Anyone overcome driving anxiety?

[babysharksmummy]

So I'm almost 30, and still can't drive.
My job involves seeing clients all over the city I live in so it would be REALLY handy if I could drive.
15 mins by car to my office, one hour on public transport.
I've had over 80 lessons but am just so anxious about accidents (my DM was in a bad accident and I also got been knocked down by a bus just before I was about to take my test) and I suffer from bad anxiety anyway.
Looked into automatic but won't be able to afford an automatic car so that's not really great for me.
Anyone on here overcome driving anxiety and can now drive legally and without fear? I REALLY want to do this!
Also, I've done an intensive course before, and it was a shit show. The instructor was horrible and on the day before the test he said to me 'wear a short skirt for the test, that's the only way you've got a chance in hell of passing'. I don't fancy doing intensive.
Positive stories VERY welcome!

I know you said you can’t afford an automatic but that is what helped me over my driving anxiety. I have been driving now for over 10 years and have driven all over England and Ireland. I still get nervous and like to plan journeys looking on google maps satellite so I know what to expect on long journeys but every year it gets easier. I have had been in 3 accidents - but only 1 where I was at fault a small prang at the supermarket other people hit me. They set me back a little bit but I need to drive for my children and work so needed to deal with it. I would really recommend an auto as it does make it so much easier. Good luck - it can done! 😀

Sorry - It can be done!

Me. Sort of.

I posted about it last year so feel free to have a look. Basically I passed my test when I was 20 and never drove again because I was so terrified. At 36 I had my second child and I knew something had to change. I wanted to drive so badly and felt like an utter failure because I couldn't do it. Every time I had tried over the years I was overcome with anxiety and couldn't take it any further.

Anyway, I was totally committed to overcoming my fear because getting around with two young children was a hassle and I wanted to teach them to overcome their fears, so had to overcome mine.

I bought a car. Brand new (go big or go home...) and after sitting in a million cars, the only one that I felt ok with and met my needs in terms of car seats. I started small, a couple of local streets with DH in the car and worked up from there. For a good six months I pretty much had an anxiety attack every time I needed to drive and was left shakey for hours after.

It has now been over a year and I drive. I don't have a panic attack and manage ok. My driving world is very very small still - I only drive to work, the nursery run, supermarket, doctors, some friends houses, the park, etc and have still never been on a motorway. But honestly I'm ok with that, I never ever thought I would get this far. I still don't like driving and sometimes get scared but I love the freedom and convenience.

Anyway, that's a very long way of saying it can be done! But you need to be 100% committed and you need to accept that you are going to be afraid. I literally had the runs every time I had to drive at first, but I kept going. It's something I am very proud of.

Yes. Had a massive fear of driving and accidents. Started learning in my 30s and cried every lesson. Got a new instructor who kept me relaxed and I managed to pass my test and 5 days later my OH got into a (non car related) accident which meant he couldn't drive for 9 months and I had to move an hour from my work to live with him so suddenly had loads of driving to do. Terrifying at first but got easier and easier and now i love it. I genuinely couldn't imagine not being able to drive and wish I'd tried to overcome my fear much sooner because life would have been easier driving

Yes I have. I was my instructors most nervous driver apparently. I had lots of lessons and eventually passed first time and bought myself a car. I did scrape it a few times (nothing major, scrapes with walls etc not other vehicles!) so I would recommend getting a cheap runaround to start with. But every time I stop driving, or don’t drive much, or have to go on a new journey etc the anxiety returns so I need to make sure i keep at it.

Having a satnav was really helpful to overcome any anxieties about driving in unfamiliar places. And ensuring that every action is carried out in slow motion in the snow or icy conditions.
But generally, it was just driving every day that did it, until it became automatic.

Yes to forcing yourself to drive every day. I can go a good few days without needing to use the car but I try to make myself go out every day or the anxiety starts to return.

Like mistermagpie my answer would have to be "sort of". I failed my driving test twice in my early 20s. I was self sabotaging as a friend had died in an RTC and passing would have felt like betraying her. I had some major incentives to learn to drive because I'm a horse rider and many stables are all but inaccessible via public transport (think 3 trains, a bus and a 2 mile walk at the end). And I reasoned that since I would get in cars that other people drove, the sense of betrayal was not logical, though it was understandable.

So, basically I made sure I was well above test standard so that even on a shit day when I was feeling incredibly nervous, I could still pass. And more importantly, I knew this. Plus I knew I would self sabotage and did a lot of work on my self esteem. For several months I chauffeured my mum around - no aim, just got out and drove. By the time I passed (third test) I'd been driving for about 2 years, with a gap of 6 months after failing the second test. I've driven in France and I've done motorway drives. And I didn't tell anyone I was having the test, which took the pressure off (especially since mum had said that if I failed 3 times I should give up. Thanks mum, no pressure there).

BUT I haven't driven for years and I need to start again. So I'm going to have a couple of refresher lessons and see how it goes. I'm hoping now I'm older, wiser and less depressed, I'll cope better.

The fear is natural - and people who can switch it off, or never experience it, can make the worst drivers because they're reckless. Note I said can. Not all of them, obviously. [eyeroll] (just pretend that works.)

Yes I have, but slightly different in that I had passed my test when pregnant with DS1 and driven for a few weeks before I was to ill to continue. I then had horrendous post-natal anxiety which seemed to focus on driving and I then didn't drive for around 3 years. The arrival of DS2 and logistics on returning to work meant I HAD to drive. Logistics also meant I needed my own car, but I insisted on an old banger- obviously I didn't want an accident but this made me feel better that the odd scrap on a wall, scuffed alloy etc wasn't a big deal. I literally threw up with anxiety when DH brought my car home as it was 'real and I had no choice.

My driving instructor from 3 years earlier (we stayed friendly) took me out, as did DH and my Dsis, but honestly it was only getting out on my own that made me a driver- I did have some horrendous drives, I remember sitting crying in the car when I repeatedly stalled but it does slowly get better and now, 4 years down the line of getting back behind the wheel has been the single best thing I have done for myself. The freedom of not being stuck in (poor transport links here) and now that both boys have SN, being able to attend appts/support groups/activities, it has literally been a life saver.

I know I have waffled on a lot, but the most important thing I can say is to find an amazing instructor who gets you and who is patient and reassuring. Don't be afraid to keep moving instructors until you find one you gel with. Remember you have as much right to be on the road as anyone- don't panic about others if you stall etc. Everyone had to learn at some point and anyone who gets impatient with you is an arsehole. Maybe some CBT for the anxiety if it is really overwhelming? Best of luck OP x

I did. It took me ages to learn (I passed first time but after a ridiculously large number of lessons). I was still nervous after passing - dreaded having to go anywhere by car. I've now been driving almost a year. I don't mind driving locally at all. Don't mind driving a field too much and am still nervous about motorway driving (haven't practised much).

I used beta blockers for my lessons at first as it made them bearable. I found an understanding instructor and after a while didn't need the beta blockers. After passing I forced myself to drive every day and after a while I was okay with it.

Me! I was horribly nervous but I took rescue remedy for my tests and I don’t know whether it was psychosomatic but it helped, passed on the second go with 4 minors.

Yes I suffered from driving anxiety too. Failed many tests until I had hypnotherapy (specifically for it). After 2 sessions I passed with flying colours. I'm fine with driving now!

I have finally passed at 35. You need to find an instructor that you’re really comfortable with, and who is used to working with nervous students. It has taken me nearly a year of lessons, but I didn’t have anyone who could take me out in between which I think may have helped.
My first lesson with her, I was too scared to actually drive, I never thought I’d ever pass my test, but I did -first time!
Don’t be afraid to try a few instructors until you find one you are happy with.

Me. I suffer with anxiety and have had anxiety relating to driving.

I originally did lessons at 17 before I had anxiety, failed and gave up. I then started to learn at the end of last year and found it hard due to anxiety. I was prescribed beta blockers to help.

The instructor that I was using would be quite snappy and critical which led to me bursting into tears in a lesson and being driven home. I then stopped learning with him and around 4 weeks later pushed myself to contact a female instructor that my friend recommended.

My new instructor was very chilled and critiqued me in a nice way and chatted and had a laugh with me. I passed with her in June. I don't think I could have done it without her.

I was then really worried about driving on my own but one day I just did it and it was fine. I'm building confidence every time that I go out and I'm doing it without the beta blockers.

find an amazing instructor who gets you and who is patient and reassuring. Don't be afraid to keep moving instructors until you find one you gel with

Yes, definitely. I would have saved a lot of time, anxiety and money if I had nixed my first instructor very quickly, instead of waiting until I had failed two tests with him. He repeatedly told me off for mistakes, not realising that this made me more nervous and more mistake prone. I knew when I had stuffed up and was already telling myself off, I didn't need him piling in as well.

I'm terrified of driving, my parents had jobs dealing with RTAs so from a young age I learned how dangerous they could be. I've never relaxed with motorway driving but I'm ok with driving on the local area. I can generally force myself to drive anywhere these days but at the expense of my mental health.

Having an automatic has been a gamechanger, that and sat nav.

Reading with interest. I passed my test 25 years ago. I dreaded every lesson due to anxiety and was pleased to pass so I wouldn’t have to drive any more. I haven’t driven since and go everywhere by public transport. I just find the concept of driving incredibly stressful and feel I can’t process all the possible variables. I wish I could pluck up the courage to have another try,

Me. I learned to drive as a teenager but never mastered it and failed several tests. Didn’t drive until I was in my late thirties and tired of taking the bus with two young children. I took lots and lots of lessons, learned on an automatic and took it slow. I passed first try on both my tests (I’m abroad, different system). I drive relatively locally now and still get anxious driving first time to new destinations but it’s manageable. I don’t love driving and don’t do much motorway driving at all but overall the feeling I can do things independently is amazing. Passing my test was truly one of my proudest moments because I was completely convinced it was never going to happen!

Yes! Started driving lessons in 2013, had two horrific lessons where I felt it was a small miracle I hadn’t crashed. Took three years to get enough courage to start lessons again, got on very well with my instructor, and promised myself I wouldn’t stop lessons again. Passed after failing the first time, now I drive most days - including places I don’t know, motorways, etc. I had to force myself to drive at first, the anxiety made me feel physically sick, but now I genuinely enjoy it.

I have had been in 3 accidents - but only 1 where I was at fault a small prang at the supermarket other people hit me doesn't mean you weren't at fault!

If someones anxiety is bad they really shouldn't be on the road.

Thank you all for your supportive comments and stories.
Neshoma, that is so untrue. Read the thread of all the amazing women who have conquered anxiety - it's only a barrier if you let it and so many people have accidents in the first couple of years after passing!!

I developed a driving phobia after I had DD. I’d already been driving for a few years but a combination being unable to drive for 6 weeks after a CS, new car and general anxiety with having a new born gave me panic attacks everytime I thought about getting in the car. I did 8 weeks of CBT focussing on the driving phobia along with a low dose of citalopram which while not completely killing the anxiety allowed me to get back in the car again. 8 years on I still don’t like driving but I still do it everyday and I’ve not had any accidents other than a couple minor parking prangs.

Yes OP - I have - totally, fully & completely conquered it 😍😍😍

Passed test at 17. Drove confidently till 26. Shit relationship, couple of non-fault accidents & general anxiety culminated in driving phobia for 10 years.

Never gave up trying to get back on road; therapy, specialists, hypnotherapy etc.

Been driving 1000’s miles across Europe, everywhere & anywhere for last decade. Love it.

Driving makes you free. Don’t ever stop trying.

I had driving phobia when I was young, so I never took my test. Tried again when I was 35. Really cool, chilled driving instructor got me through it first time! I then was too scared to drive for 4 years. Got divorced and realised I had to drive or my DC would never go anywhere.

Was absolutely fine driving everywhere for 4 years - even from Scotland down to London on the motorway!

Then one day had a panic attack on the M4. Tried again s few days later, same thing. Gradually it got worse until I Nos haven't driven my car for a year and am getting really scared in other people's cars.

Really sick of it, it's so limiting. Am going to see a counsellor.

Watching this thread with great intent. I failed 4 manual tests in London in 1997 when I was 18. Life got in the way, Uni, job, husband and never got round to learning again. Over the years, developed anxiety and panic attacks at the thought of learning to drive and getting in a car. I started doing hypnotherapy and this has helped so much, I am learning to drive in an automatic car since April. I feel so much better, but I am taking my time. I tend to dictate what I want to learn in the lesson (lots of reverse parking, and bay parking practise). My instructor is fantastic. But panicking at the thought of my driving test. Anxiety coming back again.