Are you a fussy eater?

[Bimgy85]

I can't comprehend adults being fussy eaters. Fussy is for children surely, and at that, children aged up to 14/15

I truly don't understand fussy adults eating habits, I work with a woman who's 26 and she won't eat anything out of the ordinary. Ham sandwich for lunch and crisps, she cringed when I mentioned I was going for sushi for dinner, or even a basic Chinese buffet with vegetables noodles etc.

Are you a fussy eater, and why?

I understood everybody grew out of that

I understood everybody grew out of that

You obviously don’t understand at all.

It’s a bit like adults being baffled by other adults not driving. It has fuck all to do with them.

I am quite fussy. Having spent most of my adult life on my own (as in not living with a partner) I just eat what I want to eat and it’s nobody else’s problem. Despite being fussy, and a vegetarian, I can usually find something to eat when eating out.

The only thing that makes me anxious is dinner parties - there’s only one thing to eat and the host will have gone to a lot of trouble so it’s rude not to eat it. It takes all the fun out of it for me.

I think there's two things :

There's people who. Don't like some foods

And there's people who then make it a misery to choose a place to eat, screw their faces up at other people's food, make gully noises and ask things like "how can you eat that"

The first I have no issue with. And if they say can we not go to the Indian because I'm not keen, or to you think the pasta has mushrooms, I'll help them out.

The second lot need to grow up.

Do some people exclusively only eat foods they like?

98% of the time, yes. It's hard enough to eat the foods I do like, let alone facing the ones I don't. The only times I'll eat food I don't like is if I'm specifically doing a challenge/fear facing exercise or if there's no way out of it.

“I don't understand why people assume that because foods scare, disgust or otherwise bother you as a child that they will automatically stop doing so as an adult. How do you learn to like something that you don't like?!”

You have a tiny ittle bit of it,on many different occasions. If you’re not allergic to it, what’s the worse that can happen? You pull a disgusted face, chew, swallow and shudder? So what? It’s not going to kill you. Some foods you will never change your mind over, some you will learn to tolerate (celeriac and aubergines for me). Some you will never like and think they’re the devil’s food (celery!). Some you will grow to love: curry, pasta, rice, tomatoes, olives, mince pies, melon, loads more stuff, all stuff I hated as a kid but kept my mind open and kept trying them as an adult.

Curlyhaired - I guess the success of that method depends on how severe, deep rooted and psychological the food aversions are.

Decades of coaxing, bullying, psychologists and both inpatient and outpatient EDUs haven't fixed mine. So I don't think keeping on trying the foods is going to either!

I think I'm fairly fussy but nowhere near as fussy as some of my friends.
Mainly the things I don't like are mushrooms, fish, blue cheese and offal. I'm not a big meat eater but that's more of a choice than a dislike.

Manicinsomniac - that sounds so stressful. I actually hadn’t realised some people found eating so difficult.
There’s foods I don’t like but I would still eat it, for example at a dinner party, it wouldn’t be a problem.
That sounds very tough.

@RJnomore1 I think you've described how I'd have said it!

I don't expect everyone to like every food, every texture, every combination ever.
Whether that's actual "liking" or somehow restricted for medical reasons.

But there's no need for anyone to be outright rude about it.

My line when it comes to seafood or Chinese food is that I'd never pick it off a menu or choose that type of restaurant myself ...... but I wouldn't refuse it if you served me it at your home. That's "liking" (or not).
If I had a genuine allergy however to the seafood, then I'd politely decline invitations and / or let a host know.
No need to be rude or childish or lack understanding.

I think in part it depends how you were brought up. It seems that if you have bullying parents it can cause a real fear of food which causes lasting damage.

On the other hand if you have a parent who tries every now and then to get a child to try previously disliked foods but with no pressure they quite often find they do actually like it. Especially if its cooked in a different way.

I really don't care what anyone else chooses to eat or not eat.

Life is too short to eat food you don't like if you don't have to.

I wish I was a fussy eater. I might get close to losing this fucking extra stone!

"bullying parents " wtf?

Yes as pp textures is my problem. I have tried over and over do eat the foods that cause me problems ( lettuce, broccoli, that kind of thing) but I heave. I don't live on chicken nuggets I'm not that bad.

So, do some people only eat foods that they like? I think most people eat a variety of foods they like, foods they are pretty 'meh' about, and foods they're not keen on.

What?

I'm not a fussy eater in that I'll give anything a go once..... but there are foods that I've tried (some more than once "just to make sure") that I really didn't like, why on Earth would I choose to eat foods again???

Manic: my fussiness was pretty bad as a kid. I got anxious every time friend invited me for tea after school. I burst into tears once because I sat down at the dinner table at a friend’s house and got served a plate of spaghetti bolognese. Another time I and my family stayed the weekend with family friends and I hardly ate anything. I Remember the burning shame of eating one mouthful of cottage pie and trying to hide my gagging, then pretending I wasn’t hungry. Crying and going hungry at PGL because the only thing on offer was fish pie.

I liked roast dinners. Meat or fish fingers with chips. Sausage and mash. That was about the only meals. So no rice, pasta, pizza, curries or stew type meals. Nothing spicy or with garlic

Then when I was a student I started cooking for myself and rather than sticking to the same old thing I thought “well, pasta is cheap. Surely I could find a pasta sauce I like and start to eat that?” So I did.

Then I met DH who was into curries, he cooked me one and I confessed I’d never fancied one before. I was 23!!!! Tried some, and liked it.

I went to many work lunches, conferences, where the buffet food wasn’t really labelled, so I ended up having a bite of prawn sandwiches. Egg mayo, , cheese and tomato etc (before thst is only eat plain chicken or plain ham)

And while I can’t say instantly thought “yum” to all of those, it dawned on me that trying stuff did me no harm at all. If I really couldn’t swallow something I learned to spit it out discreetly into a napkin.

Honestly, opening my mind to trying new things (ordinary every day things, this was nothing out of the ordinary!) in my early 20s was an absolute revelation.

I wondered what I’d been scared of for so many years.

Now I’m not saying it’s that easy to change in everyone’s case, but I can’t understand now why adults will NOT try things. I can totally understand children getting upset and anxious because they are children. But grown adults can rationalise. they can CHOOSE what to eat, they can CHOOSE to try to be more adventurous. They are autonomous, not being shopped and cooked for. They can coach themselves to be brave and try new things in the safety of their own homes and nothing bad will happen if they hate the food. No embarrassment.

This is what I can’t understand, how most people make the transition from extra fussy kid to averagely unfussy adult, and some people don’t.

I’m not saying that I don’t have sympathy, just that I can’t understand how it works for some people and not others.

It is surely no skin off your nose what others do/do not eat!

I cannot abide any melon/watermelon or cucumbers even tho I LOOK at them and want to eat them. They taste like something rancid to me. I have texture issues too but it's completely normal for majority of ppl to have food fussiness/dislikes/issues

Then you get people like my mother in law who anxiously ask "does this have garlic in it" as they sit down to lasagne.

No, no of course not...

I know a woman with quite bad sensory issues who struggles with the textures of certain foods.
I don’t make a fuss of it and tell her to grow up because that’s not helpful.

I’m a fussy eater, incredibly so.

Its not always a choice.

It’ll be a smell, a texture or taste, and I can’t eat it.

Generally it’s workable because I have a fairly varied diet, and most people don’t realise. I’ll always look up a menu online before we go somewhere, I’ve got a go to meal at every restaurant I go to. There’s always a chicken Caesar salad or a steak that I can rely on if all else fails! I’ve got my go to at an Indian restaurant, and I’ve got a go to at our local Chinese too, so there’s never any real reason for people to say “oh bear really fucked me off by going out for dinner then couldn’t find anything to eat!”

. The only person who ever really cooks for me in their own kitchen is my MIL and she knows it’s just a part of me, I don’t require any extra effort, just leave certain parts of a meal off for me please! I don’t eat lamb because as a child my mum told me to never eat it, that it was rank - she just didn’t eat it. I’m almost 30 and I still don’t blinkin eat it. Tomorrow we’re at MIlS for dinner, I’m having a veggie roast. Quite happy, they’ll have lamb.

Honestly it doesn’t have to cause a problem, but then I have met people who are far worse, I’m mostly avoiding proper fishy food, sauces, and eggs!

Mancinsomniac
I'm sorry if I upset you, I genuinely didn't mean to.

*This is what I can’t understand, how most people make the transition from extra fussy kid to averagely unfussy adult, and some people don’t.

I’m not saying that I don’t have sympathy, just that I can’t understand how it works for some people and not others*

I don't know, maybe it's to do with the cause of the fussy eating.

If it's a fear of trying new things or underdeveloped taste buds (idk if that's a thing!) then it makes sense that the fussiness can be challenged and overcome.

If it's a sensory thing then I think it would be harder but possible.

If it's a phobia, a disorder or a psychological reaction rather than a physical one then I don't think age is going to make a difference. Treatment either works or it doesn't.

But Beargoesgrr, our parents tell us loads of stuff which we work out as older teens/adults is a load of crap. I’m curious as to why you still believe lamb is rank just because your mother told you it was?

For those who still have real trouble with food into adulthood, can I ask were meal times normal in your family? Did everyone else eat everything happily? No faddy eating in your parents or extreme dieting?

BrilloHair - it's ok. Thank you. I realise opinions like yours are the norm. And they might well be valid for some fussy eaters, I don't know. I just wanted to make it clear that some of us really try and that being a fussy eater is a nightmare - not something you'd choose for the sake of being a pain.

Hestia - thanks for the flowers

For those who still have real trouble with food into adulthood, can I ask were meal times normal in your family? Did everyone else eat everything happily? No faddy eating in your parents or extreme dieting?

No, not normal. Sunday lunch was the only meal eaten together around the table. Otherwise, my sister and I ate around activities and limited palates and my mum and dad ate later.

My sister was a fussy child. I don't think of her as fussy now because she's an amazing cook and eats normal amounts of varied food at normal times. But she still hates condiments, tuna and Chinese food so maybe some would still consider her to be fussy.

My mum has been morbidly obese my whole life. I've never seen her overeat but she must do. My dad was very healthy (ironically he's the one who died at 52). But he had strict food rules and obessions that he applied to both himself and to us as children - no salt and no hard sweets are the two that I remember clearly.