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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Locked out

61 replies

Sparklfairy · 05/09/2018 23:01

Currently trying to sleep in my car as my dm has locked me out. I only went to get cigarettes. Sat outside in tears for over five hours freezing my tits off before she finally let me in the car. Now she won't even let me in/get me some clothes so I can leave. Literally have the clothes on my back. Not even any make up or a hairbrush Sad

OP posts:
Lockheart · 05/09/2018 23:44

You’re in your car - could you drive to a nearby town or to a friends? Assuming you haven’t had a drink of course.

TheBigFatMermaid · 05/09/2018 23:49

Where are you?

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 05/09/2018 23:51

I am on spare room actively looking! I have no friends, id just be driving to sleep somewhere else in my car Sad

OP posts:
recklessruby · 05/09/2018 23:56

You poor thing. I don't get it. My ds is 30 and moved back home last Dec. It's fine.
Why has your mum put you in danger? I would go to 24 hour supermarket if one is near for the loo or a petrol station. Get some fluffy blankets and try to rest.
Or if you're brave just keep banging on the door

Lockheart · 06/09/2018 00:01

Where are you exactly? It’s likely you’re within an hours drive of at least one town or city. It might be a pain to get to but at least you’d be able to find something that’s open 24 hours, or find a hotel?

If you truly can’t get to a town or city then I’d try the police again and explain that you’ve been locked out with nowhere to sleep. Where’s your nearest police station / fire station?

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 06/09/2018 00:01

It's raining and she'll ignore me anyway. I'm still cold so might go to the 24 supermarket

OP posts:
Heratnumber7 · 06/09/2018 01:56

Can't you drive to a hotel or B&B?

Where are you? Maybe someone on here could offer you a bed for the night.

Heratnumber7 · 06/09/2018 01:58

And can you find yourself somewhere else to live? You'd need a job first I suppose.

notangelinajolie · 06/09/2018 02:03

Go and live somewhere else. In the meantime book yourself into a hotel.

inquiquotiokixul · 06/09/2018 07:55

I do hope that no posts since midnight means you managed to get some sleep.

Now practicalities. You are homeless. Your mother's house is not your home with the events of last night being possible.

As a single person without a child you won't be a very high priority for housing - it will be worth finding out what the situation is locally as each area will be different.

Chances are that the best you can hope for is assistance to get yourself a room in a shared private rental house. If there are barriers to achieving that then the council, or shelter or other homeless charities may be able to help. Don't set your sights too high. Obviously a nice 1-bed flat in a good area would be nicer. That can be your aspiration for the next step after this. For now you just need something secure enough to live and buckle down to focus on work to earn the money you need to be able to get something nicer.

Good luck.

Ginorchoc · 06/09/2018 07:58

Sounds toxic, she is abusive you’re a drinker. Probably bad as each other.

tinstar · 06/09/2018 07:59

Ginorchoc - nice Hmm

beeefcake · 06/09/2018 08:07

Hope you got some sleep OP xxx

serbska · 06/09/2018 08:09

Get yourself a room in a shared house.

It sounds shut all round. An alcoholic and an abusive mother. Mess mess mess.

diddl · 06/09/2018 08:21

Do you only drink when staying with your mum?

You must have been desperate for somewhere to go if an abusive mother seeed like an option.

I'm not sure if police would do much if Op hasn't been locked out of her own home/isn't a vulnerable adult?

Phosphorus · 06/09/2018 08:55

To be fair to your mother, living with a drinker can be impossible.

How many times have people on here advised posters to kick the addict out?

If it isn't your house, you need to abide by the no drinking rule, or leave. Has your mother asked you to leave before?

recklessruby · 06/09/2018 09:04

I think OP drinks because of her problems with abusive mother and poor living situation.
She hasn't said she's actually an alcoholic has she?
OP I hope you were safe last night and can get something sorted today.

inquiquotiokixul · 06/09/2018 09:47

OP said she hadn't been drinking yesterday. I did wonder whether unpleasant alcoholism was the unspoken back story but the OP describes not having been drinking and just going out to buy cigarettes. However, whether or not the mum is justified in not wanting the OP living there is mainly irrelevant at this point.

OP you will need to learn better coping mechanisms for stress rather than drinking at some point - even if alcoholism isn't an issue. However that's not the biggest issue at the moment unless drinking is likely to jeopardise your ability to maintain cordial positive relationships in a house-share situation or prevent you from saving to get a better housing situation in the longer term.

Goth237 · 06/09/2018 10:51

I'm sorry that your mother is abusive, there's no excuse for that. But I would be fed up having my 30 year old daughter living with me, not working and drinking/smoking her money away when she could be using it to save/support herself. You need to sort yourself up- get a job and move out and start acting like an adult. Then she won't be able to be abusive.

Goth237 · 06/09/2018 10:52

*sort yourself out

SneakyGremlins · 06/09/2018 10:55

Erm, Goth, the OP does work.

xJessica · 06/09/2018 12:20

Hope you get sorted today but if that happened again (I hope it won't), your local council should have an on call person for situations like this any may have been able to book you into a B and B or direct you to a hostel if no B and B available and then sort you out with something after you'd gone into the office for an assessment. My DH does this for a living.

tinstar · 06/09/2018 12:28

Until you sort out alternative accommodation op, you need to have a plan in place for when this happens.

Make sure you never leave the house without house keys and car keys. And keep a bit of cash/ a credit card in your glove compartment so you can pay for somewhere to stay if necessary. Maybe keep an old duvet in your boot, some food etc.

And above all, find somewhere else to stay.

Sunnyday1203 · 06/09/2018 14:00

I agree with others, time to find your own place OP. My mother did this to me when I was 15, locked me out all night mid winter and no where to do, I actually thought I was going freeze to death and still remember it now and I am in my 50's. I left home @ 16 so this could never happen again.

tinstar · 06/09/2018 14:46

Sunnyday - what a terrible thing to do Thanks

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