To have a bridal party "shake up"?

[sirmione16]

So I got engaged in 2016 and my closest friends at the time were told who my bridesmaids would be, so it's been set since then and they all said yes etc...

However.. since that time my jobs changed, I've moved cities and generally my relationship with 2 out of the 5 has changed hugely - I spoke to one of them once in the last year, I don't think she's even aware I'm pregnant for example as she hasn't responded to my text (not unusual, she's rubbish on her phone) We've simply drifted, as you do in life.

I just can't help but feel if I were to choose now, I'd feel differently and not pick two of the five I originally did. I feel also like it will just be awkward in the close lead up to the wedding and the day... I've also now made a close friend over this year who I would probably choose too but I simply can't afford to add her in (this is fine, it's just a bit sad I feel I'd have her over one of the others) on the other hand, I'm finding it mind-bogglingly rude to be like "sorry you don't cut it anymore"

Please be sensitive, as this isn't cruel in any way - I'm not about to "axe" them, I'm not a bridezilla... in fact, right now I've not approached this as I think well you made your decisions, your fault for telling people so early on - deal with it. And I will.

I just want to hear some other opinions and what you'd do in this situation.. thanks in advance

So what do I do?

It would be rude to retract the invitation to be bridesmaids. Can you not add one extra dress in for your new friend? In the grand scheme of wedding expenses I can't see why that would make too much difference. Or let them know what colour you want them in and they can all buy their own dresses, something they'll wear again.

Alternatively if the sister bridesmaids are your own sisters just bin all the others off and tell them you decided on family only.

@notasunnybunny Interested in legal reasons? We married with one child and one small baby and apart from reregistering/changing their names there has been no other legal stuff to consider. They give you the forms when baby’s born to reregister both and it’s a matter of minutes 🤔 much easier and cheaper than two weddings!

To poster -
I’ve had this from both situations, during my wedding the bridesmaid I wanted to drop actually asked to be relieved of it which I must admit was a huge relief for me then not having to ask and we actually didn’t ask them to the wedding at all in the end.
Twice I’ve been asked to be bridesmaid for friends and then it’s been a couple of years and we’ve drifted apart.
1/ I was the bridesmaid and did everything possible to make it lovely for her but we just weren’t as close and although the lead up etc was fine I’d have been happy to have been axed. We haven’t spoken since the wedding two years ago (no fall out just don’t cross paths, lack of replies etc)
2/ There wasn’t an explanation or anything she just changed her bridal party, we actually weren’t invited to the wedding. Not offended in the slightest we’d drifted apart and we’d both got closer friends by then. I could still happily contact her whenever and things would be normal.

I personally think speak to them, they may actually be relieved. I wouldn’t ask a new friend though as friendships aren’t really totally cement for a number of years, and even then can drift. Just ask her to be there with you when you’re getting ready etc. Is your new friend pregnant and due the same time? Otherwise tbh that will totally change the nature of your friendship once baby arrives anyway.

I also think you need to do what’s right for you. Do you really want to look at your wedding pictures and have 2 people you’re not close with anymore in the majority of them? Be kind and honest but definitely tell them due to circumstances you’ve had Lyon scale back the wedding party. And with your new friend ask her to do a reading instead of being a bridesmaid, that way she’s still involved in the wedding xx

I agree younshouls scale back as necessary but in a few years you will look back at your wedding pics and many people will be former friends or relatives you barely recognise.

As ever the best way I’d honesty. Your engagement has been long- perhaps a lesson to those planning a long engagement to hold back on appointing their bridesmaids. Remember that being a bridesmaid can be a joy but also a curse if not desired. ( I was once asked and declined by my now SIL and never was I more pleased and relieved when I saw the dress I would have worn. I was post baby no 2 size 12-14’, the others were petite Japanese girls size 6. The dresses were circa Ladybird books party frocks 1950).

I say this by way of making the (slow) point that not everyone wants to be a bridesmaid. It’s actually a big and expensive commitment and both parties shoybe free to opt out.