To allow my 9 year old DD to walk to school on her own?

[Lizzie48]

My DD1 is 9 years old and in year 5. This is the year in which pupils are allowed to walk to or from school unaccompanied and DD1 is keen to do that. It's only a 15 minute walk, but I'm uneasy about it, as there is a busy road to cross. There is a lollipop lady who helps the children cross the road, obviously, but I'm not totally sure I can trust her not to cross the road earlier if she sees a friend on the other side. In addition, she does other silly things, like climbing onto a wall and walking along it.

Admittedly, she'll be less likely to do things like that if DD2 (6) isn't with her. But she is quite young for her age emotionally, and has some SEN that we're getting her help with, as well as Attachment Disorder as a result of being adopted.

But it's encouraging that she's keen and she obviously needs to start walking to and from school herself at some point. It would be interesting to know at what age other parents on here allow their DC to go on their own.

I used to walk to and from school at much younger age, but obviously roads were less busy in those days.

It wouldn't be all that often, as I will be taking DD2 to school anyway.

For me I wouldn’t be ready. I said to my DS I know you’re very sensible and I know you can be trusted but it makes me feel ill. I don’t feel ready, can you just bear with me and we’ll work up to it? Gradually I felt better from doing little things and other kids in the class were doing things with him. He’s in year 7 now and he gets the bus and is quite independent. He’s really good at keeping me updated as well because he knows how I get.

My DD is 9 and I’m not ready again! In the holidays she’ll start having some independence and walking with friends in year 6. So that’s always my aim - year 6. I’m really overprotective though. I accept that now and only fight it if deep down I think I’m being irrational.

It’s important that you’re happy and comfortable.

DS is the oldest person in Y5 (10 today!) and goes to breakfast club most days (nit allowed to go to breakfast club by yourself). I take the dc to school on Mondays, and am planning on letting him walk by himself next week. It’s a 5 min walk at most, but he will need to cross a busy road at a pedestrian crossing (no lollipop person).

Dd(6) and I will be 100m behind him though!

If she isn't mature enough to do it herself then it's really unfair to expect a friend the same age to walk with her. What would the friend be expected to do if your dd suddenly tried to run across the road? Try to stop her and get killed herself? Or just stand by and watch and feel responsible? I would totally not be keen on this if I was the friend's mum, however much I trusted my own child.

When I found that my SIL had left my 6yo minding her impulsive and young-for-his-age 4yo on the (extremely calm and safe) beach I blew her head off though I would certainly have trusted ds to not get into any trouble off his own bat. But I could see a situation where he got drowned trying to save his cousin.

If you're not mature enough to do something safely alone, then you're certainly not mature enough to do it with friends your own age or slightly older: you need somebody old enough to be a babysitter.

I wouldn't let my 9 year old (also SEN) walk alone. It's less than 10 minutes, 3 roads to cross- all generally pretty quiet roads but one is right next to a roundabout with 4 different directions to check before crossing. I don't trust him to be sensible. I think I'd trust my 6 year old more!

DD2 has been walking to and from school some days on her own since Y4, as did DD1. We are

Your dd really doesn't sound ready, you will know when she is. I wouldn't let her no way. To be honest the biggest concern are the crazy drivers in the mornings. I wouldn't let my 10 year old walk to school because she is easily distracted and the roads are a death trap.

Stick with your gut feeling and keep her safe for another year or so.

I never went to primary school on my own and didn't know anyone else who did either. I think 9 is too young to be doing that, especially with the other information you've provided. I only started going to school alone when I went to secondary school.

Point taken re DD1's friend, though I was only thinking of suggesting that when DD1 shows a little more maturity, maybe later in the year, or, more likely, next year. She has changed a lot since last year tbf, so hopefully by the time she's in year 6 she'll be ready.

Although obviously if she isn't ready, the answer will still be no.

I would say she doesn't sound ready yet.

Also as you are walking with sibling it isn't needed, and the walking with you will be good for ongoing attachment. My DD (also adopted) part wanted to walk independently, but when push came to shove she wanted me to spend the time walking with her.

What you can start to do, is let her go on ahead, e.g. once the big road is crossed she can go faster if she want to, or dawdle with a friend. Then increase to crossing at the lollipop whilst you are watching her etc.

She doesn't need to be walking alone yet. After y6 SATs (so last 6 weeks of primary) is plenty early enough to get ready for secondary. Sof if it takes that long for her to be ready, you have the time to wait.

She doesn't sound ready. I'm in a similar situation with DS2 (9) also in yr 5. He's keen to walk and does have a friend who lives in our road to walk with. No busy roads to cross and 90% of the walk is through a busy park with a lollipop lady at the other end crossing to school. My issue is that DS just still seems abit daft!!

So currently we're building him and his friend up. I'm waiting outside the school gates after school, in a couple of weeks I'm going to start meeting them at the lollipop lady. Hopefully in time they'll walk on their own but I'll probably take the dog for a park walk around school run time so I'll always be nearby

DS1 was very ready to walk on his own at this age, DS2 is a different story...

I can't advise, but I always find these threads very interesting.

I'm in Germany where children are often encouraged to walk alone the last year of Kindergarten (age 5) in order to prepare for first year of Grundschule (age 6) when everyone who is within walking distance walks to school on their own.

For us this meant ds1 learnt how to navigate the busy high and cross at a zebra crossing, then up a residential street to his Kindy. I do think that the drivers here are more careful though, because it's completely normal to see very small children walking out and about on their own.

So a combination of learning to be traffic-aware very young and the drivers themselves being more aware means that generally they can walk to school on their own very young.

My ds has just gone into year 4 and will start walking home (15/20 minutes) after Xmas. Was going to start a thread asking what age others started this.

Ds1 is 10 now but he's been walking himself to school since he was 8. He wanted to and I felt he would be ok so I started 'training him up'. I'd get him to tell me when he thought it was safe to cross the roads. Admittedly it was easier for us because although there are 3 roads to cross, 2 are one-way and one of those is very quiet with a good clear view.

The only issue was the final road, the one the school is actually on, which gets chocka-block with cars dropping off (of course it does, kids have to get to school somehow). This is pretty hairy because lots of those cars (not all) are being driven by the kind of dickhead who thinks it's ok to park in the drive of a nearby house/reverse up the kerb at speed, almost taking out the family by said kerb trying to survive the chaos.

I shadowed ds1 pretty closely every day until I was satisfied he had decent awareness and judgement. I also advised him that he should always try and cross with another family - there's always someone about at the same time. It might get busy with driving school-runners, but there are loads of walkers too.

He's managed fine, I just made sure he was ready ☺

You would never forgive yourself if something happened. My son was run over when he was 8, he really wanted to walk to the shop by himself and it is my biggest regret not realising the risk I was taking and allowing him to do it. If there is ANY doubt in your mind, please just don’t do it. It’s better to have her grumpy for a couple more years than severely disabled for the rest of her life or not here at all. 😢

@Booklover18 I'm so sorry about your DS, that's just awful.

I will stick to what my gut's telling me. Thank you, all, for all your replies.