To think that life is just one shit storm after another?

[LEMtheoriginal]

Because i just seem to lurch from one crisis to the next. I watch my friends lurch from one crisis to the next. I watch people who seemingly have it together and i wonder what they are hiding?

It never fucking stops......i was fretting over my smear results (had thread on here) letter came, all normal, then i got a letter from my dr...oh actually there's something wrong after all i'm now busy worrying how my dd will cope without me.

It feels like i can't relax because if i allow myself that luxury then something will happen (and it invariably does) so i actively to pre empt disaster by imagining it and visualising worse case scenario because life is never as expected (trouble is i have been fairly accurate in my predictions in some cases)

It is shit isnt it? Its not just me is it!

* said** those things.

I have had severe health anxiety all my life. A few years ago I became quite sick and had all the symptoms of a dread disease. I was consumed by my terror. Then I was diagnosed with it. I have it and it has significantly changed my life for the worse. But I am still here. My dreadful fear came true and I am coping. You will find you will cope with what comes.

is BPD Bipolar or Borderline? also, not sure what GAD is?

anyway, I hope things do improve.

I get your general point all too well

(though funnily enough quite perky this morning)

every now and then I start my "5 a day" gratitude diary, its sometimes surprising the good things. sometimes I even pray on this.

then life gets tumultuous, stressful again and I forget all about it.

of course, good things keep happening as well as bad, but sometimes we don't notice, esp when all geared up and stressed up about the bad.

anyway, i don't want to write anything trite. life can feel like its full of pain and struggle at times, sometimes for long periods .

Go back home and make a list about what is good in your life.

When we had issues with neigbour or town or people there - we used to vent to each other then one of us would start the list of all the good things that brought us there - it often surprsingly helped.

It sounds like you have anxiety and are catastrophising.

Abnormal smears - yes it could be cancer but is unlikely to be. It is incredibly common to get an abnormal result for all sorts of reasons, and is very straightforward to have the cells removed. I've had it done myself.

Agree about the shit storms that I no longer imagine anything further than a week and those are just about necessary appointments.

I no longer think this has been shittest or tramantic month, year or whatever as when I think nothing can top it, it does

It has become about today, day by day.

I know it’s easier than said when you not the person with anxiety but worrying about the what ifs and thinking worst wont change anything.

If results are ok you would of worried yourself for no reason, if they not, your worrying won’t have prepared you either because you won’t know all information ie plan of action. (I know easier to say when u not one with anxiety)

I’m very emotional person and can be tough as old boots at times I still get caught off guard randomly with good and bad news no amount of worrying or preparing helps.

Re the house, I agree with above poster setting goals for next 2hrs. I’ve been doing this with a relative their goals originally was list that just reminded them what they haven’t achieved ie lose weight, past test, because they was so far ahead so we broke them down into smaller steps, getting up and dressed & just going out for a walk (they didn’t see point if wasn’t leaving house) no matter how small these was achievements tick of list.

If I come across like patronising dickhead I don’t mean too explaining in words is not my strongest point

Ok ok im getting up

Will report back layer with progress

Try not to worry about the smear thing, it's usually nothing. I had it and had further tests and zero wrong, few people I know had a few cells lasered off and fine. I worried myself sick at the time, it was all o could think about but it was pointless. What will be will be but remember it's usually nothing.

I've found it goes in cycles. We've had periods of years when e erything trundles along nicely then something happens and it seems to start an avalanche. The year 2015 was annus horribilis for us but - touch wood - it then settled down. As Shakespeare noted "troubles come not as single spies, but in battalions".

I hope very much your worries about your health are unfounded. 💐

It's interesting for me that you posted this today because I was speaking to a friend last night about my adult son who is currently going through some hard times. What is stressing me about it, is he is exactly like this. Always looking at the worst case scenario, catastrophising everything and it's doing my head in! lol. Any setback and that's it, his life is over! And I actually said to my friend, life is full of shit storms (I actually used that phrase too) and if he's always going to react like this he's going to be miserable.

Bottom line is, yes life is full of shit storms I'm afraid! I think there may be a lucky few who seem to just glide through but for most of us it is one problem after another to a degree. But there are good times too and if you spend those worrying about the next bad time then you will never be happy. I used to be like that so I can understand.

For me now, each day is just that. It's a day and I don't think about what's coming tomorrow or next week or year. If I wake up and things are good that day then I just enjoy it. I know another problem will come. It's inevitable. But me worrying about it now won't stop it happening. It's been hard to get into this mindset but I am so much happier and content now. It's really worth working at.

We've had some huge shit storms. We look back and laugh at some of the years we've had, as it was just one thing after another, and at the time it felt horrific. But we got through them.

At the moment we're going through something pretty stressful, so that means everything little that happens seems massive. Then you just feel like everything is going wrong.

It takes a good supportive DH (would be lost without him right now) and a good head to keep thinking about the positive things. Also, to really look at what it wrong. To be more pragmatic about what you can and can't control.

I had a smear test letter like that, it was nothing in the end. I hope yours will be the same.

Take a step back. Write down what's going on in your life that's bugging you. What can you change about any of it? What can't you change? How bad is it really?

We always look about and think we're the only ones in the shit storms, but I very much doubt it. In fact, I know we're not anyway near in the worst categories.

Just joined mumsnet today and reading my first post of a Mum getting torn to shreds for asking a question nearly put me off from joining.
So lovely to read some lovely, helpful comments to this lady.
We all have times in our lives when things aren’t going so well, and just need a kind word or action from someone to acknowledge our pain.
Some good advice given. Sending best wishes to you.

My friends sonographer and I know they aren't supposed to...some will if you seem particularly anxious but don't worry too much if they don't

Please stop giving incorrect information.

It can depend upon the policy of the Trust or, sometimes, a sonographer has autonomy to decide. I've had a few scans where I was told there and then it was clear. Other people have had the "all clear" sent to their GPs. My sister had what was found on her scan explained to her then and there.

No need to get arsey. I was trying to put the OP at ease by telling her that no news at the scan isn't necessarily bad news.

I get comments from friends that I seem to have it all together. I stay quite calm when stuff happens. They don't understand it but want to be calm as well. You know why I'm calm? Because my previous shit was so much harder to deal with than hearing that I have a tumor in my neck for instance. If your biggest worry is a letter about a smear that might not even mean chemo then you don't have a bad life in my experience. In your exoerience it's a disaster apparantly.

This is so true. Some might say it’s harsh but it’s true and sometimes it’s better to speak the truth than pussyfoot around.

I totally get this too: friends also see me as calm and able to deal with anything, and they’re not wrong. I think it’s because I’ve already dealt with so much it’s made me feel kinda bulletproof. I now feel like whatever bad stuff happens I can cope with it. When my dad (who has COPD) had his lung collapse twice and nearly died, I dealt with it fine and didn’t miss Work (I mean, I assume most people wouldn’t for that but still) as I couldn’t get to be with him anyway and I stayed calm to be there for him. Because I’ve already faced hell and seen my mum die and I knew I coped and made it through eventually, so I’m not scared anymore. In contrast I had a friend who had two weeks off work for ‘stress’ because her grandma had fallen and sprained her wrist! And I don’t think she was just using it for some time off either, it actually caused her so much stress and upset and anxiety she literally went off sick from a grandparent hurting their wrist. You couldn’t make it up.

Difficult experiences show you what you’re capable of. Toughen up OP. Big girl pants on and face the day! Like the post I quoted, if this is enough to send you spinning you need help. The way you’re thinking is not healthy and it can be changed.

Im not being arsey You wrote BTW the sonographer won't tell you any news good or bad

Not true.

So i got up and managed to clear our front/spare room. All i need now is Dp to get rid of the broken running machine that hes never going to fix and ive got my study back!

I didn't use to be like this - i do need to toughen up!

Thank you everyone who posted. Please don't argue i know that people are just trying to reassure me. Hopefully by this time next week I'll have good news or at least a treatment plan.

See today wasn't so bad after all ! Repeat tomorrow. Keep us posted. Take care.

It seems to be the way for my life...it sucks!!!

Missing the point there @iva and still sounding arsey.

Okay...some sonographers won't tell you the results there and then. Try not to worry if you get told your results will be sent to you GP ( as has been my experience in 2 different NHS trusts and is what my sonographer friend does in an another trust)

Sounds like you achieved a lot today LEM, that's great.

I just was hoping you managed to at least get out of bed. Well done on clearing front and spare room.

Running machine is that one of those things that multi use as in turns into clothes dumping ground 😂. If u got local scrap man or ask on local fb group for one they might take it, or depending on neighbourhood put it outside and it be gone by morning

Yanbu.

Hit the wall again - really struggling and worried they are going to find something bad on my scan on tuesday. Work is going to be shit tomorrow as well.

I just wanted to offer a hand hold, I have anxiety issues that were so much better when I was on citolapram, but I'm too anxious to go back on medication.

I'm sorry you're feeling like this, I hope you get good news from your scan. Is it maybe worth seeing a gp tomorrow to talk things through? It might reduce your anxieties even if the worst happens?

Is work a problem or is it just a general Monday thing? I'm worried about work tomorrow despite there being nothing I can do about it, and it's always seems worse than the reality of it. I think you'll find everything easier to cope with once you've had your results.

In response to your original question - yes, my life is one shit storm after another. Luckily (and I know I'm lucky) things have always fixed in the end, but I just wish my family and I could be care free just to experience it. I doubt my own judgement and response with everything now and I never seem to make things better, only worse.