How to fit everything in

[strugglingpuggle]

Can someone please let me know how on earth they manage to fit everything not a week without finding an extra day somewhere. I am struggling. I somehow need/want to find time to do all the below but always seem to fail somewhere:

Work full time with a 30 minute commute each way. Normal office hours.
Have a clean and tidy house.
To get to the gym once or twice a week
Actually spend time with DD (2 years old)
Spend time with dh (works shifts pretty much opposite to my office hours job!)
See family at least once a week (2 x sets of grandparents, one of which make excuses not to come to ours so we have to go to theirs)
See friends so we have some sort of social life
Usual life admin
Food shopping (do this online but seem to struggle to find time to actually order it)

I realise I am very lucky in a lot of aspects but I am seriously struggling fitting everything in! When I prioritise spending time with Dd, I get dh moaning he doesn't get enough attention, and then when I try and spend time with him the daily housework gets neglected and ends up piling up! And then he ends up back on night shifts and never see him anyway!

IMO the hard part to fit in there is seeing family and friends. If you want to see both sets of grandparents and at least one friend, then that's 3 things to fit in. If you cut down family visits to once a fortnight (alternate) and had friends over to yours one night when DD is in bed (or DH is at home to watch her) it would instantly be more doable.

Have a clean and tidy house. - get a cleaner if possible or else do one task a day
To get to the gym once or twice a week - not likely. Can you incorporate walking into your routine or do fitness blender YouTube videos or the like at home?
See family at least once a week (2 x sets of grandparents, one of which make excuses not to come to ours so we have to go to theirs) - they come to yours where possible, if they make excuses they miss out
See friends so we have some sort of social life - good luck!
Usual life admin - dedicate 15 mins a day and b strict
Food shopping (do this online but seem to struggle to find time to actually order it) - ditto
Does your partner help at all?

I work FT, probably excessive hours (rather than normal office hours), I have 2 DS (teenagers) and OH. I also travel overseas for work a lot.
I let the house slide, get a cleaner in when I can, use a service wash for bedding if I have to, I certainly couldn't visit grandparents/have them over once a week - more like once every 6 weeks. Rarely see friends, especially in the week, maybe a Saturday evening once a month spent with friends. I do life admin on the train during my commute (1 hr 20 mins each way). I find it hard and so does my OH (who really pulls his weight).

I use the Ocado app and have a regular slot and a standard weekly shop that I just edit each week. I just set up a reminder in my iPhone calendar to remind me to edit.

I have a cleaner.

And I’ve got no chance seeing family and friends weekly! Admittedly my family are a 2+ hours drive away but my friends are local, mostly mums, and we manage once a month if we are lucky!!

What is this "life admin" that so many people go on about? Is it really a weekly or even monthly thing?

Re seeing family more than twice a week - unless they are infirm, why won't they come to you? Knock that back to once a week. (I would go for every other week)

Pay for a cleaner if you can afford to.

It is doable! Certainly with one child and two parents in the family.
Best thing to do was to take a good look at how you are spending your time and see how it could be managed better. Make sure your partner is helping too.
One person on child management and the other on cleaning and household admin!

I would love a cleaner, unfortunately we brought a new house recently and have stretched ourselves a bit more than we intended so not do-able at the moment.

Would love to incorporate walking/exercise into my day, but it's a 30 minute drive followed by a 10 minute bus ride to the office. Do sometimes walk the bus part but it just adds extra time I have to stay at the end of the day (probably a really lame excuse!)

Life admin = booking doctors / dentist appointments, checking bank accounts to ensure everything is paid/will be paid, insurance renewals etc

Google "The organised mum method"
Great system for minimising housework.

Do you have a partner? Does he pull his weight? If you're both working full time then housework/childcare/life admin should be split 50/50.

Organise life so that gym/ friends takes place after toddler is in bed- could you and DP take turns to go to the gym when your child is in bed, and on his night, you have a friend round for a glass of wine? I'd do shopping and visit grandparents on one day at the weekend, so you keep one day free for yourselves. (This saves my sanity!)
If you do the organised mum method you shouldn't have much housework at the weekend.

Do your online food shop & life admin during lunch hour at work each Monday: an hour lunch will only be 20mins or so less if you do that. What is life admin BTW, I pay everything direct debit & even GP/school do online appts now.

House: declutter and get a cleaner.
Gym: have a dedicated evening once a week where you go to the gym and DH does pick-up/looks after DD till you get home. Make going twice an ideal goal, but not a non-negotiable one.
Time with DD: just do it. It's more important than most things.
Time with DH: can you have lunch with him sometimes if you work so close by? Spend one-on-one time with him after DD is in bed, plus family time at weekends. Can grandparents occasionally look after DD while you two go out for lunch or a film?
See family once a week: this seems like an unrealistic target unless it slots seamlessly into your lives. Can you compromise by sometimes dropping off DD to see them while you and DH have some time by yourselves/go and get jobs done? Otherwise I'd be scaling back their expectations a bit.
See friends: can you do family-friendly things together so that DD and their DC can come too? Then the odd evening of babysitting so that you and DH can get some adult social life - or host dinners at your house (more work but less need for babysitters!)
Usual life admin: little and often. Keep a to-do list and concentrate on getting the essentials done. Other things can be pushed back.
Food shopping: download the supermarket app on to your phone and add things to the list as and when you finish them off. Use your commute or other "dead time" to review it and place the order if possible.

Honestly I don’t even think half the stuff on your list is possible with a two year old and working full time. I don’t manage most of that now and I am part time and my children are older. I would massively lower your ambitions for life with a young child .

Op - I am honestly not not picking with you but I see this on mn so often re life admin.
Dentist/opticians - don't they just text or send an email when your next apt is due? Plus it is only twice a year.
Doctors - unless you all have illnesses (if you do I am sorry) then what is needed?
Insurances - again aren't they annual things?

The housework and social life thing I totally understand. I work full time and am a single mum to 4 DC. I find (boring as it sounds) tidying as you go. That includes your dh and your DC! At least a washing machine load a day, get a dishwasher if you don't have one, lower your standards, forget about bathing DC every night, get up half an hour earlier than everyone else during the week (that one is my favourite)

What does your dh suggest? Do you have a support network? (not everyone does, mine is dwindling due to, well, life)

If your DC is 2 maybe accept that your social life has to take place at home for a few more years? Make a pact that once a month you will go out? (Or every few months depending on what support you have)

I can't afford a cleaner either, but every couple of weeks I put some music on and pretend I am the cleaner a great tip I read here on mn. I go hell for leather for 2/3 hours pretending it isn't my house and then, depending on my finances, I "pay" myself. Might sound ridiculous but it really works!

Could grandparents collect DD once each a week from nursery so you go to the gym and then you eat/visit then?

Anyonewhoknows

Can you genuinely not conceive of what “life admin” might entail or are you just trying to make yourself look more competent than others?

Here’s my life admin list at the moment:

Research and purchase new shower door
Find someone to fix shower door requiring getting a few quotes
Jewellery and shoe repairs
Order flea treatment for dog
Renew travel insurance
Renew toddler classes for toddler
Sew name labels on toddler clothes
Request repeat prescriptions from GP
Purchase cards and gifts for upcoming birthdays, retirements, new babies
Book haircuts for everyone
Replace some clothing that is damaged or outgrown
Take pile of stuff to charity
Return library books
Reassess utility company I use
Finish booking holiday
Plan DS’s birthday party
Book dentist appt
Replace several lightbulbs
Reply to emails from various friends and relatives
Bath dog and trim his hair
Put some unwanted stuff on eBay
Purchase/forage things for toddler’s nursery project
Disinfect washing machine
Research a couple of large ticket items we need to buy
Update will
Check credit card and bank statements

Etc etc

With 4 kids I imagine your life admin list would be a lot longer than mine.

Life admin is so time consuming and I am baffled by people thinking it is not a thing.

Even making a dentist appointment requires looking at the diary, finding a day we are free, checking no clashes with school or other events, phoning up (often multiple times as they are busy and don’t answer the phone) to make the appointment. Let alone then the time to actually go to appointment with DC. My car needs its MOT soon so that meant finding last MOT cert to confirm when it was due, making the appointment and then the actual task of taking it in.

Birthdays, Christmas will be coming up, need to organise a party for one of my DCs, sewing on Brownie badges etc. It is constant!

We have a dodgy radiator so I need to get a plumber but have already had one person look who supposedly fixed it so now need to find a different plumber and try to get them to one and look. More checking of shift patterns etc so see when we are free for someone to come round. Etc.

Exactly Millie. All that stuff takes hours and hours of time.

I don't have kids so forget that one but I also work full time and fit everything in by doing the following:

• getting up at 5

I would love to say that I have a supportive dh but unfortunately I don't. I have come home tonight to him moaning about how all the cupboards are a mess, him moaning about how I don't do anything around the house, how everything I does is wrong (ie not how he would do it) then sulking in the kitchen because I had forgotten to pour some milk away which is out of date.

This is after a stressful day at work and also on the day my mum has gone into hospital to have an operation to remove a breast cancer lump!

Oh OP that's shit. Is your H always that unsupportive?
When I posted about life admin I didn't mean that I thought I was more efficient than anyone else. I probably just have lower standards!
I saw my mum kill herself (literally, though obviously other issues too) when I was a teenager due to her constantly not feeling good enough. Its probably why I don't sweat the small stuff (or even slightly bigger stuff) so much.

I"m sorry to hear about your mum. I don't have much advice that wouldn't sound really trivial after your update.

Can you talk to your H?

What I mean is, is your H normally like this or is this a one off?

would love to say that I have a supportive dh but unfortunately I don't

This is why you dont have time to do everything OP. The house should be a joint effort, he needs to up his game.

Got to be honest and say my life is a lot more organised as a single parent than it ever was in a marriage with someone who didn't pull their weight.

I have come home tonight to him moaning about how all the cupboards are a mess, him moaning about how I don't do anything around the house, how everything I does is wrong (ie not how he would do it) then sulking in the kitchen because I had forgotten to pour some milk away which is out of date

I don't mean this nastily, as I know sometimes it is impossible to see wood for the trees when you are in the middle of it, but who died and made him king of the world? Tell him to do it himself!

We've had our moments since we arrives but we have both (well I have) been making a massive effort with things and have been going to marriage counselling.

He has issues with things not being done the way he would like them. In his eyes there isn't two ways of doing something, there is his way which is right, or anyone else's which is wrong. Guess it doesn't help the mental load side of things.

But that's easy then. He does them if his way is right

Come on OP, get the bugger told.