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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shop lifting

164 replies

Marie0 · 08/09/2018 16:26

Apologies I am not sure if this is the right section to post, just after some advice...

My friend revealed to me last night that she regularly shoplifts. Funny thing is she has a very comfortable life style and certainly doesn't need to. (She has plenty of money)

She does it at supermarkets and steals groceries by putting them in a shopping bag which she hangs on the trolley and puts other items in the trolley.

She then goes to the checkout and says if she was caught (or asked) at the checkout about the other bag full of stuff she would simply say I've just bought all this stuff through the self service checkout and forgot a few items.

She said the Self service checkout asks if you want a print out for a receipt and she declines so therefore would simply say that she didn't think she would need the receipt.

I asked her why she does it and she says she gets a 'kick' out of it! Yesterday she stole a chicken, and jar of coffee. She says she only steals about £10 worth of goods every time she goes to the supermarket.

She doesn't appear to have any mental health issues and no criminal history. I didn't really react when she told me.

Certainly don't want her to get into trouble, but surely it's just a matter of time before she gets caught? I

AIBU if I tell her husband? But that's of course breaking her confidence.

Any advice??

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 08/09/2018 17:17

I'd stay out of it.
Some people do get a weird kick out of it. I know someone who will regularly just pop a tin of tuna or something in his pocket in Aldi. It's completely pointless and he can't even really explain why he does it.

nonevernotever · 08/09/2018 17:17

Wow! Fairly horrified that this is regarded almost as normal in some circles

taratill · 08/09/2018 17:19

flipping heck your friend is thick! Just because she didn't print a receipt doesn't mean there isn't a record of the transactions going through the self service check out.

I wouldn't get involved she will get caught.

Figbiscuitsandtea · 08/09/2018 17:20

I'm hoping its just a phase

You could maybe say that if she was stealing to feed herself or her family because of a current financial hardship. Or if she was stealing to fund a drug habit.

Your friend doesn't fit into those categories so I think the only way she'll stop is if when (not if) she is caught and held accountable.

Original poster
Marie0 · 08/09/2018 17:20

Wowfudge - yes she said she was doing in a lot of detail.

She also told me that she would do this..

Go to sainsburys and buy some stuff that had clearly come from sainburys, (on the packaging) then go to morrisons (with the bag of sainsburys groceries in the trolley) and put products in which could not be proved where they came from e'g cathedral city cheese. Then if she was to be caught she would say -oh I've just got this stuff from sainsburys - sorry I didn't leave it in the car as I only wanted a few bits and didn't want to buy another bag, so I just brought this one with me.'

She's a very clever woman - educated, calculated, can think on her feet, yet doing something incredibly stupid!

OP posts:
Original poster
Marie0 · 08/09/2018 17:22

Tom - she is well off. High paid job, no debt. known her for about 15 years

OP posts:
PretendIWasNeverHere · 08/09/2018 17:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EinsteinsArousedSausagesHCB · 08/09/2018 17:25

She said the Self service checkout asks if you want a print out for a receipt and she declines so therefore would simply say that she didn't think she would need the receipt.

As others have said, there will still be a record of transactions on the self service checkouts regardless.

I went through the self service checkout the other day, it wasn't working as the previous user had left part of their shopping after paying. A member of staff came over and accessed the previous transactions there and then, so that if the person returned for their items they would know they had already been paid for.

Original poster
Marie0 · 08/09/2018 17:27

Oysterbabe - yes I think this is just like your friend - she also doesn't know why she does it apart from 'she can' and says it makes her 'feel good'

I agree maybe the only way she will stop is if she gets caught.

But she also pretends to be on her phone at the check out with the plan of saying 'Oh I'm terribly sorry i thought I had put that through the till, I was distracted with my phone!' as a potential get out at the possibility of being caught

OP posts:
Graphista · 08/09/2018 17:27

My mum worked in retail for MANY years and when she left security was one of her responsibilities.

There are cameras EVERYWHERE now in the supermarkets, just because she hasn't spotted one or THINKS they aren't positioned/powerful enough to see her she's wrong!

Sometimes, the supermarkets even wait now until shoplifters have done it so many times that the amount they've stolen, when it goes to court, means they're unlikely to escape a custodial sentence. This is because they got fed up with them basically getting a slap on the wrist while costing the supermarkets (and thus customers - the cost is VERY much passed on) - £12MILLION PER DAY by the way - and so have adjusted their way of dealing with it.

People like your friend are unlikely to be stopped/arrested in the shop, more likely at work or home.

Some supermarkets also separately sue the perpetrators in the civil courts (because the well off ones this seems to affect them more).

The supermarkets have very experienced experts in charge of and designing their security measures. She WILL get caught.

Patterns of loss are analysed, which customers were present cross referenced using various software and algorithms. Extra store detectives are on duty at peak loss times etc - it's NOT just cameras, so one of them or even an observant customer could report her.

It's certainly not hard for them to check all the cctv covering the tills (extensive to cover not only theft by customers but staff too) at the times she CLAIMS to have paid for the goods and this evidence of her not paying will of course be admissible at court, plus the lack of records of a shop containing the items she's stolen.

She is a criminal, but she also needs help. This is not normal behaviour by any means.

SunnyCoco · 08/09/2018 17:27

In the news the other day there were a rich father and son who stole bottles of champagne from Fortnum and Mason

Thieves come from all walks of life

ConferencePear · 08/09/2018 17:29

So far no-one has said that this is just plain wrong. Thanks to people like her who steal the rest of us pay more.

glintandglide · 08/09/2018 17:31

As others have said she’ll get caught eventually. There could be all sorts of reasons why she does it. Maybe she does it because she can.

However as someone involved in product costing I can tell you it’s nowhere near as simple as “everyone else paying for it” - god knows where this idea comes from. It’s like something you tell children

Graphista · 08/09/2018 17:32

She THINKS she's clever - arrogance has been the downfall of many criminals.

Re sainsburys/morrisons "trick" they're wise to that one too and supermarkets DO communicate with each other on this type of issue. Certainly the police can obtain evidence from wherever necessary. Plus sainsburys and morrisons part of same company so free flow of info.

SauvignonBlanche · 08/09/2018 17:33

She’s playing with fire!

slashlover · 08/09/2018 17:36

My uncle works security in a department store and says it's quite common there - doctors, lawyers etc. taking small items of jewellery or a scarf. They can easily afford to buy them but there's a 'thrill' of getting away with it.

Your friend will get caught, supermarket staff are not stupid.

EvaHarknessRose · 08/09/2018 17:37

Angry People like her will make people like me (who forgetfully and innocently swing bags of pastries around in my hand while paying for the rest of my sainsburys shopping, or absent mindedly walk off without paying, totally non intentionally but sadly more often than my responsible professional job and apparent intellect would suggest) look sooo bad.

I always go back and pay.

Figbiscuitsandtea · 08/09/2018 17:38

Do you think she's also 'stealing to order' OP?. I know she's in employment, but her thieving could be adding to her lining her pockets.

Jars of coffee/cheese/joints are often targets for the shop lifters who sell items on.

PlatypusPie · 08/09/2018 17:38

This used to be quite a common topic in about the 70s to 80s - bored and/or repressed housewives looking for a thrill when the cooking sherry or Valium had worn off or women acting out of character because of the mysterious ‘change’ ( menopause). Newspapers liked to splash salacious stories about ‘Judge’s wife in theft shock’.

Maybe more achievable in pre cctv days. She needs an actual hobby.

GawdNurseryFees · 08/09/2018 17:38

Next you’ll tell us she was stupid enough to swipe her club card each time too Hmm

She’s nowhere near clever enough to get away with this.

Original poster
Marie0 · 08/09/2018 17:38

lol at Richard Madely comment - no it's not him!

I think I will tell her about Graohista comments - she does seem to have this arrogance and I she is possibly not aware of tight security can be as you have pointed out.

I know she's doing wrong, and I really want her to stop in case she gets caught so I will tell her how security can be a lot more sophisticated than she thinks (as you have pointed out).

she's also stolen earrings and put them in her ears whilst going around the shop. Afterwards has said she doesn't even like them!

Maybe she's gone a bit crazy!

OP posts:
rudehealth · 08/09/2018 17:39

But inthe scenario where she makes out she for stuff from another store- so easy to prove she’s lying. CCTV

rudehealth · 08/09/2018 17:42

@EvaHarknessRose

Do you seriously regularly walk out without realising you’ve paid for something?

rudehealth · 08/09/2018 17:42

sainsburys and morrisons

They are not

rudehealth · 08/09/2018 17:43

Part of the same company!