Who should have which rooms?

[Supercala123]

Four kids aged 20 months, 9,12 and 15.
9 year old is with us half the time and with her mum half the time.
House hunting for four bed houses with log cabin type set up for 15 year old. (We’ve done log cabin thing before and it worked well so that’s no issue).
AIBU to think that 12 year old who’s here full time should have second biggest room, 9 year old who’s here 50% of time should have third biggest and baby smallest with myself and partner having biggest room?
Partner thinks 9 year old should be given the choice of room so she doesn’t feel excluded.

I would say give 9 year old the smallest but allow them to decorate how they like

Your plan sounds right as it puts them in order of age which is appropriate and not picking one child out as special. His ppan will cause resentment.

Why is age relevant?

I would give 9 year old the smallest. The younger the child the more crap that comes with them I find. Bulky toys etc

No HIBU. There are plenty of ways to help 9yo feel included - she can help choose things for the new house, decorate and choose things for her room etc. She shouldn't get the pick of the bedrooms (because ofc she will choose the biggest!) when she is only resident in this home 50% of the time. In fact, I'd argue that the baby should have the 3rd largest room and the 9yo the smallest - what happens later when she has to give up her room for the baby who is there all the time? This issue is all your DP's. If nobody makes a fuss, the 9yo won't bat an eyelid about her room.

You said it exactly how it makes the most sense.
12 year old who’s here full time should have second biggest room, 9 year old who’s here 50% of time should have third biggest and baby smallest with myself and partner having biggest room

I'm assuming 12/15 year olds aren't his? So does he think prioritising HIS child over the others won't cause exclusion?

Would you not be better off giving the 9yro the smallest room if they're only with you half the time? Your 20 month old won't stay a baby for long and will soon aquire the same about of toys junk as the other kids thst are there all the time. How would 9yro feel about being moved to smaller room? The decisions though should be up to you and DH not the choice of the 9yro.

When we moved into our current house 9 year old had the smallest room and didn’t like having it as she felt it was unfair. This made dp feel that he had ‘wronged her’ in some way as she was excluded and why wasn’t she considered for the other rooms.
I disagreed with this when he said it and it caused arguments.
20 month old is a poor sleeper so I’m in with him half the night in a double bed in his room so him having the smallest room will be a nightmare....but am happier for this to happen so that she doesn’t have the smallest.....I’ll jyst be on the sodding floor for half the night!

Your 9 year old has two bedrooms. The rest of them don't.

Give the baby the biggest room, put a really comfortable double in the for you. Babies and toddlers have loads of crap in all senses - you'll need room for the changing table, nappy bin, big toddler toys - big kids won't want toddler stuff all over the rest of the house, toddler needs room to play.

Squeeze a tiny double and clothes rail into the smallest for you and your partner, as actually you'll be in with the youngest at night in your lovely big double.

12 and 9 year old do scissor, paper, stone for remaining rooms with the pre announced caveat that the decoration and furniture budget is higher for the smaller of the two due to the need for clever space saving solutions.

This is so awkward because 9yo isn’t your child so you automatically get the wicked stepmom label if you force the issue.

If it was eow I’d push for 9yo in smallest, but with it 50/50 I think your original proposal is fair and should keep the peace.

DH is BVU to want his DC1 to choose a room.

Having two bedrooms / homes is a disadvantage not an advantage.

Suggest tossing coin between 9 and 12 year old for choice of the two most suitable rooms, and swopping after 2 years.

I'd go the other way.
12 yr old in the smallest room, then 9yr old, then baby, then parents in the biggest room. Otherwise us a, 9 yr old in smallest room, but it sounds like that isn't going to be acceotable.
12yr old is likely to have the least stuff, and baby the most toys etc over the coming years. Will also make your bed hopping easier!

Our DC have bigger rooms than us, we only use ours for sleeping while they have all the crap there. Would that be an option?

Our kids do scissor, paper stone for all such decisions where they can't sort them amicably. Certainly "not excluding" doesn't mean the same as "giving absolute priority and favouring at the expense of everyone else" in a case like this.

I still stand by my suggestion above though. You shouldn't end up sleeping on the floor as the result of this.

The scenario your partner proposes has him alone in the big, plush master bedroom, his own child in the second biggest room which they only use half the week, your 12 year old in the second smallest room full time, and you on the floor of the smallest room, sharing with your non sleeping toddler.

Nine year old in smallest. Sorry but anything else is madness

12 year olds need space to do homework in their rooms, especially if they have lots of younger siblings. Giving the 12 year old the smallest room is a terrible idea.

Your suggestion is fine, and also think ahead a few years, say five years.

15 year old will be 20, ready to fly the nest.
12 year old will be 17 wanting a bit of independence
9 year old will be young teen
Baby will be 6/7

Then you move them all up a room, with the oldest getting the smallest room as a bedroom for when they come home from college, drop in for the weekend etc.

It may be a storm in a teacup as you are still house hunting.

The rooms in the house may not be 4 different sizes.

You often get a master bedroom, 2 matched children's rooms and a box.

Or all sorts of other size combinations.

We have a very large bedroom with sloping ceilings (large floor, restricted height) down a short corridor and a few steps, two almost identical size smaller doubles opposite each other, and a big attic bedroom accessed by a steep extra staircase.

Often the considerations aren't actually assigning room size, but there are other pros and cons.

Viques this is exactly my thought. Just being made to feel like the bad guy.
Thanks everyone for helping me not to feel so bad about this x

What on earth does "log cabin type set up" mean???

It means a separate building (like a log cabin) in the garden to be used as a 5th bedroom Mammy

Child with smallest room getting the pick in the next house is fair enough as a rule, and it's not her fault she's only there half the time. But giving her the biggest room seems a bit OTT.

Presuming baby is from the second marriage and the others aren't, I do think you should give the baby the smallest room too. Don't give 12 and 9 year old ammo for feeling you're favouring the new(ish) arrival. The baby's turn will come and they'll have pick of the rooms when they're older. They could well be sleeping through by the time you've found the house and moved in anyway.

I was wondering the same thing @mammy!