, hence all the in-law jokes. Not to mention all the threads on here. People don't like their in laws, get over yourself.

chillpizza · 09/09/2018 12:52

Of course you can and just because they share a few traits doesn’t mean you don’t love the person. I love my dh not so keen on my in laws and can see he has certain traits from them but I love him so they are overlooked.

BarbarianMum · 09/09/2018 12:52

Not sure that the 2 are necessarily that closely-related. Is your father loud and obnoxious?

LemonSqueezy0 · 09/09/2018 12:56

When you say "meaning loud and obnoxious" has that come from you or your DH? Are you assuming that's what he means?

I sometimes point out to my DH when he's being like his mum, but it's when he's fussing around me, and being very kind so it's not a criticism, more of an observation and nice comment.

It wouldn't be the first time though, someone didn't have alot in common with their in laws if he doesn't like them (hate is a strong word!) how do you feel about his parents?

pigsDOfly · 09/09/2018 13:05

I think it very much depends on the relationship you have with someone as to how much you are willing to accept their flaws. He probably doesn't have a deep enough relationship with your parent to over look the things about them that annoy him.

My DD finds certain aspects of her DH a bit iffy but accepts them because she knows another side of him.

I, on the other hand, only see him as an arsehole if I'm honest, rather racist and a bully. Can't say I'm fond of him at all.

WizardOfToss · 09/09/2018 13:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 09/09/2018 13:12

If you were actually being loud and obnoxious, you can't blame that on your Dad

But yes, it's possible to love someone and hate their parents.

maxthemartian · 09/09/2018 13:15

I think yes it's possible if there's a good reason, but if your parents are lovely people and he's just nasty about them for no reason then he's being deeply unkind to you and I'm not surprised you are questioning whether or not he loves you.

PussInSandals · 09/09/2018 13:19

If you got divorced and hated exDH, does that mean you couldn't possibly love your DC anymore??

fbsg · 09/09/2018 13:23

Yes it’s possible to love someone and hate their parents, if that person doesn’t share the traits that you hate in their parents. But he was making a direct comparison between you and someone he hates, and I’m assuming he was doing so in order to be critical and unkind. So that is worrying, I think.

diddl · 09/09/2018 13:24

Loud & obnoxious is something that you can decide not to be though!

As a pp says-does he really hate them?

I find my Ils difficult & there are things that really annoy me-but hate?

Aquamarine1029 · 09/09/2018 13:31

How do your parents treat your husband?Perhaps he has cause to dislike them.

maxthemartian · 09/09/2018 13:34

If he says he hates them, and then tells you you're like them, then he's being nasty to you. Which is obviously not a good thing.
"Loud and obnoxious" is subjective, and I'm pretty sure no-one does it deliberately.

happypoobum · 09/09/2018 13:41

YABU

Of course you can love someone whilst hating their parents

Why would you think this wasn't possible, I don't really understand?

WorraLiberty · 09/09/2018 13:48

"Loud and obnoxious" is subjective, and I'm pretty sure no-one does it deliberately.

Does that mean you'd never pull someone up for being loud and obnoxious towards you?

Wispaismyfave · 09/09/2018 13:52

I very very much dislike (hate is a strong word) my in laws. There are aspects of my husband's behaviour/personality that I dislike, luckily they only come out during an argument but I can see where they come from.

If I had to like my in laws to be married to my husband well I wouldn't be married to him. Luckily I don't have to and I'm very happily married. It has caused friction over the years but not to the extent that it'd ruin our relationship.

maxthemartian · 09/09/2018 13:53

Does that mean you'd never pull someone up for being loud and obnoxious towards you?

Not sure tbh! I don't think I've done so yet - I tend to avoid people I find obnoxious.

heartsease68 · 09/09/2018 13:56

Yes of course it's possible.

But if he's open about hating them then he's being highly offensive in telling you you're like them. Of course you would question it then.

bastardkitty · 09/09/2018 13:56

If he hates your parents and frequently tells you you're just like them, he doesn't like you very much. It sounds so basic but sometimes that's exactly what an abusive person needs in a partner - someone to hate on.

WorraLiberty · 09/09/2018 13:56

Me too maxthemartian but occasionally I'll come across them at work or when out shopping or something.

I don't care if they're doing it deliberately or not. It doesn't give them the right to be like that towards others.

WorraLiberty · 09/09/2018 13:58

The OP hasn't said he frequently tells her, bastardkitty?

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