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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you find this marriage weird?

104 replies

CoughLaughFart · 06/09/2018 19:51

So a colleague I don’t know that well announced her engagement today. I was chatting to her about it and asked how she met her fiancé. She sort of laughed and said ‘Well it’s a bit strange - he’s my stepsister’s half-brother!’

I was struggling to get my head around how it works at first, but basically her stepmother has a child from her first marriage whose father went on to have another child (the man she’s marrying) with someone else. There’s no direct family relationship between my colleague and her fiancé - they’re not even step-siblings - but it just seems such an odd dynamic! Would you find it weird?

OP posts:

smallchanceofrain · 06/09/2018 22:08

No, not weird. They're not blood relations and they didn't grow up together. They're no more related than I am to my DH - he's my aunt's ex-husband's ex-sister-in-law's stepson from her first marriage. We only found that out after we were married.

Dahlietta · 06/09/2018 22:12

No, I don't think it's weird either.

Enko · 06/09/2018 22:14

I get why you find it interesting op. Its quite a way to meet really.

My fathers sister was married to my mothers brother. When their 2 boys had children I used to say " biologically I became an aunt today" however in practice I am their cousin once removed

ButchyRestingFace · 06/09/2018 22:14

they’re not even step-siblings - but it just seems such an odd dynamic! Would you find it weird?

No. But then, I live in Fife.

TheWinterofOurDiscountTentsMk2 · 06/09/2018 22:16

How is it in any way an odd dynamic? They are not related at all. There is no dynamic.

StressedToTheMaxx · 06/09/2018 22:18

I don't think it's wrong but I do find it really interesting.

Her stepsister- once they marry- will also be her half sister in law.

NataliaOsipova · 06/09/2018 22:25

Wouldn't find it particularly odd - they aren't related and wouldn't even have been raised in the same family unit. Back in the mists of time, I went on a couple of dates with my cousin's wife's half brother. Didn't think any more of it than any other "friend of a friend" type situation.

starbrightlight · 06/09/2018 22:38

Nothing weird in any way, and I think it's a great start that they have so much in common family-wise already.

Original poster

CoughLaughFart · 06/09/2018 22:52

How is it in any way an odd dynamic? They are not related at all. There is no dynamic.

Because, depending on how close she is to her stepsister, they almost share a sibling. I don’t really believe you needed to ask that question.

OP posts:

Queenofthestress · 06/09/2018 23:00

My Nan married my grandad, then their brother & sister married a few months later, not weird at all

silvercuckoo · 06/09/2018 23:21

I find it a bit odd, but then I don't know a single heavily blended family without Gulfstream sized undercurrents.
For example, if a woman's husband has left her for OW, and, later, her son marries OW's daughter from a previous marriage, I can see some potential awkward moments at Christmas / weddings / births etc.
I once was asked, as a favour, to help with interpreting at one couple's prenatal appointment. They turned out to be double cousins, which the clinic even had no option for on their system. THAT is what I call weird.

FoxFoxSierra · 08/09/2018 04:16

I know someone who married his ex-SIL (brother's ex wife) so his nephew is also his stepson

Dollymixture22 · 08/09/2018 04:58

I actually think this is really nice. They are not related in any way. Met through family. Will make for an interesting family tree!!

BoomBoomsCousin · 08/09/2018 04:58

I think my first reaction is along the lines of "what a coincidence!" but a moments thought and I can totally see how that sort of thing could happen. They probably share quite a lot of social and cultural values and expectations which is a good foundation for liking someone and taking it further.

Monty27 · 08/09/2018 05:04

A close friend of mine lost her bf suddenly. In their early 50s. Her DD and his ds got together around the time of the funeral. They now have two DC's together.
What can you say? Nothing? They fell in love.

Skittlesandbeer · 08/09/2018 05:26

Weird is not a synonym for ‘quite interesting’ or ‘unusual’. It implies judgement, not the positive kind. Disapproval.

So yes, YABU to label someone weird. No one made you the arbiter of what can be considered ‘normal’ or desirable.

Maybe get out more. Or rephrase your AIBU, if you truly meant no disapproval and thought your colleague’s situation merely novel or interesting.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 08/09/2018 05:36

No. But then, I live in Fife

😂🤣😂🤣

Yes, I think it’s weird.

...and marrying your step brother is definitely weird, despite a previous poster saying it’s not. It is.

Billions of people in the world, marring someone already, even loosely, in the family, is weird.

Bahhhhhumbug · 08/09/2018 06:07

My step DGD has a half brother and sister at one parents house and a half brother at the others. Her parents split and both remarried and had more DC.
It's strange that her brother on one side isn't at all related to her brother and sister on the other. In fact her sister and her brotber from the other household could legally marry (or her two brothers for that matter depending what sexuality they all turn out to be) as they have no blood ties whatsoever but are merely linked through their mutual sister. That would seem weird though especially for my step DGD.
But in your example OP not weird at all as no blood tie and not even a blood link as in my familys case.

lovetherisingsun · 08/09/2018 06:38

Because, depending on how close she is to her stepsister, they almost share a sibling. I don’t really believe you needed to ask that question

They're not even close to "almost sharing a sibling" - what an odd thing to state.

You're getting very snippy with people innocently stating their opinion. Tbh, you don't sound all that nice, by your responses, but hey ho.

lovetherisingsun · 08/09/2018 06:40

There's nothing weird about it at all.

Hideandgo · 08/09/2018 06:44

My mums cousin is married to my dads cousin. They sat beside each other at their wedding. That’s how they met.

Secretsquirrel101 · 08/09/2018 06:47

I don’t think it’s weird, they’re not related.
What’s weird is a couple I know, who became stepsiblings when they were maybe 11 and 13, and had a baby together at 15 and 17. Maybe not weird actually, just sad.

InezGraves · 08/09/2018 06:58

Not weird. It’s just ‘two unrelated people meeting because of a family connection’.

Original poster

CoughLaughFart · 08/09/2018 08:41

*They're not even close to "almost sharing a sibling" - what an odd thing to state.

You're getting very snippy with people innocently stating their opinion. Tbh, you don't sound all that nice, by your responses, but hey ho.*

It’s not an odd thing to state at all. Admittedly, I don’t know the woman well enough to know her circumstances - she might have only seen her stepsister twice a year for all I know. But a lot of people are brought up in the same home as step-siblings and think of them as siblings.

I’m not sure what your issue is with me - the only person I can see being ‘snippy’ is you. The only people I’ve responded to are those acting like I’ve done something wrong for even asking the question. And I wouldn’t be making value judgements on who is and isn’t ‘nice’ in your shoes - you’re hardly coming across as Mary Poppins yourself.

OP posts:

smurfy2015 · 08/09/2018 08:51

A couple that lived local where I grew up, my dads friend was best man for the couple, the beginning of his speech was literally and this was way back early 80s so before all the signs of “pick a seat, not a side, we are all a family once the knot is tied”.

The speech was don’t pick a side line, “we are all related in many ways” some more than others, the couple were 1st cousins” and the others extended family and everyone else could be covered under 6 digresses of separation.

They had to get some paperwork from the Vatican. They were both Catholic originally but groom had to technically abandon the Catholic church and renounce it and I think he became Methodist, within 6m of the wedding he had returned to Catholic.

They had 2 children already at that point and were marrying for legal /child / and love - it also meant they got into the only option of schools for 20 miles which were Catholic ones

As she was 21 and he was 22 at the time and 25 plus years later they are still together so something was right for them

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