Was I rude?

[AjasLipstick]

Went into a moderately sized "fancy gift shop" today. I live near there and have shopped there on and off for about two years.

The owner knows me and I'm in their loyalty club. It's over-priced but locally, it's the only place for gifts.

Anyway...the owner last year got a part time assistant so she could have 2 days off a week. I've only been in when both the owner and new assistant are there previously.

I went in today and it was just the assistant and the shop was empty. She greeted me effusively as usual and I said hello politely. I was dressed for a business meeting, so well dressed, business attire etc.

I began to look around for a present for a friend. Assistant said "Do you need any help?" and I said no thank you, I;m just having a bit of a browse.

She continued to speak to me as I looked. Just little comments like

"Looking for something special?"

"Up to anything interesting today?"

Which is a common thing for shop assistants to say here in Australia...I find it annoying...what am I meant to say?? I'm not usually doing anything exciting!

So I just responded to her continuous interjections in a polite but shortish fashion to try to shut her up!

Things like "No thanks" and "Not really" but with a smile so as not to appear too rude....but also let her know I didn't want help.

But it was CONSTANT "Let me know if you need help!" "Just tell me if you want me to get anything out!"

I was so irritated as I couldn't think! I like to shop quietly and think about what I should buy.

I then went to a stand with handmade soaps on it and she came over "Now these soaps...let me tell you..." so I interrupted with "I know all about them already (true...I actually know the woman who makes them!) I just like to shop quietly or I can't think properly"

She said "Ok!" and went behind the till.

A little while later I couldn't find anything suitable so went to leave and said "Bye" and she said "Do you mind if I have a look in your bag?"

Like I'd been shoplifting!

I'm a 45 year old woman who regularly spends money in there. A fair bit of money.

I said "Of course" and showed her. I know I didn't have to but I wanted her to see because she'd obviously either genuinely suspected me or she wanted to embarrass me....either way, I didn't want to give her reason to suspect me.

Then she said "Oh we have a lot of theft sorry about that...thanks for being understanding"

Was I rude when I told her not I didn't want help? Did she ask to look just to annoy me? And should I mention it to the owner? I don't think I will go back there again....maybe I just shouldn't bother to mention it to the owner! She's obviously not trained her assistant well.

It's a bit unfair that you won't speak to the owner about it, but you will tell all your friends and not shop there again.

NonaGrey fantastic. Perhaps those shops don't have issues with shoplifting. Perhaps the OP's shop does. Perhaps two different independently owned gift shops have different issues that require different levels of customer service and vigilance.

I e worked in retail too and one of the first things you pick up is when to bugger off and let the customer browse.

I would tell the owner. She was overzealous.

Sounds like the assistant has been trained to regard anyone wanting to browse quietly on their own as suspicious, especially if they don't buy anything.

I don't know why people are tying themselves in knots to defend a shop assistant who was annoying (not in dispute, the customer was annoyed to the point of not shopping there again) and unnecessarily checked a regular customer's bag despite the fact that she had no opportunity to steal due to (1) being watched like a hawk, and (2) having a tiny closed back tucked into her armpit.

And to the pp who suggested op wasn't coming across well, I really think the extra details (such as what she was wearing) were to pre-empt any questions.

Still think you should tell the owner op, as it's a small independent business in a small town.

Every shop I go into where we live (NSW) checks your bags on leaving, or at the till in the smaller shops. It’s just the way things are done here.

I think you’re being VERY unfair not to give the owner a chance to talk to her staff member and telling everyone you know could easily end up ruining their business.

Perhaps Hulk, given salt and Maitland’s comments this is a particularly Australian thing.

I’ve certainly never ever been asked to show my bag in a store, nor would I shop there again if I did.

I have worked in retail as it happens, and we would never have asked random customers to open their bags without good cause.

Perhaps it’s a cultural thing.

Regardless the store has lost Ajas’s business and potentially damaged its reputation locally at a time when a new competitior has entered the market. All for no good reason. None of that is good for the store owner or her business.

The assistant may have been told to speak to customers who are in and keep and eye out for shop lifters. She may not have gone about it in the best way, but the shop owner needs to know that so she can feed it back

Agree. We had a problem with shop lifting at one place I worked - a small, local shop frequented mainly by locals. Except someone was stealing and we didn't initially have CCTV. You have to find a way of watching people without them getting irritated by it but you have to watch and you can't make assumptions about who might or might not take stuff. For all we knew it could have been that friendly, loyal-seeming customer.

I wouldn't take it personally, I'd just view it as a training issue for her. If a lot of stock has gone missing when she's worked there she'll be wary, with good reason.

You're going to bitch to your friends?

Every Aussie I've met has been really pleasant.

If you won't shop there anymore why not tell the owner? Considering the woman was badgering you so much i doubt she actually thought you a thief, it sounds like she didn't take her eyes off you!

All for no good reason

It is for good reason if the stores been targeted by shop lifters. As I said in my original post, I was asked to do this at a store I worked for in uni. Luckily no one threw their toys out of the pram, because they understood the issue.

The OP says she shops there a lot, so if this is a new policy the shop assistant should have explained. The OP doesn’t owe the shop her feedback or custom. The shop assistant must have known she risked offending the OP and losing her custom with her actions.

I do wonder though if the SA has become disgruntled somehow and is deliberately sabotaging the business.

I was initially wtf about the bag check but from other Aussie posters it seems bag checking is the norm, so why is that an issue in this case? Being followed and engaged in conversation when you want to browse is annoying, but if you care about local business perhaps mention it to the shop owner rather than try to ruin the business.

She was so annoying that one should be excused to bashing her on the head with a wooden spoon! In a similar (although not that bad) situation I said "Leave me alone please" firmly and politely. In another case I said the truth "Er.. you are distracting me" when an assistant came over and started gabbing about. They usually disappear in a second.

I know they have a job to do, but annoying a customer is the opposite of their objective.

Please tell the owner. Hopefully she'll be given a boot. Seriously, this was gross.

Bag checking here is only the done thing in large chains. Supermarkets and our version of Asda do it. But small shops never do. It was unusual.

I've taken on the comments about the fact that I should tell the owner but I think I'm feeling a bit embarrassed really. I feel like why should I be put in that position?

How would I broach it? I'm quite a shy person and don't like possibly emotive situations. The girl could be her relative or something.

Looking back on it all, the real reason it all went wrong was the assistant's inability to read clear social signals.

Not everyone can can they?

Missus well I do feel like telling them yes. Why shouldn't I?

Would you feel more comfortable emailing the owner? We could help you draft something polite and clear?

"Why shouldn't I?"

Because it's cowardly, unpleasant and unnecessary.

Cowardly is the adjective that would hit me hard and rethink my actions. A good litmus test is, would you tell say the same to the person's face? If you don't have the lady-balls to speak to the owner then I have a very low opinion of you telling your "friends".

You're going to bitch to your friends?

Missus if one of your friends tells you about poor customer experience they have received do you really consider it “bitching”?

Customer research stats show that on average a happy customer tells about 9 friends about a good customer experience. If they have a bad experience they tell on average 16 friends.

Passing on customer experience is a normal topic of conversation.

Research also shows that for every customer that actually complains about the service over 20 more dissatisfied people walk away without saying anything (except to their friends).

Which is why it’s important for the store owner that the OP mentions her poor experience.

Hulk I do understand that from the general loss prevention point of view there is reason, but there wasn’t good reason to search this customer because she wasn’t stealing. And really if she was the single customer in the shop the assistant should have been vigilant enough to know she wasn’t stealing.

I do find this cultural difference quite interesting. It wouldn’t be acceptable to routinely and without cause search bags in the U.K., or in my experience in the US. They handle theft detection differently.

I wonder why Australia is different? Are rates of shop lifting higher? Is it a difference in the law? Or is it just cultural that Australians (other than the OP) don’t mind the tacit accusation whereas British people would?

I would email her or if they have a Facebook page then send a message on there.

I think to be fair to the owner you should tell her. It's worse to 'gossip' it to your friends. That's not fair. Give the owner a fair chance before you take your business elsewhere.
Email, if it's easier.

It does seem OTT to boycott a shop you've been happy with because of the behaviour of one employee. I agree that a quick email to the owner would be appropriate, because it may well be a relatively easy thing to resolve by training the assistant properly.

But I have to say that it really should be standard practice that, if a customer clearly wants to be left alone, shop staff should comply. It just makes business sense. There is nothing that makes me leave a shop more quickly than assistants pestering me and/or using heavy-handed sales techniques on me.

She was doing her job. Maybe she was being over the top and annoying, but it's not her fault. You're being oversensitive and I think you need to forget about it.

Nona, I wouldnt be surprised if shoplifting rates are higher in Aus. Remember a criminal record used to be a requirement of entry to the country.