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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I rude?

54 replies

AjasLipstick · 05/09/2018 06:41

Went into a moderately sized "fancy gift shop" today. I live near there and have shopped there on and off for about two years.

The owner knows me and I'm in their loyalty club. It's over-priced but locally, it's the only place for gifts.

Anyway...the owner last year got a part time assistant so she could have 2 days off a week. I've only been in when both the owner and new assistant are there previously.

I went in today and it was just the assistant and the shop was empty. She greeted me effusively as usual and I said hello politely. I was dressed for a business meeting, so well dressed, business attire etc.

I began to look around for a present for a friend. Assistant said "Do you need any help?" and I said no thank you, I;m just having a bit of a browse.

She continued to speak to me as I looked. Just little comments like

"Looking for something special?"

"Up to anything interesting today?"

Which is a common thing for shop assistants to say here in Australia...I find it annoying...what am I meant to say?? I'm not usually doing anything exciting!

So I just responded to her continuous interjections in a polite but shortish fashion to try to shut her up!

Things like "No thanks" and "Not really" but with a smile so as not to appear too rude....but also let her know I didn't want help.

But it was CONSTANT "Let me know if you need help!" "Just tell me if you want me to get anything out!"

I was so irritated as I couldn't think! I like to shop quietly and think about what I should buy.

I then went to a stand with handmade soaps on it and she came over "Now these soaps...let me tell you..." so I interrupted with "I know all about them already (true...I actually know the woman who makes them!) I just like to shop quietly or I can't think properly"

She said "Ok!" and went behind the till.

A little while later I couldn't find anything suitable so went to leave and said "Bye" and she said "Do you mind if I have a look in your bag?"

Like I'd been shoplifting!

I'm a 45 year old woman who regularly spends money in there. A fair bit of money.

I said "Of course" and showed her. I know I didn't have to but I wanted her to see because she'd obviously either genuinely suspected me or she wanted to embarrass me....either way, I didn't want to give her reason to suspect me.

Then she said "Oh we have a lot of theft sorry about that...thanks for being understanding"

Was I rude when I told her not I didn't want help? Did she ask to look just to annoy me? And should I mention it to the owner? I don't think I will go back there again....maybe I just shouldn't bother to mention it to the owner! She's obviously not trained her assistant well.

OP posts:
Thehop · 05/09/2018 06:42

Oh my god, tell the owner!!!!!! That’s awful!!!

pigeondujour · 05/09/2018 06:49

I'd tell her. I would have been fuming.

TheHulksPurplePanties · 05/09/2018 06:49

No I don't think you were rude, but neither was she.

I worked in a small shop like that during uni and we had a spat of theft that was really hitting us. The owners asked us to check bags and keep an eye on people and we had to, even if we didn't like it.

I wouldn't take it personally.

TwoBlueShoes · 05/09/2018 06:50
Shock

Of course you weren’t rude. I genuinely don’t know what I’d do in that situation. She sounds like she has a huge chip on her shoulder.

RainySeptember · 05/09/2018 07:00

I expect any small business owner would prefer you to mention it rather than simply never return (and probably tell all of your friends about the experience too).

The right thing to do would be to go in on a day when the owner was there alone and suggest that her assistant needs more training before being left unsupervised, because she pestered you constantly and checked your bag without any justification.

As you were the only person in the shop, and her full attention was focused on you, she knew you hadn't stolen anything.

It wouldn't sit well with me to get someone into trouble with their employer, but the poor owner does need to know before her business starts losing customers.

DurhamDurham · 05/09/2018 07:01

I didn't think you were allowed to 'check' bags unless you had seen someone select an item and conceal it?
I'd be furious and never shop there again.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 05/09/2018 07:02

No you weren’t rude.

I’d have left much sooner, I can’t abide pushy shop staff.

I’d tell the owner (everything) too. She needs to know what’s happening when she’s not there I’d have been mortified if one of my staff had acted like that. It’s clearly NOT policy as she’s not like that when the owner IS there. It’s a jumped up little madam playing shop!

GinDaddy · 05/09/2018 07:02

The girl was doing her job. She doesn’t know you - any slick thief could say “I know the owner” and be well dressed etc.

YABU

WerewolfNumber1 · 05/09/2018 07:03

I’d have a word with the owner, the assistant obviously isn’t handling customer interactions well. I’d probably never go back if I was going to be constantly hassled either. I don’t think you were rude.

Pinkyyy · 05/09/2018 07:03

It appears that she suspected you were shop lifting for some reason right from the beginning. It's a popular tactic in some stores to continuously speak to customers who they feel may be shoplifting and try and make them feel annoyed/uncomfortable to the point where they just leave. It essentially should deter them by not giving them chance to steal because they're constantly being bothered.

I wouldn't worry too much about it, you know you weren't up to no good. Perhaps she was feeling the pressure of running the shop alone and has been told to be extra vigilant?

missusZee · 05/09/2018 07:13

You don't come across well. You feel the need to tell us the price of gifts in the shop, what you are wearing, that you know a soap maker.

"Like I'd been shoplifting!"

Nonsense! You were in business attire. Get the impudent shop keeper fired. Surely you know the owner.

Banana8080 · 05/09/2018 07:27

She was being irritating, then a total bitch.

Tell the owner!!

TheHulksPurplePanties · 05/09/2018 07:31

I'm getting the impression that most of the responders on this thread have never worked in retail....Confused

Original poster
AjasLipstick · 05/09/2018 07:35

Thanks everyone. I must say, it's something that I might have fumed over in the past but I felt oddly ok about it today for some reason.

I don't think I will bother to tell the owner as this is a very small town and I quite recently began part-time work in a well known organisation where either the owner or the assistant could come in and feel terrible if they encountered me there.

I think the owner would be horrified to be honest and I don't want the assistant to get in trouble or the owner to feel bad.

OP posts:
Original poster
AjasLipstick · 05/09/2018 07:37

Purple I have though....and really, she was way off the mark. My bag was a smallish, closed handbag...the sort which sits tight under your armpit. I wasn't alone in any area of the shop for any time at all...she could see me all the time.

OP posts:
adaline · 05/09/2018 07:38

I work in retail @TheHulksPurplePanties but the assistants attitude was way over the top.

By all means greet the customer and offer your assistance - but there's no need to follow them round the shop and comment on every single thing they do! And then accuse them of shoplifting afterwards Hmm

If I did that at work at the very least it would be a disciplinary and if the customer was upset/complained enough I'd possibly get fired.

Her behaviour was appalling.

fieryginger · 05/09/2018 07:44

I'm the same as you regarding being badgered whilst shopping, I like to think about what I'm looking for and her constant badgering would have pissed me off too.

What you were wearing shouldn't have any sway in this at all.

Yanbu.

TheHulksPurplePanties · 05/09/2018 07:49

She said they have a lot of theft. And if it's a gift shop then I assume they have small items to fit in a small bag. When I was in retail someone nosing around for a long time and not buying anything was a major red flag, and yes, I would have been required to ask to look in their bag.

NonaGrey · 05/09/2018 07:53

I would mention to the owner in a friendly way.

Gift ships get lots of people browsing, I did it in two shops myself yesterday looking for a gift.

If she accuses every customer who isn’t chatty if theft they will lose business. It looks like they’ve already lost yours.

Be kind - it’s a training issue.

Original poster
AjasLipstick · 05/09/2018 07:55

Hulk yes I get that but as I said, I wasn't alone! I wouldn't have had a chance to steal even if I was a thief. The shop's open in it's layout.

My bag was tucked under my armpit.

Nona yes, they've lost my business now and I will tell all my friends too. There's a much better shop a few miles away that's recently opened. I'll go there tomorrow instead!

OP posts:
TheHulksPurplePanties · 05/09/2018 07:58

Ajas fair enough, I'd perhaps have a word with the owner. Perhaps the owner has asked them to be more vigilant and she was over zealous in this. As I said, I don't think either of you were rude in context.

Babdoc · 05/09/2018 07:59

You won’t have this problem for much longer, OP. If the assistant hassles all the customers like this, they soon won’t have any, and the shop will close down.
If the owner is a friend, I’d warn her that the assistant’s behaviour is bad for business.

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 05/09/2018 08:00

I lived in oz for 3 years. The checking you're bag on the way out is routine (or it was in Perth anyway) even in the big shops. Annoyed me at first but got used to it and just held it open on the way out.

NonaGrey · 05/09/2018 08:02

they've lost my business now and I will tell all my friends too

Which is fair enough, but I’d give the store owner a fighting chance to fix the problem.

Hulk I was in two independent gift shop yesterday browsing and didn’t buy. No one asked me to open my bag.

Thatsfuckingshit · 05/09/2018 08:04

So you aren't going to tell the owner, but you are going to tell everyone else in the hope they don't shop there?

Fwiw, I worked in a high end store department store in the UK. They did some training on handling shops lifters. Dressing is business dress was alway seen as a bit of a red flag, as it were. Yes some people have popped in from work. But lots of shop lifters dress up to do it.

The assistant may have been told to speak to customers who are in and keep and eye out for shop lifters. She may not have gone about it in the best way, but the shop owner needs to know that so she can feed it back.

But you would rather try and damage her business instead.

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