Anyone overcome driving anxiety?

[babysharksmummy]

So I'm almost 30, and still can't drive.
My job involves seeing clients all over the city I live in so it would be REALLY handy if I could drive.
15 mins by car to my office, one hour on public transport.
I've had over 80 lessons but am just so anxious about accidents (my DM was in a bad accident and I also got been knocked down by a bus just before I was about to take my test) and I suffer from bad anxiety anyway.
Looked into automatic but won't be able to afford an automatic car so that's not really great for me.
Anyone on here overcome driving anxiety and can now drive legally and without fear? I REALLY want to do this!
Also, I've done an intensive course before, and it was a shit show. The instructor was horrible and on the day before the test he said to me 'wear a short skirt for the test, that's the only way you've got a chance in hell of passing'. I don't fancy doing intensive.
Positive stories VERY welcome!

Haven't booked the test yet, but scared and panicky at the thought of having to do it, failure and emotions surrounding a failed driving test etc. Need to see hypnotherapist again.

I passed my test first time at 18, but it wasn’t practical for me to own a car and as a result I didn’t drive at all for several years.

I developed a massive anxiety with driving and kept putting it off.

Eventually in my mid 20’s I made myself go out and buy a car- with the reasoning being if I bought a car I would have no choice but to drive.

I was scared to death - I practised driving with a passenger which was very comforting for me but still terribly scared on my own. My anxiety I realised, wasn’t actually driving - it was fear of getting lost.

I would lie awake at night seeing roads and roundabouts and going over which lane I’d need to be in to take the correct turning - I felt ridiculous and that no-one understood- but that’s the nature of anxiety - it’s completely irrational! I would practise my routes to work over and over with my bf who’s now my DH - he kept telling me of course I can do this - it’s not the end of the world even if I did take a wrong turn - simply stop when safe and think about how to get back to where you need to be.

I’m now in my 40’s I drive all around the county with work - I couldn’t be any more confident and love driving - I cannot possibly understand why I felt the way I did 20 years ago. You will get where you need to be - something will click, but in the meantime you need to be surrounded by people who believe in you until you’re ready to believe in yourself.

Marie 👏👏👏👏

We need more comments like yours 😍😍😍

For those still struggling - don’t give up. Often (but not always) driving phobias are nothing to do with driving.

Never give up trying..being able to go where you want, when you want, is the route of confidence & liberation ❤️

I was super nervous but I’ve found an amazing instructor who is really calm, I wished I learnt when I was younger but didn’t need it in London so never bothered. Roundabouts on duel carriageways terrified me, now I’m fine with them and we’ve been on the motorway with no issues. I feel safe in the car with my instructor, if I make a mistake he’s able to control the car & stop me from panicking

Find a recommended instructor, will make a world of difference, if you need one near Gatwick/Crawley I can pass on details of mine.

I know you don't want an automatic but that's what helped me. Started lessons last June and had my first test in February. I failed 6 tests because of nerves (parallel parked perfectly with instructor, was rubbish in test), tried an automatic and passed the first time in it. Took Kalms and the Rescue Remedy gum, although not sure if they did anything.

The plan was to drive in the automatic for a year or so to build my confidence and then retake the test in a manual but I might just stick with the automatic. Also, instructor told me that all the electric/hybrid cars which were coming out would be automatic.

Music on in the car. My driving instructor had Disney songs and classical Beatles it calmed my mind and stopped me talking out of nervousness so I focused on driving (!) anyway! Did my test and sang a song in my head on repeat and my nerves went when I drove alone 😂

I’ve overcome my anxiety it wasn’t easy. Passing the test wasn’t easy either, took 9 times and was very humiliating. The first year of driving by myself was terrifying.
However I love driving now. Being in my car is now my happy relaxed time where I can get away from work and family and sing along to the radio.
Why was I so terrified. I think it was because I grew up in a small rural area where some of my class mates/young people around had already perished in car accidents.
The truth is though most car accidents can be avoided by how you drive. Speed is the biggest issue plus awareness. Stick to the speed limit and give the road your full attention and the risks are minimal really. At the end of the day being able to drive is worth the risks.
I also had it in my head that making a single mistake driving would mean that was it game over. It’s not like that in reality. Most people get away with some quite serious errors really.

Hi all,

I think it can be done and seems to be a common thing for those of us that pass and don't drive immediately. I think it takes commitment though which is obviously hard when it's uncomfortable.

I passed in 2007 but have never really driven alone. Got a car about 4 years ago but realised I was mega anxious and also just didn't feel like I had the ability to drive. Started driving with partner would get better but then would have a gap and confidence would relapse. Recently have been very strict about driving with every opportunity.

Realised I have two issues fear of what others think (in reality my driving is quite good so not sure what I expect people to think perhaps occasionally I'm a bit slow) and parking. Trying to practice parking in more difficult situations as need more exposure to this rather than less. Would be happy to go out alone but worried about parking so need to practice this.

First child is on way so it has been a kick up the bum to not put it off as the freedom would make life easier and it will only get worse if I don't try.

I developed driving anxiety and it got worse this year. I was looking at hypnotherapy and as a last resort before seeing a specialist hypnotherapist, I watched some of the driving anxiety videos on Youtibe and tried one of the driving hypnotherapy videos. It literally halved my anxiety overnight.

I failed seven times just because of nerves. I'd sit and shake before lessons and come in and throw up after them.

What helped me was learning more about car control (and basically having lessons on it from a friend who races cars). It made me feel more in control of the car. I also found a car that I felt safe and happy in (big old Skoda Superb estate!!).

Automatics don't have to be more expensive either. Not sure I'd my pic will show up but you can get them for a reasonable price.

I have find my people! Place-marking for now as I'm busy but if be interested to hear if anyone wide find it easier in an automatic. I currently don't drive as I'm too anxious, and am considering changing my car for an auto.

I drive a manual and have driven pretty much everything from a dinky hatchback to a transit jumbo.

Following. Test coming up in a few weeks. Have a complicated relationship with learning to drive (now doing automatic which I prefer) . Find it really difficult generally coupled with anxiety. Thinking of maybe having a chat with my gp about it.

I would say it's a journey (no pun intended), with little challenges along the way, but yes overall I love driving now.

I started learning at 32 and passed at 35 on my 6th test....after failing 5 times!

The anxiety of driving was awful- I used to have to take a shower after just driving round the estate because I'd be sweating so much! I would break down crying and come up with every excuse in the book not to practice but that just made it worse. There were many times I almost gave up.

I think what finally helped was getting a really good instructor with the right balance of calmness and kindness/understanding but wouldn't let me away with anything (I went through about 10 instructors!). Then it was a case of just making myself drive as much as possible. I would drive me and DH everywhere even though I hated it, as it was the only way to improve. He was great, so encouraging and very chilled out. He would just go on his phone to force me to make decisions myself (which built my confidence) obviously he was there if i needed him.

I thought about getting an automatic but honestly you don't need one. It takes a bit of practice but soon you don't even think about gears anymore.

The anxiety might pop up here and there as there's always new challenges but this is how I dealt with them;

• After passing test, the thoughts of motorway driving scared the life out of me, so I would get up at 4am and drive on motorway when it was really quiet, until I was confident enough to go during the day.

• Once I had a scarey moment (I won't go into it) but afterwards felt the anxiety again about getting in car. I just had to make myself do it. I asked DH to come for a few trips, and then by myself- and it went away after a few weeks. If I'd avoided it, I might never have driven again.

• When we got a new, much bigger car. Everything was in a different place! I freaked out a couple of times and just asked DH to come with me for a few journeys until I was comfortable

• Recently, when I had a new baby and hadn't driven for a few months as my bump was massive, so was a bit out of practice. Also the thought of having new baby in the back freaked me out. Again, what got me over it was bringing him, or my Dad in back of car with baby for first few journeys, and now I'm completely fine... driving in new car, with new baby, on motorway, by myself... and I absolutely love it 💕💕💕

So I think my main advice is:

• Don't avoid it. The best way to get better is to get out there as much as possible. Always have a good supportive person with you (if you have one), but someone who will let you make all the decisions and not keep telling you what to do (but obviously correct you if you do something wrong).

If it's still really bad, you could try CBT or something similar.

One of the best things CBT taught me is:

1. no one has ever died from anxiety
2. anxiety is finite

So remember however awful you feel in the moment of a panic attack it will peak then it will go. You will feel uncomfortable every time but if you stick with it those moments of discomfort will get shorter and shorter.

I have it very badly (one horrid driving instructor out of six, three attempts to pass, moved to new country immediately afterwards). I’m so disappointed by it because as a child I thought it would be my ticket to freedom! I realised I had to do something about when I found it was really limiting what I would do with the children.

I volunteered to do a food delivery to a local homeless hostel every week. It’s been absolutely brilliant - a regular drive, people relying on me but no time pressure. And I l love volunteering too.

I would say the Sat Nav has been a bigger help than an automatic. Having to navigate while simultaneously operate was very difficult for me.

Building up to motorway trips...

Best of luck - you can do it and it will be great!

He would just go on his phone to force me to make decisions myself (which built my confidence) obviously he was there if i needed him.

It's great that he was there for you. However, if it was before you passed your test, it is illegal. Just for info really, in case anyone reading does not already know, if you are accompanying a learner, you have to stick to the same rules as if you were driving yourself. So no handheld phones, no drinking, no driving with limbs in plaster. You're in charge of the car and the learner.

Having a good instructor is the most important thing. I chose automatic as I started in my early 30s and thought it would be quicker and easier. I explained my anxieties to my instructor from the outset (had been in an RTA as a passenger). He was always pushing me out of my comfort zone, was tough on me but in a good way, never told me I was bad at something or that I wouldn't pass/be a good driver. Would spend ages explaining/answering questions, often going beyond my paid lesson time.

What I would say is the real learning starts once you pass your test. If you start driving for work, you will be clocking up hours on the road in a matter of weeks, which will.make the real difference to how you feel about driving compared to an hr a week lessons before you pass.

Im not a hugely confident driver but maybe that will come more with time, driving regularly (everyday) helps. Anxiety lessens with experience and exposure ime. I most appreciate my car when I finish my night shifts. Walking to my car in the morning when I'm dog tired and especially in the winter when its dark and cold, put on the heater and radio, your car becomes your friend!

I was really nervous about driving. I took a refresher course - phoned a few places up, and found someone I felt OK with. He was great. Calm, a bit boring, very sweet and good at his job. Understood my anxieties. Then, after having kids I just had to drive basically, so started with simple, familiar journeys where parking would be easy - plenty of spaces - like a supermarket. Then, just practice. Years later I still dislike going somewhere I don’t know, although satnav is great, but I really enjoy driving familiar routes. You have had bad 3xperiences with instructors. Shop around, find someone nice, calm and reassuring and book a course. I found small cars easier to drive at first.

If I can over come my fear of driving then you can too. I’m not a great one for overcoming things if I can go around but in the case of learning to drive I really didn’t have a choice.
Back ground. First driving instructor used to turn up drunk ( yes really) . Second instructor was a sexist pig who made comments similar to yours. My Dad took me out and couldn’t really see what my “problem” was and gave me a huge amount of confidence as did my boyfriend. A few days before my test my boyfriend took me out for a few hours. I got tired and we pulled over to swop places. About 10 minutes later we were in a crash. My boyfriend died on the scene. I wasn’t even knocked unconscious. I remember it all. I didn’t drive again for two years but really I had to pass my test one day. I’m a normal driver now. Go for it OP, but I know how you feel. X

Oh goodness. Did not mean to post that grin.

Bless you, driving anxiety is tough!
Yep an automatic helped me- and they can be as expensive or cheap to buy as manuals, and you can get economical ones nowadays
I got over my anxiety by doing a long drive with my partner in the passenger seat navigating. I planned the route by hand and printed out instructions, plus he had google maps out. I had a panic attack after coming off at the wrong exit on a big roundabout but then forced myself to carry on, and the exposure therapy eventually got rid of the fear.

Beta blockers and a car I felt confident in (a nippy 1.3 litre!) also helped psychologically.
It’s like riding a horse, you have to get back on it and go in order to overcome it, but you’ll look back in a few years and be so proud of overcoming the anxiety! Best of luck

Hi OP, I wanted to share my story with you. I was hit by a car when I was 16, very badly. My face hit the windscreen.
I was extremely nervous and desperately wanted to have independence in driving but had flashbacks in lessons etc.
I saw a councillor who specialised in therapy after car accidents. He was amazing and I was able to overcome my anxiety on the road and when walking down the street.
I'm sorry I don't have his details but I'm sure if you did a google you could find something like this locally to you.
Counselling was the only way to positively work through my fears and get myself on the road confidently. May be worth a shot.