Anyone else feel like this after having a baby....visitors!!!

[bitzy12]

So I had my 3rd baby on Monday by elective c section. There's not a day since where we haven't had visitors wether it be at hospital or at home. Some I don't mind....other's I'd rather of said no too.

Yesterday I spent the day in tears, in pain and generally had enough due to lack of sleep.

So I've said to dh no visitors today or tomorrow.

We've literally got a list of people who are constantly messaging asking to come round. So I've separated them into yes and no lol.

For example dh's boss and his wife are coming Sunday. And I honestly am so looking forward to seeing them. They've been lovely and sent a text saying they would love to come round but totally understand if we don't want visitors. Promised they won't stay long and have genuinely been lovely.

Then I've got one of my friends who has sent me 13 messages in the last 4 days asking how I am, how baby is doing, how he's sleeping etc....and all the same ending 'can't wait to come and cuddle him'. It's just put me off her coming round and I've stopped responding to her messages now.

I've got another friend saying she's put together a shopping list for us and she was going to get it and bring it round - i messaged her to say thank you very much and that was kind but there was no need. She's one that would stay all day if you let her.

My aunty and family just turned up at the hospital 4 hours after surgery even though we said no visitors until the next day. That one really annoyed me as not even mine or dh mum had seen baby yet. They were the first ones and we only see them once a year! They could see I was knackered from surgery and not really that impressed so left after 10 mins. They live an hours drive away.

Anyone else been like this? Finding some people you really want to see and others you don't?

Also aibu to feel like this? It just feels like there's a competition between family and friends as to who can see the baby first.....then obviously they put it on social media as it makes them look important to of been able to come and see a new baby.....

I had this with my first baby - by the time I’d had my third no one was arsed 😂👍

Congratulations!

I don't think yabu
I've recently had my 3rd baby (elective section) and was also getting fed up with ppl texting and ringing all the time. I couldn't wait to show my baby off to the world but I wanted to do it in my own time and not because I'm precious or anything, just that I felt I needed time to get over the op, settle in at home with new dd and our other DD's and generally just be a little family unit for a few days before being bombarded. My best friend cane round on the Friday (had dd Monday) but I invited her as she's my best friend and so lovely. She stayed 1 hour and it was fine.

My in laws came into the delivery room as soon as my DD was born. That I did not appreciate! Blame my OH for that one!

I just said no to all visitors except the grandparents and our siblings for the first 2 weeks.

I felt like this for a few months after the birth of second! Baby had constant colds and literally didn't sleep, I was so so so tired and moody and upset...I was just in a bad place and there are some people you feel comfortable being like that. And others that you know you have to 'host' and don't want them to see you sobbing around on pj's without showering for a few days. I think you have to tell them in advance you can only manage x time or pretend you've got to go put for an appointment after or something

When the midwife comes tomorrow, ask her to sort out a prescription for better pain relief. She can phone the surgery, and your DH can pop out and collect it.

Congratulations!
I worry about being THAT annoying friend when my friends have had babies in the past 😂 so I make a point of congratulating them and saying to let me know when they felt up to visitors and left it with them. One friend asked me to come to the hospital which was fine and another it was 6 weeks before I met here baby she had a traumatic time and went ready and that was fair enOugh. However those children are now 2&3 and I miss them when I don’t see them for a couple of weeks I have really good bonds with both of them.

I’ve just had my third andc honestly have never felt so lonely! My closest group of friends all popped in together and stayed less than half an hour. My mums been in once or twice and my mother in low drove over an hour to stay for 20 minutes then leave. Everyone says ‘oh we’ll just leave you to it you must be so tired and fed up of visitors’ etc etc but in reality I’ve seen no one. I don’t even bother to get dressed any more because I know no one is coming. In your shoes I would make it clear what I want, if people turn up anyway just don’t answer the door! Congratulations btw

I think you need to appreciate the sentiment that is intended with the visits. People are excited to see the baby and pass on their congratulations to you.

Yes, you are entitled to ask for some time and space to recover and adjust to the new addition; but be careful not to dismiss the well wishers unnecessarily.

With my DS I didn’t receive a single visit when in the hospital other than DH, I was also recovering from c-section. No visitors immediately afterwards either. It was a really lonely time for me, with my Dad dying a few years previously and my Mum having to go into respite (advanced dementia) just so I could have my baby.

Friends stayed away because they thought we would need space in the early days, whereas I was desperate to see a friendly face and show DS off.

I would have dearly loved the fuss and the attention that you are maybe taking for granted.

YANBU I would feel really overwhelmed with that number of visitors and people telling you when they’ll be coming over is not on at all.

Having said that when I lost one of my twins and the other spent 8 weeks in NICU nobody even bought me a fucking ready meal. I think people stayed away because they didn’t know what to say and it was so lonely, I would have loved to have felt like I had some support and people rallying around me like you do.

I remember when I had ds my dh friend rung him and turned up at the hospital as we were about to be discharged wanting to follow us home and visit there and then!.Id never met them before that! I told dh def not id had a traumatic birth and was in a lot of pain still

This gets bandied around on here a lot. Who seriously does this? And who the fuck would even pander to it? In my house it would be 'help yourself' and no one I know would expect to be waited on in this situation.
I'm not kidding but I had this from my mum 4 days after I gave birth. I wasn't in good shape. I'd had over 100 stitches and they were so sore. Dh had to go back as he'd used up time on me being in hospital on amd off before the birth so only 3 days after I'm alone with new baby and small kids. The house is a tip and I looked like minced shite. Anyway. She turned up about 3 in the afternoon. I was sat on the couch in my pyjamas about to feed dd2. My other two who were 5 and 3 were going bonkers at being cooped up with me and screaming baby. They were also in pj's. My mum comes bustling through the door looks around and says " Give her here, I'll feed her. You go make me a coffee and a sandwich". I took dd off her and marched upstairs with her bottle. It might sound small but it really upset me.

Dh wanted to go and visit his sister while she was in labour. I made him see the light.
While I was actually pushing ds out my brothers gf at the time kept ringing the delivery suite for an update. The woman on the desk wasn't happy.

I haven't read all the posts. My grandson was born today. I couldn't wait to meet him. I hope my son and daughter in law didn't think I was intruding on their time. I will be always be there for the 3 of them. My grandson is beautiful!

Congratulations on your new born. There will be others who want to celebrate his/her life. You need to prioritise your visitors. Family first (except those you hate) then friends. Allow those you rate as 10 first visit. Those you rate 5 can wait. Those you rate 0 have no chance.

We all have decisions to make. Getting it right for everyone is a life skill Good luck 🍀

YANBU these threads come up a lot and normally the generous consensus agrees with you. Constant streams of visitors are exhausting. I had a traumatic birth with DS1. My uncle and aunt called me to say congratulations, I adore them and was so grateful for their call but also was exhausted I felt it so difficult just to hold the conversation with them.

When my in laws visited after DS2 was born, DH was making lunch for DS1 and I was feeding DS2 on the sofa. In laws kept making comments of “are we ever going to get a cup of tea?” and asking me if DS2 slept through yet...

So no, not all visitors are helpful! Some get so excited about a new baby and don’t think about the parents

Not being unreasonable. And to the person who said "arent you lucky" it doesnt work like that. Just because you disnt have visitors, doesnt make it lucky to have people swarming in everyday, tsking up your time and energy, making a mess and overstaying their welcone when you just want to recover and bond with your baby. OP just get your husband saying no a bit more. Or limit to a certain number of guests per day. Or even one meet and greet where everyone comes together so no one is left out but youre not entertaining all day long.

Me and my husband had the exact same issue!! It drove me up the wall. Now we get so many people's asking us when the next baby is coming along and we tell them we don't want another... what it translates to though is we are trying for another but we aren't going to tell people when and if I get pregnant and we will drop the bomb shell a couple of weeks after baby is born. The only people who will know are the people who really really have to. The thing is these people only want new born baby cuddles then after about 6 weeks barely any of them come again! Make sure you have family time and enjoy the new baby you shouldn't be having to entertain visitors x

YANBU. It is awful you have to feel like this. I would never visit a friend or family so soon especially after a C section unless they needed help . Except dsis who summons me to help People are very inconsiderate and it is shit you are been put in this position.

Personally I wouldn't care if anyone got the hump, put yourself and your baby first friends or not and say no you are recovering and bonding.

Before DC I probably would not have been so thoughtful, get DH to have a word or say your contagious.