To think that life is just one shit storm after another?

[LEMtheoriginal]

Because i just seem to lurch from one crisis to the next. I watch my friends lurch from one crisis to the next. I watch people who seemingly have it together and i wonder what they are hiding?

It never fucking stops......i was fretting over my smear results (had thread on here) letter came, all normal, then i got a letter from my dr...oh actually there's something wrong after all i'm now busy worrying how my dd will cope without me.

It feels like i can't relax because if i allow myself that luxury then something will happen (and it invariably does) so i actively to pre empt disaster by imagining it and visualising worse case scenario because life is never as expected (trouble is i have been fairly accurate in my predictions in some cases)

It is shit isnt it? Its not just me is it!

It is your reaction to everything that needs to change, not the problems and events, as that is all part of life.

It is your expectation that life should be carefree and easy all of the time that could do with resetting.

Decide that you will not worry about anything unless you know for sure something is wrong, and even then in the worst case you will cope and manage.

Try and live in the moment. Don't think about the past, let the future take care of itself and spend more of your life in the here and now and I guarantee you will feel 100% better.

Embrace the shit storm so to speak

Deepsea i know you are right. There is so much presdure to be perfect.

We are in such a rut (dp and me) our house is practically falling down around our ears and we cant seem to break the cycle. I have a (much needed) day off today and i intended on attempting to clean one of our rooms but i cant get out of bed.

Whats the point? Ive probably got cancer but then msybe i should try and get syraight before the shit actually does hit the fan!

We've gone through periods where it felt like that, but looking back now, I can see periods where we muddled along nicely and had a decent time in between.

I think we are currently coming on a downward wave away from the last set of crises. Long term ones have settled, mostly. A short term one will take some energy for the next few weeks at least, but hopefully settle a little then.

We've got to the stage where the house is chaos but liveable in, and we have cleaners coming once a fortnight to help with that. We work on making sure there are clean clothes always. And that there is food on the table.

But I am always juggling the balls and trying to keep them all in the air. Some things have slipped - we went for a family hike last June for the first time in about 3 years, even though we quite like such outings, we were just too busy to take advantage of any fine days.

hugs that you will get answers, and hopefully they will be the right ones. In the meantime, just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and look at each thing on its own rather than trying to tackle everything at once. So if sleep is what you need today, you will have more energy this evening to tackle one extra job in that room for cleaning, but you will also feel so much better. And if you do 10 minutes in a room, but focused, you can get a lot done!

I had a letter like that. Wasn’t cancer. Is rarely rarely rarely cancer.

Have you tried looking at some counselling or mindfulness?

Stop catastrophising. Anxiety and worry are so physically and emotionally draining, it depletes energy. Get up, make a plan of what you want to achieve in the next 2 hours and set about doing it.

You cannot control what happens in life but you can control your reaction to it. Make steps to control your anxiety and set goals on what you want to achieve.

Don't be a slave to anxiety, it is not worth your time or attention.

I feel for you. I wish I had answers.

it's totally random though. I've had about 10 years of things being relatively stressfree - it does include 2 incidences of mum nearly dying but she bounced back fast, and it does also include about 4 months of me being unwell (worse that it sounds now because initially we were told I'd be ill a lot longer).

so bizarrely, looking back at that 10 years, things were good in spite of this. Sadly I'm back in the woods now with parental health, but that 10 years has been good - the ones prior were packed with stresses.

I was diagnosed with anxiety 20 years ago, so it makes it hard to tell sometimes if I'm angsting over stuff that other people would take more calmly.

I always say you can't turn your emotions on and off like a tap but you can figure out if there's anything that helps you calm down a bit. For me I have to work out every day and even then, with meds, times like now, my anxiety is very high.

sorry, that was probably more of an empathy post than anything helpful! I wish you all the best.

I mean, yeah it really can be. I’ve dealt with more shitstorms than I thought possible (by my early to mid twenties I’d developed a serious health condition, watched my mum die, gone bankrupt, become very sadly estranged from my brother and had my heart broken... and much more!) yet here I am now, thirty, largely happy and content and able to find enjoyment and peace in my life despite the ups and downs.

You can’t stop the shit from coming but you can learn to deal with it as effectively as possible. Your post makes me wonder if you might have generalised anxiety disorder. Have you ever been checked out for it? If you ring your local IAPT team you can self refer for an assessment and if they think it’d be useful you can be treated for GAD. If you’re finding your response to adverse life events (worrying, anxiety, depression) feels extreme or is making the problems even harder to cope with I’d definitely recommend going down that path.

The way you are thinking is not normal. Life is all about perception. I would write a longer post but have to run out the door in a few mins. Pleas look at this book "The Magic" by Rhonda Byrne, you can get it on kindle for a few pounds. Essentially the book is about concentrating on what you are thankful for. eg re the cancer scare - be thankful that you live in a country where screening is possible to catch a cancer early, where you have access to excellent cancer care, where if you do have cancer you have the best possible chance of beating it and getting better. You could have cancer in a third world country and would more than likely die from it with no chance of survival.
It sounds airy fairy but honestly with really works to change your mindset - catastrophising leads to crisis, positivity leads to a better life.
Good luck

Sorry I shouldn't have said normal what I really mean is its not healthy

You sound very much like me in the way you think OP, I have anxiety and depression and actually I think how you are feeling right now is an understandable reaction to bad news. I am starting to be able to cope with things a little better, but it has taken a lot of time and effort. You should probably go and talk to your GP to see if they can offer any support with your mental health following your news.

It does feel like that OP, when you have a run of troubles. But although it's natural to worry about your smear results, those are almost never massively serious to deal with.

It's a beautiful day - maybe it would be easier to get up and running if you give yourself a pass on the cleaning and just get out for a walk while it's still morning? Always lifts my spirits.

Read the rules of life by Richard Templar or don't sweat the small stuff by Richard Carlson

Yes it truly is. In my experience on the rare occasion that something nice happens something totally shit will happen afterwards to readdress the balance.
Actually more often the shit things happen on top of other shit things rather than anything nice happening first.
I’m waiting for a biopsy at the moment. It is stressing me out. I’d just started to feel better after two years of awful PND and anxiety.

Ah OP I really feel for you. Whilst I sort of agree with the advice above in terms of life in general, I think waiting for a medical result is really stressful and it's natural to worry.

I do agree with thinking positively BUT I'm not sure it's healthy to feel under pressure to be positive all the time.

I've had that feeling where you can't get out of bed. I think you should give yourself a special pass (due to worrying about results), sack off the tidying for today, make yourself get up, and go and do something relaxing like a long walk or a coffee somewhere. Good luck x

I have a long term GAD diagnosis and recently diagnosed with BPD. i am on escitalopram and it is helping. I was supposed to start group therapy in September but it appears ive slipped that particular bet again.

I have a scan on tuesday and i am more scared about my reaction to news than the news itself. All the what ifs....my biggest fear is the sonographer telling me to see my dr about the results rather than giving me them. Ive had scans last year and she told me results straight away but it was ok then. I know it wont be this time and although im coping , as im not in total meltdown (yet) i dont know if i can cope with anymore waiting.

Its such a selfish thing anxiety. It makes me into not a nice person and i hate that

I think an awful lot of it is how you deal with the shit stuff. To meet me you would think that i've lived a charmed, easy life. If you really knew me you'd know that i've been through some incredibly horrendous experiences.
I just focus on the positives as life is too short to dwell on the negatives.

BTW the sonographer won't tell you any news good or bad. They refer everything to your doctor so don't assume the worst if they do that.

I get comments from friends that I seem to have it all together. I stay quite calm when stuff happens. They don't understand it but want to be calm as well. You know why I'm calm? Because my previous shit was so much harder to deal with than hearing that I have a tumor in my neck for instance. If your biggest worry is a letter about a smear that might not even mean chemo then you don't have a bad life in my experience. In your exoerience it's a disaster apparantly.

I hope the news won't be too bad for you. You should go to the therapy, it will help you.

Blabla they have always given me the results there and then. Fingers crossed it is nothing too bad.

I was CIN3 before i breezed through the treatment and it was fine. I didnt bat an eyelid this is something different which is more worrying (for me) like you say.

Big girl pants

We've gone through periods where it felt like that, but looking back now, I can see periods where we muddled along nicely and had a decent time in between.

Same here - was few years of chronic illnesses, serious accidents, redundancies major money worries.

Our coping capacity was low - saving gone buying house, very young children and horrible neighbour but at same time there were things like DC we were enjoying.

I think you have to remember to be nice to yourself - get outside get some gentle exercise and if you need to rest - then do so the house work will be there as long as it's not so bad that it affects your health. All obvious thinsg I know but i found they helped. One tip Dm gave me - sort out one room swith DIY and tidyness and then sit in that room rather than try and do everything.

Plus might be worth going to GP again.

Op, regarding the smear test.

Mine came back abnormal and the doctor reffered me immediately to the colposcopy clinic. I was terrified.

I had cells lasered off, uncomfortable but afterwards I was fine. Now I just have the usual smears, nothing more came of it. It's very common to have abnormal smears.

Life can be tough, I have depression, OCD and an autistic child, so I know what you mean.

But currently we're on holiday and she's in the kids club, I'm relaxing.

Could you afford a holiday?

See Gp about anxity and possibly asking if they can be quicker getting back to you about test results as it's not helping your state of mind.

Namechange - we just got back off holiday (which was lovely) afyer i wouldn't book anything until the smear results. Then 3 weeks later a letter comes saying there are celks from my uterus on my cervix. I felt like it was my own fault for allowing myself to relax. Apparently this could be due to my mirena coil. But they want to scan as ive had erratic bleeding (except i haven't lately and was scaned for that in octber last year-stupid coil too low. I stupidly had another one which again is too lowbut apparently they arent worried about it now". The bleeding was my periods returning.

I am seriously considering asking my boss to spay me (vet nurse). If i wear a cat mask im sure he won't mind

But yes the holiday was lovely. I have a job that i love. Two beautiful Dd's (that are a constant source of worry) a fantastic dp but all i can focus on is that my womb might be broken and they missed it on the last scan .

Its me isnt it

My friends sonographer and I know they aren't supposed to...some will if you seem particularly anxious but don't worry too much if they don't.

OK. LISTEN. Get your arse out of bed, get dressed immediately, have a cup of tea. Stop wallowing. Clean your house, have lunch, take a walk out in the fresh air. Go back home and make a list about what is good in your life. ( You actually have a home, you have people in your life who love you,you have family etc etc ) You can get out of the mindset of doom and gloom , do things that make you happy. Fake it til you make it blah blah blah . BTW I'm saying this because I've been there at times and a friendship those things to me and they helped 🌸🌸🌸