To allow my 9 year old DD to walk to school on her own?

[Lizzie48]

My DD1 is 9 years old and in year 5. This is the year in which pupils are allowed to walk to or from school unaccompanied and DD1 is keen to do that. It's only a 15 minute walk, but I'm uneasy about it, as there is a busy road to cross. There is a lollipop lady who helps the children cross the road, obviously, but I'm not totally sure I can trust her not to cross the road earlier if she sees a friend on the other side. In addition, she does other silly things, like climbing onto a wall and walking along it.

Admittedly, she'll be less likely to do things like that if DD2 (6) isn't with her. But she is quite young for her age emotionally, and has some SEN that we're getting her help with, as well as Attachment Disorder as a result of being adopted.

But it's encouraging that she's keen and she obviously needs to start walking to and from school herself at some point. It would be interesting to know at what age other parents on here allow their DC to go on their own.

I used to walk to and from school at much younger age, but obviously roads were less busy in those days.

It wouldn't be all that often, as I will be taking DD2 to school anyway.

but I'm not totally sure I can trust her not to cross the road earlier if she sees a friend on the other side. In addition, she does other silly things, like climbing onto a wall and walking along it.

She’s not ready. My 9 year old isn’t either. I’ve started letting him walk from the shop near the school. I can watch him the whole way up the road and he only has to cross with the lollipop man at the school entrance.

Could you try letting her walk a small part of the way with you spying from somewhere?

Is there a pal she could walk with? Or send her out in front of you and her sister so she is wakking ahead I would let her do afew practise runs and see how it goes she is probably over excited because this is the year she is allowed reality might be a bit scary for her.

My 8 year old does it. I started off walking behind her with my youngest, and she's perfectly sensible. Not sure your DD sounds quite ready, but I always think you should give them a shot if they've felt ready enough to mention it.

I go HUGE on 'trust' i.e. I am trusting you, if you bugger that up it will be a loooong time before I trust you do it again.

It doesn't sound like she's ready. The main issue seems to be about impulse control. If she can't be relied on to stop, think and look before running across a road to a friend then she's not safe alone.
Can she walk part of the way on her own as a compromise? At that age I used to walk my son to the lollipop lady and then he would walk the rest of the way on his own - because he didn't need to cross any more roads and it was a short walk down a quiet street with lots of other parents and children. When he was a bit older he would meet a (sensible) friend on the corner of our street and walk with him.

In addition, she does other silly things, like climbing onto a wall and walking along it

Is this wall like one brick wide and 12ft up or what?

Only you can really judge. My 9 year old isn't ready, she has mild sn too and is very easily distracted, I think it will be some time before I would let her do it on her own.

Most people I know started this sometime over the year and it wasn't until the last term that nearly all the children walked on their own. Take your time and use this term to make small changes towards her being able to do this.

You know yourself when the time is right. And it doesn't sound like it is yet.

I climb on walls sometimes. Quite low down ones though.

I’d say not yet. Our school allows if from year 5 and the children who live a 5 min walk away go alone but the children who live 30mins away like us don’t.
Could you start encouraging a bit of independence by maybe walking her part of the way (over the main road if that would work) then letting her do the last bit on her own?

you will gets lots of opinions, but in the end only you know your child, and you circumstances (roads/traffic etc)

With ds, I used to walk younger dcs to school, so he left home and walked, and I was about 1 minute behind him. Which meant that he wasn't actually on his own, he was just out of sight ahead of us.

So, when you are ready, you could try letting her go first, and then you will find her/overtake her if she is being slow.
You could try letting her walk home sometimes.
You could try going as far as the busy road, crossing it and then let her go off ahead

break it down a bit into smaller chunks. 15 minutes is quite a long way to do on your own if you are not 100% sure of her.

I think she is about the right age but it doesn't sound like she is ready. I think if she is keen to do it, maybe it is something she can work towards. Maybe get her to walk near you but not with you for a bit so she can demonstrate that she can be sensible and keep herself safe, then gradually work up to her going completely on her own.

Age or distance aren’t the determining factor.

The child’s behaviour/level of common sense is the determining factor.

It doesn’t matter whether I’d have let my child walk alone earlier if your child isn’t ready.

I do too Miranda

My Y5 dd is asking the same. Very sensible but we have a 60mph road to cross and although not particularly busy and with an island she can’t judge the speed. I walk younger ds to school anyway so when we get across this road I let her go by herself as it just cul de sacs to cross to school. She is still in sight though and I sometimes go via her classroom window to check she’s in

I’ve gone for a gradual approach to this with my DD, starting with meeting her at the bottom of the school drive at the beginning of y. she’s just started y6 and she now walks about two thirds of the way by herself, I just do the first/last bit where she has to cross a couple of busy roads. I’m anticipating by the summer term she’ll be walking the whole way.

Is there a point you’d be happy to meet her at, then over time if she proves trustworthy you can gradually increase the distance she walks by herself.

Thank you for your replies. That is basically how I'm feeling about this, she isn't ready to go on her own. There is a mate in her class who lives 3 doors down; they possibly would be able to walk to school together. But I have talked about this with her mum, who is a friend of mine, and although the friend is keen, she herself isn't so keen.

Mornings are so scary round here I couldn't do it. My dd is not ready but even adults have near misses

I started letting my DS leave the house to go to school alone when he was 8. I was only ever a minute or so behind him in the car with my minded children. So I passed him on the way and was already at school when he arrived. He was (is) a sensible boy and gave me no cause for concern. He had being doing it for nearly the whole school year when he got knocked down by a car on a minor rd on the 5 minute journey!

You can't predict every scenario. Give your child rules, tools for being safe and then let them do it. The chances are that they will be fine but only you know if you and them are ready to make that first move.

@BluthsFrozenBananas that's definitely a possibility. She and her sister often walk some distance ahead of me, often with friends on the way to school. They've both become very good at responding to my voice when I tell them to wait or to slow down, which is much less often now, the school run has certainly become much less stressful recently.

Meeting her halfway is certainly an option, though it's not likely to happen very often, as obviously I'm picking DD2 up after school every day anyway.

By some distance, I hasten to clarify that I mean well within shouting distance.

I was apprehensive about my 9 year old starting to walk to school. He only just turned 9 5 days before year 5 started.
Al these thing seen through my head, what if he doesn’t watch the road blah blah..

Anyway it’s been fine touch obvious wood

He only really learned to start being sensible and stuff from walking to school alone. Mind he walks with a friend now but occasionally will walk alone. Once I’d relaxed, he relaxed. He’s in year 6 now and is pretty confident to walk to the park near school too. He has a phone though..
I can’t say whether your daughter is ready but mine really did just need to try it for himself! Now I think he’s be rather annoyed if I tried to walk him myself 😂😂

DD definitely paid more attention to roads and crossing safely when she was doing it on her own. When I am with her she often doesn't look but relies on me to do her looking for her.
So you do have to start making sure they are doing this. Either by walking ahead of you, or by them telling you when it is safe to cross.

I let my dd (9) walk home from school when it’s my pick up days but my mum doesn’t on her days. Which is funny because I’d deem the walk to my mums safer than home but it’s up to her as she’s in charge on those days. So it’s not even something people agree on with the same child!! Problem these days is there are so few other children allowed to walk home alone there are no other kids they can walk with.

DD’s primary only allowed it in Y6 but we tested it a lot during Summer term Y5. The road DD had to cross had a really difficult bend, hard to see if a car was approaching. DD had to show me several times how she crosses the road and also demonstrate proper traffic knowledge when we were out anywhere else. She knew that was the condition for her to walk alone and not going to her childminder anymore (big incentive for her).

She also knew we would pull the privilege if she would fool around out with us.

It brought her so much independence and she grew up a lot during the autumn term. I think we often forget how much we coach them when we walk with them, how can they learn?