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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to not want to show people my bedroom?

43 replies

FannyOutOfTheFarawayTree · 05/09/2018 13:42

We’ve bought our first house. Family and friends are happy for us etc. They’ve wanted to be shown round and I’ve shown them the other rooms but not my room.

I feel my room is my private sanctuary. Ds is now 15 so not so much of an issue of dc wanting to be in our room. However it feels a bit precious to say ‘oh my room is my sanctuary don’t come in’.

So far I’ve fobbed people off saying it’s still full of boxes but I don’t know long term what to do?

Aibu?
If not how do I tell people diplomatically to stay out of my room without sounding like a petulant teen.

OP posts:

GummyGoddess · 05/09/2018 13:45

Just say it's private. I don't care if I sound like a 'petulant teen' as you put it. My mum kept showing up with random people and trying to take them on a tour of my house. She was cross every time I said don't go upstairs but did eventually stop.

GnomeDePlume · 05/09/2018 13:52

IME after the first viewing across the first few days after moving in people arent interested in looking around unless invited (and even not then often).

If you think people (family) are likely to want to nose then get a lock for the bedroom door and use it when they visit. If questioned explain it away (wrapping presents, dont want it used as a dumping ground, full of boxes/paint) or make things up (you could have fun with this ).

pyramidbutterflyfish · 05/09/2018 13:58

Bit odd. It’s just a normal room... presumably!? Tbh I’d make me think it’s a sex chamber or something, and want a nosy

OutPinked · 05/09/2018 13:59

We’ve also just bought a new house. DP took his parents around it before we’d actually moved in as I did my DM. We haven’t invited them around the bedrooms since that.

checkingforballoons · 05/09/2018 14:04

Leave a gimp mask on the bed. They won’t look for long.

FlorencesHunger · 05/09/2018 14:07

I tend to put anything I don't want people to see away on the off chance they wander.
Seems to be people I know well who magicly appear in my bedroom without asking or start playing with my small gym equipment that they know is there.

My brother is one, first time I just found him standing there not really doing anything, I was a bit .

I don't mind as long as I put stuff away. (nothing sinister) .

I do give people a small tour.

borlottibeans · 05/09/2018 14:07

YANBU. The bedroom is where we dump everything when we do a mad tidy round 20 mins before guests arrive. For that reason it is off limits.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 05/09/2018 14:10

They won’t keep asking, surely? The tour is over, nobody in their right mind is going to “remind” you that they missed out on a nosy round your bedroom.

ShatteredTattered · 05/09/2018 14:11

its a private place.

i would never charge into someone's bedroom - but lots of people are insensitive idiots - just look at MN on any issue !

keep the door shut. better yet, get a key!

ShatteredTattered · 05/09/2018 14:11

i meant get a lock!

HotNatured · 05/09/2018 14:12

Yes YABU and v precious ! It’s just a room, no one is that interested.

ShatteredTattered · 05/09/2018 14:18

You can respect other people's feelings, even if you don't feel the same. Why would you go into someone's bedroom and look/wonder around if you're not "interested"? If I'd just moved in I might show people - from the door - but after that, there is no reason for them to go into my bedroom!

Juells · 05/09/2018 14:19

Hmmnnnnn I'd feel a bit intrusive looking into someone's bedroom. I stay overnight with one of my daughters every second week or so and have only once looked into her bedroom - she got new carpet laid and asked me to have a look at it. I wouldn't otherwise.

Bluntness100 · 05/09/2018 14:29

I also struggle to understand this and can't see the harm, people only get thr tour once, it's usually out of politeness and to show an interest, and for a bedroom it's as interesting as any other room. They just put their nose round and say that's lovely or something and head out to thr next room. It's not like they want to spend any time in there or rifle through your drawers.

I don't see how it's invading a sanctuary and do see it as a bit teenage girl if I'm honest. The whole house is yours. But I guess we are all different.

SerenDippitty · 05/09/2018 14:31

I consider all areas of people’s homes as private unless they invite me to look. I wouldn’t even go into the kitchen unless invited and certainly would not ask to see someone’s bedroom.

Hazzleton · 05/09/2018 14:35

I’m sure no one will be bothered.
We’ve just bought a new house and whenever I do the house tour I have to get people to go in our room as they seem to go past it (I’m very proud of my paintwork).
Before tours (if you know when someone is coming) open every door except that one and just walk past it, I’m sure no one will care enough to ask. If they do roll out the box excuse!

Bluntness100 · 05/09/2018 14:50

Do you lock your bedroom door then op? Or object to your son going in? What about if someone is staying over, is your door firmly shut?

Our bedroom door is always open unless we ar sleeping or using the room ie getting dressed. We often have friends over. They are welcome to go in and get anything they need ie a spare hairdryer or whatever. All they see is a chest of drawers, a bed, some wardrobes etc. Furniture basically. Our toiletries and stuff on the chest of drawers. Nothing private.

I get why Tweenies might not want folks in their room. I'd be curious to understand when you're an adult and own the whole house. What do you feel is so wrong with someone being able to see the room or even go into it?

Juells · 05/09/2018 14:54

Penis beaker, obviously

Kokeshi123 · 05/09/2018 14:58

Just say "it's messy"--there is no need to make a big thing about it.

Bluntness100 · 05/09/2018 15:00

Penis beaker, obviously

🤣🤣🤣

museumum · 05/09/2018 15:00

why would you need to do anything 'long term'? surely after your closest friends and family have 'had the tour' once that's it? nobody will care about the new house after that (if they even did care much to start with). My parents haven't even been upstairs since the first new house look around.

keyboardkate · 05/09/2018 15:04

I don't know.... surely a bedroom is well, just a bedroom! Cannot understand how some people would even WANT to invade someone's privacy like this!

So no, I would not not invite anyone upstairs for any reason other than if they were staying with me or there was no downstairs loo.

How nosy is that, some people have no boundaries at all. Stand firm OP! Show them a screenshot of the agent blurb instead ha ha.

Emmageddon · 05/09/2018 15:07

I like the gimp mask suggestion.

I think you're overestimating people's interest in your home.

When we moved to our latest house I forced people to come into my bedroom to see the fabulous coastal view from the window - they politely accepted but I'm pretty sure they were bored and wanted to get back downstairs to the Pringles and prosecco.

Bluntness100 · 05/09/2018 15:08

So no, I would not not invite anyone upstairs for any reason other than if they were staying with me or there was no downstairs loo

So if you bought a new house, you would not permit friends or family to see round it, they wouldn't be allowed upstairs, you wouldn't give the tour? You'd go one further than the op who just doesn't want to show her bedroom when giving the tour, you'd not even show upstairs in your new house?.

keyboardkate · 05/09/2018 15:14

Bluntness,

You are correct. None of their business to be frank about it, and most people couldn't care less about me showing off my new house either, just another chore for them, so it's off the menu!

Those who matter would have seen it at viewing stage including family so they know what it's like.I also keep screenshots of the rooms of every house viewed. But having moved in, no way José are they looking in the bedrooms, they are just such private spaces.

I'm obviously in a minority here!

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