Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shop lifting

164 replies

Marie0 · 08/09/2018 16:26

Apologies I am not sure if this is the right section to post, just after some advice...

My friend revealed to me last night that she regularly shoplifts. Funny thing is she has a very comfortable life style and certainly doesn't need to. (She has plenty of money)

She does it at supermarkets and steals groceries by putting them in a shopping bag which she hangs on the trolley and puts other items in the trolley.

She then goes to the checkout and says if she was caught (or asked) at the checkout about the other bag full of stuff she would simply say I've just bought all this stuff through the self service checkout and forgot a few items.

She said the Self service checkout asks if you want a print out for a receipt and she declines so therefore would simply say that she didn't think she would need the receipt.

I asked her why she does it and she says she gets a 'kick' out of it! Yesterday she stole a chicken, and jar of coffee. She says she only steals about £10 worth of goods every time she goes to the supermarket.

She doesn't appear to have any mental health issues and no criminal history. I didn't really react when she told me.

Certainly don't want her to get into trouble, but surely it's just a matter of time before she gets caught? I

AIBU if I tell her husband? But that's of course breaking her confidence.

Any advice??

OP posts:
stopfuckingshoutingatme · 09/09/2018 08:53

Don’t tell her husband for God’s sake !

She will get caught maybe and that will freak her out

Figbiscuitsandtea · 09/09/2018 08:53

Glint, we had one particular thief who would literally come into the store every other day almost, grab an item and run out before he could be stopped.
We had him on cctv and one of the staff recognized him and also knew his name and where he lived.
But, the Police decided it was best to get the store to gather a fair amount of different cctv footage before they eventually paid him a visit.

glintandglide · 09/09/2018 09:01

Yeah alright Grin look most people have worked in a shop and have stories to tell. The police don’t prioritise shoplifting and store management often tell their staff things that aren’t true.
That doesn’t mean it hasn’t happened because shoplifting is a daily occurance everywhere, and is dealt with many different people in many different ways, and none of us can know about all of them.

However telling OP that the store might be building up a file on her to get her charged with a greater crime, as rude and others have, is simply conjuncture. I can’t comment on every incident everyone has experience (because truth is, practically everyone has worked in a shop at some point) but my point still stands. The OPs friend isn’t going to be scared off by some
Mysterious file.

DieAntword · 09/09/2018 09:09

glintandglide because she knows in such detail how her Freind thinks and feels about it and the smiling at the security guard but seemed a bit boasty.

BMW6 · 09/09/2018 09:09

Stealing for the thrill?
Then I really hope she gets caught so she / he can enjoy the massive adrenaline rush that will cause.

Trashy behaviour and I would not keep a friendship with a thief.

Whisky2014 · 09/09/2018 09:16

Oh well, she won't be laughing when she's caught. I think I'd just think a lot less of her. Id also ask whether her husband knows, and if he doesnt, ask her why not?

Figbiscuitsandtea · 09/09/2018 09:20

glint do you think I'm talking rubbish?

glintandglide · 09/09/2018 09:21

Nope

tbear2302 · 09/09/2018 09:23

I used to shop lift, not proud of it and it wasn't to feed any drug habit Hmm

Nikephorus · 09/09/2018 09:26

So far no-one has said that this is just plain wrong. Thanks to people like her who steal the rest of us pay more.
This ^^. She's a common thief. And I can't see why you didn't just tell her that OP with a Shock Angry at the same time. Personally I think I'd take a photo of her down to the supermarket and have a word with the manager. She has no shame, why should you? What next, nicking items from her friends' homes to see if they notice because it's fun?

Nikephorus · 09/09/2018 09:27

Don’t tell her husband for God’s sake !
Why not? If she's happy to tell OP then she should be happy to tell DH.

Happityhap · 09/09/2018 09:28

I wouldn't let this women near my house or any valuables who knows what else she'll find "thrilling" to steal.

And I'd tell her why.

I wouldn't act shocked at her stealing, she'd probably get off on that. Tell her how stupid she is as you know you'll be seeing a report on her in the newspaper soon.

Whisky2014 · 09/09/2018 09:31

tbear2302

I used to shop lift, not proud of it and it wasn't to feed any drug habit hmm

Who said that? And enough with the side look, it doesnt make it any better!

BananaBonanza · 09/09/2018 09:45

No i think shoplifters very rarely get caught. Certainly the ones that are lifting the odd £20 of stuff here and there.

Even if they are caught and prosecuted theyll be back doing it within a couple of months. Local shop staff have been told not to approach the usual suspects any more because they carry knives.

ExH shoplifted probably throughout our marriage, I didn't know, and it was nothing we couldn't afford. I should have known but it didn't make sense, he was a good man why would he shoplift? There had to be an alternative explanation and he could always provide it. It was only after the divorce (and i found out that it wasnt his only crime ge really easnt a good man) that i put the pieces together. Up to then i thought i was going mad

Yes of course tell the husband!!!

ExH was using the kids' pushchair and belongings to carry stuff out if the shop. I was often the one pushing. One if my dreads when the kids still saw him was that they would get done for shoplifting. The husband has a right to know.

Why on earth do you still describe her as a friend? She's a morally bankrupt asshole with poor boundaries and no respect for anyone around her

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 09/09/2018 09:46

I don’t think that someone who shop lifts the odd item would necessarily steal
From someone’s home !

There is a strange mentality and denial with shoplifters that it’s a victimless crime , that they are getting what they are ‘due’ and there is the buzz afterwards

It’s a MH thing really and As grubby as it is - the shoplifters feel no guilt as they tell themselves it’s minor and No one gets hurt

I would personally do nothing . I am suprised she told you to be honest it’s usually a grubby secret

BananaBonanza · 09/09/2018 10:05

I don’t think that someone who shop lifts the odd item would necessarily steal
From someone’s home!

Don't bet on it. In order to shoplift for "a hobby" you've got to have a monumentally inflated ego to feel entitled to take something you have no right to. To own something you haven't earned or bought. Why would that be limited to one location?

Ime it's not.

Although it may not manifest itself as stealing, its likely to come out in other ways. Like a huge disrespect for boundaries in general and for any other human being than themselves.

Like in the OP. Her friend has shared the information she shoplifts without a single care for the impact in the OP. She has an absolute arrogance that the OP will do nothing and can do nothing that will harm her, which it itself shows a complete disregard for the morality and strength character of the OP.

She has assumed the OP will just sit back and let her get on with it. That it probably won't even impact on their "friendship". How does that show respect for anyone else?

It's not a person you want to be around.

Alpacanorange · 09/09/2018 10:36

Did she just confide in you about her thrill??
You know a lot of details, she has been so open with you.

HollowTalk · 09/09/2018 12:23

I was talking to a till operator at my local Asda and she said that the cameras were clear enough to see whether she had given 1p or 2p in change. She said there are cameras absolutely everywhere.

Leaving aside the morality of taking something that doesn't belong to you, there's no way I'd put myself at risk of being prosecuted for theft. I'd be mortified.

RedPanda2 · 09/09/2018 14:33

It's really gross that your friend is getting kicks out if doing something some people have to do to survive

butterflyrabbit · 09/09/2018 14:54

Shoplifting is totally wrong and I would never do it
But
This thread is kind of making me want to try!

(I won't)
(I'm too sleep-deprived to even think about how I'd do it)

Valanice1989 · 09/09/2018 14:54

I don’t think that someone who shop lifts the odd item would necessarily steal
From someone’s home !

Why not? There's probably more chance of being caught stealing from someone's home than there is of being caught stealing from a supermarket. Most people don't have CCTV in their houses.

OP, I wouldn't invite her round to your house again! It's not worth the risk. If she asks why, just tell her. It's not like she has the right to be offended, given that she's outright told you she's a thief!

Valanice1989 · 09/09/2018 14:58

Oops - I meant to type that there's probably LESS chance of being caught stealing from someone's home Blush

pigsDOfly · 09/09/2018 15:05

Horses for courses I supposed, but the OP's friend must live a hellishly boring sort of life if that's the only way she can get her thrills.

Walking into a shop, picking something up, sticking it up your jumper and leaving the shop; doesn't work for me.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 09/09/2018 20:05

Mentally there is a big difference from stealing from a large corporation that you have probably given alot of
Money to anyway , than from robbing a mate

Not defending it just saying that many people manage to justify it morally quite easily

pigsDOfly · 10/09/2018 12:50

Yes, there might be a difference as far as the thief is concerned but as someone who has to shop with these large corporations, rather than stealing from them, I find it a bit galling that I'm having pay extra for certain goods in order to subsidize someone's 'thrilling' stealing habit.