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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have cried at a toddler group.

60 replies

beyondthebrink · 05/09/2018 12:37

Took my two DDs to a new toddler group this morning. It was probably a bad idea as I had barely any sleep last night but I can't stand being at home with my two kids fighting constantly. My eldest (4) is starting school next week and at the moment is an emotional wreck. She's scared of EVERYTHING. Somebody asked her to sit on the mat with the other children to have a biscuit, and that was it, it set her off. She sat under the table and screamed at anybody who came near her. Meanwhile I'm trying to deal with my youngest (2) who now has a shitty nappy and fighting with the other toddlers over a toy pushchair.

On any other day, I probably would've coped a little better but I found myself bursting into tears. I felt so embarrassed and I didn't know anybody else there as it was the first time we'd gone to this particular group.

DD 1 clearly didn't want to be there but refused to leave as well?!

I eventually managed to gather my things, and the girls, and leave before the group ended. I cried in the car the whole way home.

I don't have any mum friends to talk to about the hard days.
My husband is currently working away.
Lack of sleep.
My eldest starting school next week (and maybe she isn't ready for it?)

It's no wonder I broke down in public but I feel so ashamed. :( I feel like I should be doing a better job at this parenting malarkey.

Feeling like a big, fat failure of a parent right now.

OP posts:
Foodylicious · 05/09/2018 12:55

Some days are just hard.
Really hard.
It's not brilliant, but it's ok Flowers

Can you stick a film on this afternoon and just cosy up with some snacks?

Babyroobs · 05/09/2018 12:57

I'm surprised no one comforted you or gave you a hug. I'm sure they've all felt like that at some point when things become overwhelming.

Ooforfoxsakeridesagain · 05/09/2018 12:57

Don’t take no one asking if you are ok personally. It’s a difficult one. It could make you feel worse, suggest you aren’t coping, a hug could set you off, they might not have even noticed - whatever. We all know it’s just a bad day.

Queenofthestress · 05/09/2018 12:58

I've had a full breakdown at several toddlers group's, still do occasionally!

Spudlet · 05/09/2018 12:58

Oh love, these things happen. At the playgroup I regularly go to, someone would have helped you out for sure. At some of the others we've tried, not so much! Keep shopping around, you'll find the right one for you.

Chin up, bad days happen to the best of us. It's not your fault, and it can't be helped.

AhHaaa · 05/09/2018 13:00

You're not alone OP. I cried in the car after dropping my 5 yr old off to breakfast club this morning.

His first day back at school, never been to breakfast club before, so He knew nobody. But I have a new job and need to start at 9am. Breakfast club is my only option to get to work on time. I felt SO bad.

He's a nervous shy kid and he's so little too. I felt like a terrible mother leaving him there. I watched him through the window looking bewildered and I felt the most painful guilt in the pit of my stomach that I sobbed in the car on the way to work. I'm still wondering if I'm doing the right thing.

You're doing great OP. Kids are hard work. Everybody's have tantrums and melt downs. I never even went to any parent & child groups because my DS was the absolute king of tantrums and I struggled with depression. He played up every where we went and I just found it exhausting and not at all enjoyable. His first week at preschool was plagued with him crying and screaming for me, making it clear he didn't want to be there. But he was always like that with new situations. He settled once it became a regular routine. My DS has always needed routines to feel secure.

Maybe your DDs will settle in soon when it becomes part of your routine?

Give yourself a break. You're a good mum Flowers

Motherhood101Fail · 05/09/2018 13:05

This reply has been withdrawn

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Allotment123 · 05/09/2018 13:08

I've cried at so many toddler groups - people are always extra nice, don't be ashamed of letting people know you are struggling. They then help you with your children and look our for you the following week, if they don't, find one that does.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 05/09/2018 13:08

Oh bloody hell OP you need a big fat hug! I would have offered one if I'd seen you crying at toddler group for sure.

Hopefully once DD starts school things will settle down. It's a big thing for both of you right now and you're both bound to be stressed and fragile.

It's a cliche I know but have a cup of tea and a bit of cake and take a deep breath Flowers

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 05/09/2018 13:09

Oh bless you, you're not a failure. Toddler groups are dreadful places at the best of times, in your circumstances anyone would crack.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 05/09/2018 13:12

You're not a failure. A few weeks ago I took my children to an event put on by a children's centre. When it was time to leave I tried strapping my 2 year old in her buggy but she was having NONE of it, arching her back, screaming, trying to bite,having a spectacular tantrum. Every person in the place had their eyes on me, watching me all flustered trying to restrain her while also with my other three kids. Then my 1 year old kicked off crying. Someone came over to see what was the matter and it made me feel worse although their intentions were good.
We have all been there x

MarthasGinYard · 05/09/2018 13:12

Yabu

To have gone to a toddler groupGrin

But not to cry

Get out and about doing other stuff Thanks

GinUnicorn · 05/09/2018 13:13

Oh I want to hug you! You will not be the first or last. Parenting is hard. Sending Flowers

SinkGirl · 05/09/2018 13:15

Oh I’ve so been there! Started a new group with my twins a few months ago - one has a lot of difficulties and he really struggled, was crying and clinging to me, and then went round the room trying to swallow everything, someone spoke to me near the end and I burst into tears - it was mortifying. But we are now friends! People know it’s hard, you’re not alone x

MrTumblesSpottyHag · 05/09/2018 13:16

I'm more surprised that nobody stepped up to help you than I am that you cried! I'd have given you a hug and offered to deal with the shitty nappy.

Momotheathlete · 05/09/2018 13:18

You aren't a failure. We have all been there (or if you're me, several times).

PonderLand · 05/09/2018 13:21

I only have one child and I cried at a messy play group, I went with a friend who's baby loved it and my son was such a pain he really hates messy/sensory things so we sat in a corner for the full session and I tried to stop the meltdown with tears in my eyes, so so cringey, I wanted to appear normal with a normal baby that liked buckets full of spaghetti. Looking back I should of just left.

You're really not a failure, you've all got a big change coming up soon and it must be making you all feel a bit anxious. It will all fit into place once she's started school. I think you deserve a big pat on the back just for getting out of the door with them before noon!

everythingwasgoingsowell · 05/09/2018 13:24

We have all been there. I remember getting so annoyed with my son not putting his coat on quickly enough as we were running late for school - we were late because I had overslept. He started to cry. I even still remember him doing the walk of shame with his late slip across the hall to his class. On the way to work, on the radio, Adia was played by Sarah Mclachlan (opening lines, Adia I do believe, I've failed you, Adia, I know I've let you down). I got to work and burst into tears. A colleague who I always saw as the calmest and perfect mum took me aside and said "we have all been there and those that say they haven't, are fibbing!". Really, don't be hard on yourself sometimes things can be handled with good humour, other times, its just too much for us.

LeighaJ · 05/09/2018 13:27

You're not a failure and you shouldn't be ashamed. Other Mum's will understand you having a horrendous day and have likely been there themselves.

I cried at the end of a baby group before, over something silly. It's not easy being a parent.

Neolara · 05/09/2018 13:28

I cried at toddler groups frequently. I meet a group of friends regularly for coffee. Over the years, all of us have wept in the cafe and our kids are all much older now than yours. Triggers have included: potty training, homework, logistics of the cubs run etc. Crying while kid wrangling is completely normal. It can be overwhelming. As someone with older kids, would it help to tell you that it gets easier as they grow up?

Flyingpigs247 · 05/09/2018 13:30

Sending hugs your way.
You're not alone.
My eldest has autism and I will never forget taking him to a toddler group (also had DD who was a baby at the time) and he was literally causing chaos. It was around the time of his diagnosis and I was trying to get my head around the fact he was never going to develop in the way the other children at the group were. I couldn't engage him in any toys or activities and I had "tuts" and frowns from all the other parents whose children were all sat at the table doing the craft activity while my child ran aimlessly around the room.
I gathered him and my baby together with tears streaming down my face, walked out and never went back.

Popsicales · 05/09/2018 13:33

I’ve cried at baby and toddler group too. First and last time I went to a group with my two. My baby was 3 weeks and my DS was 13 months, he was tantrumming, running wild and screaming every 2 seconds. I had the baby in the sling and she was shrieking, it was just horrendous and hormones didn’t help.

My thighs physically ached from running round and squatting with DD in the sling the next day. Taking two to a toddler group is hard work so yanbu for having a cry. Hope you’re ok!

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 05/09/2018 13:43

OP, I'm usually very patient, very calm and tend to be good at coping. However! Two DC at your DC ages was very, very hard at times and tested me to my absolute limit.

Don't give yourself a hard time, honestly. Every parent gets it. You're doing a great job of being a loving parent.

Is deferring your DD's place an option if she really isn't ready?

fudgesmummy · 05/09/2018 13:44

As a mum for the last 31 years and a childminder for the last 25 years (afternoon off!)I have been to toddler group 100’s of times.
I always make an effort to talk to new mums and especially the ones who look like they have had enough of being a mummy for that day!
I wish I you had all been at a group where I was it’s so sad that you all had to leave feeling so rubbish ☹️

ScrimshawTheSecond · 05/09/2018 14:03

You poor thing, what a crappy day. Parenting is the hardest thing I've ever done. I continue to feel a failure at it so often that I start to wonder if that isn't just an inescapable part of it. It gets (a bit) easier as they get bigger. Take good care. It's exhausting, we all need a wee weep now and again, it's totally understandable.

Some toddler groups are bloody awful, tbh, I visited one where everyone ignored me until someone accused me of stealing their sub money. It only takes a couple of people to make a group seem unfriendly. Fairly sure I wept after that one.

But later I did find other groups that saved my sanity, gave me lots of laughs and good friends that I still have today. If you weren't comfortable in that group maybe try looking for others? Mum friends are a lifeline. Hope you feel better soon. xxx

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