Christmas - not sure how to feel about this

[greenfooted]

DH and I are in early 40' s, two DCs under 5 with another on the way soon. Get on well with both our parents who are happily in good health. Neither leave near us so we see them every couple of months. We have always visited them both at Christmas, splitting Christmas Day between them (as quiet traffic means it's doable), including when we have had DCs. This year we have decided it's probably too much with small baby as well, so will have Christmas here. Both sets of parents agree that this is sensible. We invited both of them to stay, plus my single brother. All have declined m, saying they would like a quiet Christmas but will visit at some point I December.

Really not sure how I feel about this. Think I am a bit annoyed as we have made the effort for years, and I already felt sad for not going this year but the travel
Logistics for us just don't work. That said hosting is hard work (although they are both quite hands on when here and I will have to host them seperatly now).

More than anything, with just me and DH and such young DCs, I am worried it will just be a normal day - any tips on how we handle this

Enjoy!
In all seriousness having a relaxing Christmas, pyjamas all day. The two oldest will love all the presents. Eat what you want doesn’t have to be Christmas lunch. Lots of Christmas movies and music in the background

Go for a Christmas walk too so you can look at all the decorations around other people’s houses

Invite friends over for drinks Christmas morning. Great fun!
Don’t go to them at any point, they need to come to you and make something easy and simple.
With so many little ones don’t put yourself through travelling at Christmas

It can be frustrating when family are reluctant to visit you. I once pointed out to mine that those motorways I drive on, go in both directions and were they aware of that?

However sounds like you’ve the opportunity to have a lovely relaxing Christmas at home.
Prep everything the night before, her the veg in the pans, bacon in the turkey and in the oven ready to go on first thing.

Then up Christmas morning, oven on, present opening, breakfast, glass of fizz (as you’re not driving anywhere) then out for a walk.
Home, playing with presents, turkey done, veg par-boiled then in the oven to roast. Call the grandparents.

Eat late lunch, watch a film, have a snooze, eat pudding, another glass of fizz 👍🏻

Sounds blissful! Home all day in pjs. Kids can play with gifts instead of spending ages in car.
We started doing Christmas on our own when kids where about 7-5 to much upset and it's so lovely now.
(Now everyone is used to it! )

Sounds like bliss, enjoy! I'm hoping we can have a quiet one this year instead of hosting as we also have a new baby and older DC.

I hope we'll do a little walk, some board games, but mostly eating, watching Xmas stuff on tv and chilling.

Time to make new Christmas traditions for your family, a great chance to start something new, enjoy it !

Omg that sounds AMAZING. Take this opportunity to make this your new tradition. Fit celebrations with respective families around either side of the day itself, and spend christmas day just chilling tf out. Gwt all ready prepped veg from waitrose/m&s etc so no peeling and parboiling, lazy morning, food, maybe a walk in the afternoon. Though family have declined joining you for the day itself, maybe suggest hosting a buffet on christmas eve/boxing day/NYE or something when it gets nearer the time. Spread the christmas love - it’s nice for quite young dc to get their presents from extended family over a longer period rather than all on the day itself, it stops them getting overwhelmed and means they genuinely appreciate things more. Bliss! Seize it with both hands and never look back. Congratulations

Enjoy, Enjoy, Enjoy !

Enjoy it - they have very kindly handed you the gift of a quiet Christmas at home with your DCs.

If you can get over the initial "roads go both ways / same distance for you to come to us etc" part of it, then I think it's a perfect opportunity to have a Christmas you want.

Let's you establish your own traditions if you want, have whatever food & drink you really want etc
Then it lets you establish a pattern for future years .... e.g. one year at home, one at your parents, next at ILs or just set the tone that there is no pattern / rota.

It sounds like they don't want to give you the stress and burden of hosting with a relatively new baby and young DC. OR maybe they don't relish the thought of a disturbed night with a baby and Littles getting up at the crack of dawn making it an exhausting stay.
Either way- fantastic. Stay in PJ's all day, have cheese on toast for Christmas dinner and eat lots of chocolate whilst watching Xmas tv on the sofa

Maybe they think they would be intruding? A quiet family Christmas sounds lovely! Kids will have a ball - all day new toys not travelling or having to get dressed or behave!

Could you invite them down for Boxing Day? Or New Year’s Day? DO a Christmas dinner then and let the kids show off their toys? I have always wanted to have steaks on Christmas Day but parents insist on turkey! Mix it up and suit yourselves.

Enjoy the relaxing Christmas.

Maybe they all thought you would have enough on your hands with 3 dc without having to host them too.

Make a new tradition....Christmas day just your family and then visit the others at other times.

Our tradition was usually to go visit family Christmas morning and then home for lunch. Last year we decided instead of all the rushing around we would stay home Christmas day and visit on boxing Day instead.
Turns out it worked so much better. We were more relaxed on Christmas day and we got to share everyone's left overs on boxing Day so didn't need to cook lol

We deliberately have Christmas at our house now we have children. We always invite family but they don't come either. Kids love the chance to play with their new toys instead of driving around.
My side of the family tend to come over boxing day for a second Christmas - including Christmas Dinner. I understand how you must be feeling but I think you will like your new Christmas plans and start getting excited closer to the big day. You will have a few low days to I'm sure cos change always creates those feelings. X

There's no need for it to feel like a normal day at all.

Maybe the families are thinking of you by declining your invite - giving you a chance to enjoy your little ones? So you will have no travelling, the children can play with their presents without having to get in the car and drive. You can eat dinner whenever you feel like it - and dinner can be whatever you want it to be.

It sounds like you have the opportunity to have a wonderful day and start some new family traditions. I'm sure you will enjoy every minute.

Is it perhaps your cooking .

It would have been a nightmare if everyone had have stayed.

Plan nice meet-ups, nearer the time and have a day that evolves around you, your Partner and children.

It’s not just a normal day when you have littles. Santa has beeeeeeeen! And this year they get to enjoy playing with their presents instead of spending half the day in transit. Perfection.

I know what you mean about just a normal day with the little ones. But stockings, the tree and new toys will make it super exciting for them. Its only one year while the baby is new. Next year you can do something different if you don't like it.

We've had quiet just us Christmas's a few times with our young children. They're the absolute best! We do Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve, have a nice breakfast together and spend the day eating treats, constructing and playing with new toys and watching films. I love love love our little Christmas's. Its just you - do exactly what makes you and your little ones happy!

Oh enjoy it! You get to focus on your family.
An alternative is to rent a large house near to you and everyone comes and pitches in.

Sounds amazing! We’ve had a couple of fabulous “just us” Christmas Days. Pyjamas/comfy clothes, a minimal-but-special-enough lunch, free-flowing no-judgement fizz from —7am— 9am and the TV you want to watch. No chores. Please yourselves. Perfect!

We decided to do this when our daughter was a baby. My parents lived 150 miles away, wouldn’t come to us and PIL weren’t interested in DD (whole other story).

We LOVE Christmas Day just the three of us! Invent your own new traditions. We wake up whenever we want, Christmas PJ’s, open presents immediately, play games, drink Bucks Fizz (not DD!). And remember to put dinner on at some point but usually having too much fun. It’s a great fun filled, no pressure day.

Hope you have a wonderful day with your little ones.

The day is what you make it. I'm not sure why you think it would be ordinary, unless your children normally get gifts every day

I do appreciate the one-way motorway thing though, we suffer from this too tbh. I think they are being kind not to land on you with a small baby though and that is probably their train of though as well.

It's not your parents that make Christmas OP, it's you and your DH. Enjoy!

They are complete shits. Assuming they are 75+ apart from your brother how very dare they not want to spend this day with 3 perfectly behaved quiet under-5s.