Am I a loner or just independent?

[Bimgy85]

I spend a lot of time alone, I see myself as a bit awkward but generally I'm quite good at talking to people and keeping up a conversation. I have lots of acquaintances and past friends I just don't go out of my way to see them.

In work for example I'm very happy to have lunch and break alone. I would often prefer to be left alone to my own device and I'm happy to sit and eat alone, go on the phone or whatever.

I like to go to town alone and generally if I have the option to meet friends, I don't..

Is there something wrong with me or is it okay to just like being on your own and I'm an only child so this plays into it as I was alone quite often growing up so am very very very comfortable with my own company. Should I change? I don't have any day to day friends that I could just say 'let's meet up for a coffee' or well I do but I think I don't. I don't bond with friends any further than the initial formality..

Is this weird?

Bimgy85 - thanks! Gosh, I could have written that myself. I completely understand the intimidation factor - is really unpleasant isn’t it? It sounds like you had a really tough time of it growing up and I’m so sorry to hear that. It does make the introversion make more sense now there’s some context.

From what you’ve written it’s gave me some insight that when we are intimidated by people we tend to “put on an act” and perhaps it’s that that drains us. Don’t get me wrong, some people are really full on and draining anyway but I can honestly say that most of the people I encounter think I’m really confident and talkative when actually I’m terrified and trying to pretend I’m not. When you said you could have a conversation at the drop of a hat, it reminded me of that. I also don’t feel as drained when I’m around people I know I can relax with and just be me, but that is a very small percentage of people and you have to take the time to get to know them first. It makes sense that sometimes I find it easier to isolate myself and not have to deal with the stress of social situations.

No one would describe me as an introvert. But I am and I think it’s trying to put other people at ease and acting all smiley and confident that’s draining me. Essentially I’m putting their needs first instead of my own. Maybe embracing the need for alone time and prioritising calm is the way forward. But, if you want friends, then you have to be willing to go through some of the icky feelings on the way to building connections.