my 18 is a compulsive liar

[1981fishgut]

We just not sure how long we can hang on having him at home

He suffers with Depression and has very mild gdd

Yes he has a very good job but he lies consistently and all the time

He omits
He Denys
He ropes in others in his lies

He also peppers things with the truth to make it seem like he’s telling the truth
He prentends he has forgotten things
And even when you catch him read handed he still lies he lies if you try and give him a way out

He also dosent admit fault ever

It’s really difficult to live with and we are really struggling emotionally it’s very draining you basically can’t belive anything he said even things.

If we confront him on his lies he shout shakes and screams

anyone else having this issue with their teen young adult

Were working on a manged move he’s saving from his job so we can move him out in 3 years he gives us £500 per month and we put that in a ISA but we’re struggling to hold on

I asked on your other thread, but you never replied,how far behind is he?

This totally sounds like one of my adult children. Up to now they have
-Told school that they can't get in on time as they were picking me up of the floor after my nightly drunken vomitfest.
-They are sole carer for their siblings.
That i went on holiday and left them at home with a new born baby, no food, gas, electric and didn't contact them for 5 days. ( I didn't even have a baby)
-Told their school they had a brain tumour. Two years later at uni it was leukemia.
-That I attacked her with a hammer ( not a mark on her, I was hanging a painting)
-Told my best friend that she had miscarried the day before, knowing that I would see her that day and I had already bought her tampons for her period 4 days earlier
-Told my neighbours that I was being sectioned as my behaviour was so abusive towards my children.
-Has stolen so much from me. Make up, jewellery, clothing. Not just me. Anybody that she can.
-Has a giant crisis every time another member of the family has an event. My 4yo daughters school nativity? A brick was thrown through my window so she had to call the police. My sons music exam concert? She accidentally took an overdose.

That is barely even scratching the surface. In her "good" days she is a total delight. When she is circling the drain about to have a meltdown I am a total monster that has never loved her, she wishes I would die. She has been doagnosed with Border Line Personality Disorder. She doesn't want treatment. She gets a job when she is feeling great, and she can charm the birds from the trees....within 4-6 weeks she will have either left work or been sacked, stopped washing, be inventing crazy stories etc. It is pointless for me to arrange any intervention as she lies like she breathes and tells people exactly what they want to hear.

I cant live with her. The psychiatrist says that she needs to be held accountable for her behaviour and live according to the rules of the family. But she refuses ( at the expense of my other well behaved kids). She lives with a family member now and I barely see her.

Should also add that my daughter also has a neuro issue that is possibly linked to impulsive behaviour so that could be a contributing factor ( as well as hormones).

@N0tfinished

This people have no idea he has Sn and MH issues he is a nightmare I just so worn down by his behaviour

Some of the delightful things he did in the hight of his MH issues last year included going to the totilet in his room
Not washing for months at a time wearing clothing ripped with holes
And over eating about 70% of his wages were being spent on food

He also didn’t speak to anyone for 6 months solid not leaving his room in the end I had to go outside and brake back in through his bedroom window we had not seen him for two weeks at this point and he had not left the house

If anyone dobuts he has a MH

@Queenofthestress. Academically he’s doing really really well but socially he operates at about 16 years

We only been able to leave him in the house for the first time this summer he nearly 19
And even then he told us there was somthing wrong with the house witch triggered us coming home early

Pawneeparksdept suggestion seems to offer the most hope. Could you go to the GP yourself & ask about that?

So sorry for your frustration, do you think that it's possible that hasn't been properly diagnosed?

TrumpsTinyCheesyWotsit

The whole thing has just thrown me

He has not lied about me (that I know of )

But lies to me and dh and everyone else all the time

Kattyy Yes
However dh is a nurse and has said even if the did have a personality disorder rather than depression there is nothing you can do about a PD so we wouldn’t be any further really and because his lies are causing a issue to the wider society eg their confined to

Us (for now ) and he is able to work theirs not much to be done personally I think his anti depression tabs the dostage needs to be upped but he’s not under CHAMS anymore so it’s up to him

Two days agai he came in the house he was wearing shorts and a tee and had nothing in his hands
Then went in his room I knocked to ask him somthing he had a pizza form a take a way

I thought oh were did that come from

He casually said I put It through the window because I didn’t want ....my youngest asking for any

i asked him if he felt that was normal behaviour he said yes
I give up

It's hard, but the reason why many of us said to make him live on his own is because you just sound at the end of your tether.
Sometimes being apart helps because you will get better and have more energy to deal with him when you see him. And he will be forced to do some things differently. Also he could, from what I heard, access other support services.
You need a break. It really sounds like you can't do this much longer. He can obviously be somewhat self sufficient as he has a job, but he, and yourself tbf, will never see how much unless you tell him to move out. You can still help him. Bring him dinners sometimes, help with washing and other bits. Check up on him in general.

This is a link to an explanation of what I'm talking about from NHS England

www.kent.ac.uk/tizard/resources/documents/Forensics%20Conference%202017/Tizard%20Conference%20Forensic%20March%202017.pdf

Not read the full thread but I think this is one of the reasons it's best to live with people who don't love him unconditionally for a while. He might listen when they complain or throw him out or whatever. He knows he can take the piss at home without consequences.

Buying him a house , however it's done, just no, he won't appreciate it and it ties him geographically. Plus it can be repossessed, whereas there's housing benefit if in rental (or whatever benefit counts at that time.) as a safety net.

Was talking to a friend earlier this week and their 50yo son was still taking the piss and getting them to fund his lifestyle, as he had some (unaddressed, undiagnosed) MH issues. Enabling people, however vulnerable they are, doesn't work. If they need help, they need help but not at the expense of other people's own MH.

I can't get over him firstly being able to get a 'good job' and secondly being able to keep it.
You need to help him get his own place OP, he is an adult now and as such can make his own decisions.

@Mrsmadevans.

do you not understand how being high functioning works so beings able to hold a very geeky academic job but not having any friends and being socially deficient

Mrsmadevans And Tyne the first pt job he had while at collage he had to resign from after committing fraud

Here’s the kicker he didn’t even benefit for the fraud not that’s any better

But think about giving somone you know more than they ordered

If he's functioning on a 16 year old level now, in 3 years he'll function at 18 year old level so more able to live on his own. I would in no way do it right now as he's not functioning on a level that would enable him to survive so to speak. What about supported housing?

Thanks all who have been supportive

Definitely will be having a re think about helping him save for a house and possibly him renting

Queenofthestress

Yes we had in mind 3 years time (but not sure if we can hold on that long)

Do you have any provisions like a doorstep in your area? Or a navigo? They should be able to sign post you in the direction you need to go into.
I know ex-dp is in a doorstep flat because of his autism, they might be able to provide some help?

I was pointed in the direction of scope and the carers service when sorting out ex-dps place to live with his mother, they might be able to help too

I spoke to young minds but because he is able to work and is articulate no one wants to know

Are you sure though that he just isn't using his MH issues to get away with these things? Because from what you said it sounds like it's just your family he is abusing like this? Sadly some people do use MH issues as excuse for their poor behaviour, which is really bad.

@OftenHangry. He lies so much I have no clue

Has he ever suffered any consequences from his lies or do they always benefit him? I mean apart from losing his job which perhaps he wasn't bothered by.

@1981fishgut have you looked for a support for yourself rather than for him? I think it could really help you make decision and deal with it in a right way.
Remember one saying.
Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.