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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to not want to show people my bedroom?

43 replies

FannyOutOfTheFarawayTree · 05/09/2018 13:42

We’ve bought our first house. Family and friends are happy for us etc. They’ve wanted to be shown round and I’ve shown them the other rooms but not my room.

I feel my room is my private sanctuary. Ds is now 15 so not so much of an issue of dc wanting to be in our room. However it feels a bit precious to say ‘oh my room is my sanctuary don’t come in’.

So far I’ve fobbed people off saying it’s still full of boxes but I don’t know long term what to do?

Aibu?
If not how do I tell people diplomatically to stay out of my room without sounding like a petulant teen.

OP posts:

bakingdemon · 05/09/2018 15:20

I'm the same. Unless they're super super close friends, I just wave vaguely at the stairs and say "oh and our bedroom is up in the loft, shall we go and have another cup of tea?"

theunsure · 05/09/2018 15:22

I've just bought a new house - I love showing people around!
They all get the full tour whether they like it or not :)

How does showing someone around make it less private? You aren't inviting them in to sit on the bed and rummage through your knicker drawer.

I have visited lots of friends and family over the years in their respective new homes and I've always been shown all of the rooms. If they didn't want to show me a particular room I'd not push it or ask (but secretly think they were a mentalist).

fleshmarketclose · 05/09/2018 15:53

Put a lock on the door, save some S&M dungeon style boudoir photos on your phone. Tell them it's not finished yet but show them the photos and tell them its having finishing touches made. They won't ask to see it again

Bluntness100 · 05/09/2018 16:01

Kate nothing wrong with being in the minority, but personally I've never taken my extended family and all my mates round when viewing a house. How does that go down with the sellers? If you were buying from me I'm not sure I'd permit it.

Anyone I know who has bought a new house, I've also been given the tour, and when we stay with friends or family no one is banned from upstairs or bedrooms. These are people I love, trust, like, care for who are welcome in my home. I can't imagine them being not allowed upstairs in my home, but having ten or fifteen people traipsing round viewing with me.

keyboardkate · 05/09/2018 16:20

Bluntness,

Never had a problem bringing a family member around to view with us. One of the biggest financial committments we will ever make involves a lot more than one or two viewings! It is at that stage that the involvement and opinion of others is so important, as I have learned!

I wasn't talking about bringing around all and sundry, just (as you say) those we trust to give an unbiased view.

I don't really care now. I have no problem with crowds massing around downstairs, but I have a bit of an issue with them viewing all the bedrooms. Just me and my neurosis possibly! Family members excepted. But some people are just nosy for the sake of it.

No offence intended.

Loonoon · 05/09/2018 16:23

Not unreasonable but a little odd maybe. I can’t see that someone looking in your room during a house tour will reduce its sanctuary like ambience later in the day. But it’s your house so your decision.

keyboardkate · 05/09/2018 16:29

OK I will fess up.

I hate having to make sure all the bedrooms look like an hotel for the nosey parkers. We live and let live, but when folk are nosing around it has to be perfect. I don't have the energy for that.

Some will say I shouldn't care, but honestly we do care about how others view us and our mess. LOL.

So get out of here, you are not looking into our bedrooms got that!

Bluntness100 · 05/09/2018 16:31

Oh gosh, i think just different perspectives, sorry when you said anyone who mattered saw it at viewing stage I assumed you meant all your close friends and family.

Clearly I wouldn't show loose acquaintances round, but friends, family, our daughters friends are welcome to go where they please. No one goes wandering for fun or nosiness, no one would go in without reason, but if they need something I generally just say to go get it out my bedroom. The door is always open if we aren't in it. They can also see in if they walk past it.

My own friends know this and just go get what they need, for example one friend dries her hair in there. She doesn't ask any more, because after a while that becomes pointless. Another friends dog likes to get into my bed, lie on her back with her paws in the air, and she often has to go get the dog, 🤣

My bedroom is only private when I or my husband are in it, and I trust the people mentioned not to go through my drawers. Just like I trust they won't go through my handbag because it's sitting in thr living room. The dog is a different story though...

Past that I don't see the bedroom as anything other than any other room, just different furniture.

SlartiAardvark · 05/09/2018 16:34

I think you're overestimating people's interest in your home.

This....

keyboardkate · 05/09/2018 16:37

Bluntness,

No problem, I didn't take any offence at all.

We are all different, and if we were all "Stepford" like, this discussion site would never exist!

Enjoyed the banter anyway, just goes to show how everyone has differing views on EVERYTHING! That's good.

SerenDippitty · 05/09/2018 16:45

*OK I will fess up.

I hate having to make sure all the bedrooms look like an hotel for the nosey parkers. We live and let live, but when folk are nosing around it has to be perfect. I don't have the energy for that.

Some will say I shouldn't care, but honestly we do care about how others view us and our mess. LOL.

So get out of here, you are not looking into our bedrooms got that!*

This a gazillion times.

Bluntness100 · 05/09/2018 16:58

We are all different, and if we were all "Stepford" like, this discussion site would never exist!

Well if you've moved to insinuating I or anyone else who doesn't mind friends or family seeing our bedroom is some sort of stepford wife, I'd not take offence, I'd laugh. As would anyone who knows me at the mere thought of it. I'm not getting the correlation though.

Or are you saying rhe steoford wives are the ones who view their bedrooms as private. Sorry I genuinely don't understand.

Bluntness100 · 05/09/2018 17:02

Oh do you mean stepford as in if we are all the ssame 🤣

Sorry told you. I didn't get it!

Westworldmaeve · 05/09/2018 17:05

"behind this door is our bedroom. I'll skip showing it because I haven't folded our underwear and stuff away yet".

keyboardkate · 05/09/2018 17:16

I meant Stepford in a general way, not about this thread. If we were all in agreement on any topic this place would not exist!

serbska · 05/09/2018 17:22

Oh I love a tour around people houses and flats! I love property. Big and small. Posh and not. All styles.

kitkatsky · 05/09/2018 18:02

Hehe YANBU to want to keep it private, but my auntie does this and there's a family joke that she has a sex dungeon in there, so you might get similar if your family anything like my lot

Bluntness100 · 05/09/2018 18:33

I think if you live messy and your bedroom is a shit hole, I can see why you wouldn't want people to see it, due to embarassment. But if you're clean and tidy I just don't get what is so private ?

For me it's a made bed with clean linen, a wardrobe, a laundry basket, an ottoman, a couple of bed side tables with lights and alarm clocks on, a rug, a chest of drawers with hair stuff and some perfume on it. A couple of mirrors, Nothing more nothing less.🤷‍♀️

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