Am I a loner or just independent?

[Bimgy85]

I spend a lot of time alone, I see myself as a bit awkward but generally I'm quite good at talking to people and keeping up a conversation. I have lots of acquaintances and past friends I just don't go out of my way to see them.

In work for example I'm very happy to have lunch and break alone. I would often prefer to be left alone to my own device and I'm happy to sit and eat alone, go on the phone or whatever.

I like to go to town alone and generally if I have the option to meet friends, I don't..

Is there something wrong with me or is it okay to just like being on your own and I'm an only child so this plays into it as I was alone quite often growing up so am very very very comfortable with my own company. Should I change? I don't have any day to day friends that I could just say 'let's meet up for a coffee' or well I do but I think I don't. I don't bond with friends any further than the initial formality..

Is this weird?

Sometimes I get a bit embarrassed that people in work think I'm a weirdo cause I'm ALWAYS alone. 9/10. If I see them I just say hello i never stop to chat, surely they don't think I'm weird, cause it's not like I sit at the table looking down like an oddball loner when I'm alone, I walk around with confidence and sit there looking around, or on the phone..

If you’re happy then it’s fine. I’m super selective when it comes to friends and am quite happy to do my own thing. The only reason I don’t is to socialise my little ones who aren’t of school age.

I can’t stand meeting friends to shop. I’m a in and out kind of shopper, hate to browse. I only have 2 friends who I’d still see when my kids go school

You sound like an introvert. It's very normal.

But if you were sociable just to please other people it would stress you out wouldn’t it?
If you are happy with it, stick with it.
I’m quite introverted, don’t have acquaintances , can’t bear small talk or pass timing, but I have a handful of good friends who know me inside out, and who I’m really honest with.

Are you happy? That's what matters. I'm v v similar, and happy with the way I am. I see it as independent, and I'm an only child too.

I suppose in the short term aspects yes I'm happy I love being alone but then other times I wish I had a group of friends but I guess it's like I'm just not bothered with people! I don't bond like others do or have that excitement to see people I haven't seen in ages, even close friends I've had I've always just randomly stopped talking to them which is awful but I can't control it really.

@Ohyesiam yes, I often avoid going to the smoking area at certain times because it's like my body closed up and I can't speak to people I should be able to chat away to. It's really odd. People I would have been decent friends with when I started my job we don't see eachother that often now but I avoid going at the same lunch breaks in fear of having to make conversation. It's honestly like my throat closes up and I can't think of anything to say and anything I do say sounds really awkward. Think it must be anxiety

Sounds fine to me... if you're happy then keep on with what you're doing...

I am extremely introverted. I have literally one friend who I go out for drink, meal with every month or two but other than that I only really care about my wife, children and family. And am perfectly happy 😃

If you are happy with the way you are don’t worry about it.

Sounds just like me. I'm not happy with it though as Im not very accepting of the way I am. Maybe I just need to 'let it go'. Was a shy awkward child but better now I'm older. Nothing wrong with your own company apart form not being able to have a decent argument! Thats what DH is for I guess!

You sound like me OP! I like my own company but am fine chatting to people. I couldn’t stand a friendship where I had to be in daily contact with the person, I’d feel suffocated. I’m happy seeing friends occasionally. I sometimes wonder if I’m missing out on something? Maybe I just haven’t found the right friends yet.
I think it’s good to be independent in general and to be content with your own company is amazing. It stops you wasting your time on the wrong people just to fill a gap.

Maybe we should be friends OP? We can see each other a couple of times a year, have a lovely time and then just go back to enjoying our company

Join a book group. You see people every so often then you can go home.

You sound exactly like me OP. An independent introvert who enjoys their own company & who has a low need to be around other people. It's normal & as long as you are happy it's fine.

I'm a lot like that. I have been very sociable in the past and when I am in the mood I can quickly pick up a 'friend' for the day or whatever (used to travel a lot and often ended up having lunch with someone I had met ten minutes before or whatever). Since having children I just have no energy for anyone though. The last thing I want yo do is make small talk. I still see old friends from time to time but due to moving around a lot have only one day yo day friendship at the moment. Currently debating whether to go to a parents social event at DSs school or not.

If you’re happy with it, then no problem!
I’d hate it - also an only child - but it had the opposite effect on me and I’m extroverted (but still shy so prob the worst type!).

You sound like a loner to me

Yep, I'm another one, my partner is the same and so is my daughter. I was actually thinking about this earlier today. I do have some friends and lots of acquaintances. My real friends are similar to me... Low maintenance, but sometimes I feel like I should be more sociable.

The funny thing is that I can talk to just about anyone and form superficial bonds with people quickly but would generally prefer to eat lunch/have a coffee/shop/go to the gym etc alone. Love silence and my own company.

I think we're quite normal

I make superficial friends very easily but I back off when they want to get too close. I don't know why. The only person I truly confide in is my DH. I think I scare people away and my social skills have all been lost since I became a SAHM.

Just be you x

That's ok x

I’m like this but not happy with it. If you are happy then don’t worry about it and don’t try to change to fit into some sort of societal expectation.

It might be worth trying to figure out where it came from. For me, I was the only child living at home to older parents, one who was very strict, controlling and unpredictable, the other who was emotionally very distant and not around much. Addiction was very present in our dysfunctional family and from around the age of 2 I knew I had to put on an act around other people, keep secrets and pretend we were normal. Our lives were secretive and insular. My parents didn’t have friends and other family members mostly lived in other countries and rarely visited. Keeping people out was what we did. I started getting bullied around the age of eight and that carried on until 15. A lot of it was girls pretending to be my friend then telling all my secrets/making fun of me.

Through that I learned the only person I could trust was myself. I started spending lunchtimes in the library or school toilets and rarely socialised outside of school. I eventually did have a good friendship group but found, and still find, socialising draining and nerve wracking.

I don’t think I am naturally an introvert. I long for connection and a big, happy family. I became introverted because it was the safest thing to do.

I have a couple of not too close friends. I see them every couple of weeks. I’d love to have a boyfriend or husband even but I’m too nervous about spending time getting to know complete strangers so I don’t dare to try online dating. I’m lonely most of the time.

People do want to be my friend but sometimes I push them away. Like you, I prefer to take lunch alone and would make an excuse that I’d forgotten lunch and needed to go and buy some to colleagues and then go and eat in the car or in a cafe alone.

My way of thinking and being is dysfunctional and unhealthy. Loneliness is actually a killer, those who are lonely have a much shorter lifespan. I am having counselling and working through trauma in the hope that one day I will get over it all and get my dream of being connected to others and letting them in.

If you think what I’ve said resonates with you (and I really hope it doesn’t) - get help! But if you are truly content in your own company, and many people are, enjoy it! You’ll never let yourself down.

As long as your happy it's perfectly fine I'm very similar I don't enjoy socialising, I like staying at home. I have on a couple of occasions though wished a had a friend to go and do something with but I prefer being a loner!

@ShadyLady53 thanks for your words. I feel similar to you in ways and thanks for sharing. I suppose it obviously has stemmed from somewhere, over the last few years I guess i feel intimidated by people, that's why I get so nervous worrying about what to say, but at the drop of a hat I could talk no problem like a normal person. Maybe it comes from kicking myself down for years and having severe self esteem issues despite pretending not to, and possibly something I'm only thinking into is that I come from a one parent home where there was lots of shouting, negativity and mess. From myself and my mother. I'm starting to think that obviously affects my life. As I grow older I find myself wanting a certain life and realising I didn't have that when I was younger.

Call it what you like - loner/independent - if you're happy it doesn't matter.

I saw a great quote a while ago which really resonated. I can't remember it exactly but something along the lines of "The biggest lie is that you need friends". And it's true - people emphasise the importance of close friendships so much, but if you don't have many/any and you don't mind, then you're not missing out.

I'd go as far to say that enjoying being alone is a gift - and one that will become particularly valuable when you are old. Where an extrovert might feel anxious and lonely if they don't have enough company, an introvert can be alone for days and not feel remotely worried about it.

I'm an introvert and I'm really glad I'm so self-sufficient.

Im exactly the same, i would be happy going to work and not talking to anyone. I dont like small talk because i just dont care what they did at the weekend and i dont offer any info on my life. I am awkward in solical situatiobs. Same with going shopping, rather be on my own with my own thoughts that with anyone else.

Like being home with partner and dog and thats all i need

You sound quite normal...
I'm known as a massive extrovert but often spend my lunch alone for some quiet time, don't always have plans, go to restaurants alone...