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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to have cried at a toddler group.

60 replies

beyondthebrink · 05/09/2018 12:37

Took my two DDs to a new toddler group this morning. It was probably a bad idea as I had barely any sleep last night but I can't stand being at home with my two kids fighting constantly. My eldest (4) is starting school next week and at the moment is an emotional wreck. She's scared of EVERYTHING. Somebody asked her to sit on the mat with the other children to have a biscuit, and that was it, it set her off. She sat under the table and screamed at anybody who came near her. Meanwhile I'm trying to deal with my youngest (2) who now has a shitty nappy and fighting with the other toddlers over a toy pushchair.

On any other day, I probably would've coped a little better but I found myself bursting into tears. I felt so embarrassed and I didn't know anybody else there as it was the first time we'd gone to this particular group.

DD 1 clearly didn't want to be there but refused to leave as well?!

I eventually managed to gather my things, and the girls, and leave before the group ended. I cried in the car the whole way home.

I don't have any mum friends to talk to about the hard days.
My husband is currently working away.
Lack of sleep.
My eldest starting school next week (and maybe she isn't ready for it?)

It's no wonder I broke down in public but I feel so ashamed. :( I feel like I should be doing a better job at this parenting malarkey.

Feeling like a big, fat failure of a parent right now.

OP posts:

Ooforfoxsakeridesagain · 05/09/2018 12:40

You aren’t a failure. I promise you, we all have these days. We are all winging it.

Be kind to yourself. What you’re doing is really, really hard.

Atalune · 05/09/2018 12:41

You’re not a failure!!! It happens to us all, 100%.

You’re eldest- school will be good for her, give her confidence and structure and more things to do.
Your youngest- she’s 2. Nuff said really, they are beautiful little despots at that age!

Be kind to yourself. Whack on the television, have lunch. Regroup and go to the park afterwards.

Eldest is probably nervous about school? So some extra cuddles might be a good idea.

TwoOddSocks · 05/09/2018 12:42

It happens to everyone. I almost started crying in a playgroup once and I was the one supposed to be running it!

purplemunkey · 05/09/2018 12:43

Oh bless you. I wish I'd have been there as I'd have tried to help, it can all get too much some days.

Go easy on yourself and keep things as simple as you can. Sounds like DD is anxious about starting school, it might be a bit rocky to start but I'm sure she'll settle in time x

stressedtiredbuthappy · 05/09/2018 12:43

No you're not a failure. You have two very young children, I feel like that with one at the moment. I've never felt like such a shit mother as I have the past few days but realistically I know if doing the best I can. As we all are.

Disabrie22 · 05/09/2018 12:44

I have been there so many times - don’t be hard on yourself.
I had a terrible morning with my child before school - and they are older - wailing for an hour - cried myself after they’d gone in. Sometimes it’s all just too much and too stressful and you can’t hold it together.

chocatoo · 05/09/2018 12:44

Am sure anyone who has more than one child has been in similar position! Sounds to me as if the problem is more that you don’t have friends to chat things over with and support you which is exactly why you should go to the group next week. You can always start a conversation along the lines of ‘I am hoping this week goes better than last week...’
Your daughter will be fine at School. Her teachers will have plenty of experience handling reluctant starters!

RayRayBidet · 05/09/2018 12:44

You are not alone, I have had days like this.
Put them in front of the TV and scream in to your pillow. Then please treat yourself to a lovely cream cake or something you like and a nice cup of tea which you should drink while it is hot.

tinygirlsmum · 05/09/2018 12:45

I'm forever bursting into tears at baby groups and I only have 1!!! Sometimes I just get emotional for no reason when she's playing nicely with others! I'm sure you're doing great x

spugzbunny · 05/09/2018 12:45

Oh my goodness! Did none of the other mums stop and help? I've cried at baby groups, many other mums have cried at baby groups! We help, hug and say we've all been through it!

Grumblepants · 05/09/2018 12:45

Don't be so hard on yourself. I promise you the other mums will not be judging you but feeling your pain and probably trying to decide if they should give you a hug or if that might make them look weird.
I've cried in public loads of times when ds is being a little sod.
Tomorrow will be better

thebeesknees123 · 05/09/2018 12:46

I hated toddler groups for the above reason. They're hotbeds of parental tension.. Don't be hard on yourself. Just choose another activity for them

Orangepear · 05/09/2018 12:47

We all have days like this! I'd stick cbeebies on or go and lie down with them both and hope everyone falls asleep. Does your eldest know anyone who will be in her new class? If so I'd try to meet up one day if possible.
You're not a failure - parenting is hard and sleep deprivation is shit!

royalton · 05/09/2018 12:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kaytee87 · 05/09/2018 12:48

Did no one offer you any help? Someone would have at my local toddlers.

I hope you're feeling better now

CousinKrispy · 05/09/2018 12:48

oh I'm so sorry. I've been there too and feel nothing but sympathy, I bet most of the mums in the room (if they noticed you crying at all) had the same thought. You are definitely not a failure.

It will get easier as they get older but go easy on yourself in the meantime. Is there any possibility of making mum friends in the area? Any family who could help give you a break?

You'll make it, I know it's just hard in the meantime.

Mookatron · 05/09/2018 12:49

Completely normal to lose it at toddler group tbh. I'm surprised nobody helped you out a bit (but maybe they were all frazzled too, it's a funny time of year). and for you.

CousinKrispy · 05/09/2018 12:50

p.s. I have found it easier to make other mum friends now that my kid is in school, I met some nice people through toddler groups but school offers a much more consistent structure for meeting the same people repeatedly which helped.

MrsMozart · 05/09/2018 12:50

Yikes lass! Don't be ashamed. The vast majority of us have had those times.

Spend the afternoon doing whatever is the most chill for all of you.

RageAgainstTheTagine · 05/09/2018 12:51

I think being around other women seems to bring out my tears! It's like I know they will support me, in my crazy hysterical crisis', and they will have all been there.
So, I'm stunned that you weren't rugby tackled into a cozy hug and offered tea and sympathy tbh.

seventhgonickname · 05/09/2018 12:52

Deep breath.You are not a failure unless the rest of us are.Somedays it's just overwhelming and crap.
Your eldest will be going to school and although it may be unsettling at first she will be fine.Children often respond differently with teachers who have seen it all.If there are problems the school will let you know.Children change a lot once they start school and it is hard for parents too.I found not knowing what she did all-day hard and she could never remember.

Then you will just have 1 to manage which will be easier.
I went to one toddler group and felt so unwelcome I never tried again.I found the library had nice toddler reading and rhyming groups.Because everyone is joining in you don't feel left out and you can talk to mums after as and if you want.
Other support will be a long on this tread and lots of empathy.

DontCallMeBaby · 05/09/2018 12:52

I only have one, she’s 14 and I can still remember crying at a toddler group! She was potty training, wanted to ‘go’ every five minutes, I couldn’t have a cuppa, try to talk to anyone, it all seemed so completely pointless. With hindsight it was a good test - no one asked if I was okay or offered a tissue.

Verbena87 · 05/09/2018 12:52

You are normal. I can’t bdlieve none of the other parents gave you a hand or a hug though. What’s the matter with people?!

Ooforfoxsakeridesagain · 05/09/2018 12:55

Yes! Completely agree that School will help you make friends. You’re all in it together, you’ll see who has a toddler as well and coffee will ensue. Then there will be some ropey ‘mums nights out’ when you can work out who you really like 😉

I forget how isolating it all was. And boring. You’re in the thick of it now. You won’t feel this way for long.

Firenight · 05/09/2018 12:55

Toddler groups are hideous at the best of times. I never bothered with my second child and it was bliss!

My 4 year old is also a bag of nerves right now about to start school. Not easy.

I second sticking them in front of the telly and having a cuppa.

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