To ask why a Facebook post has been deleted?

[tigercub50]

A little while ago I posted on a work colleague’s timeline ( we started at the same time so although we don’t work together, we do have that in common & are FB “friends”). I said that I thought she looked fed up at work that day & I hoped she was ok. It was only recently that I noticed my post wasn’t there. AIBU to pm her & ask why? Surely there’s nothing wrong with showing concern? I wouldn’t delete that if a colleague posted it on my timeline.

P.S I didn’t ask her why, just if she was ok

Maybe something to bear in mind for the future the Tiger.

It is nice to show concern, just privately. If someone is going through a hard time they don’t always it drawn attention to.

Just chalk it up to experience.

..and you are posting about it on mumsnet as well? If your 'work colleague knew this how do you think they would feel about you?

Give it a rest Eve. Mumsnet is anonymous otherwise no one would post at all.

Eve it’s a vague enough post, several weeks after the event not to identify anyone specifically.

On her actual public profile for all her friends to see? Sorry, but I don't think I'd have liked that much either.
Nothing wrong at all to send a supportive message via the private message chat box thingy, but as a wall post it's a bit of a personal matter.
Runs the risk of your friends going "ooh, wonder why rainbows was a grumpy cow today?" or she might be fine and dandy but just suffer from a case of resting bitch face like me

Catrina you can remove the tag which removes it from your timeline or you can “hide post” which removes it from your timeline (go to your profile, click on the ... top right of the post)

This, and there's also an option to completely delete the post as well if you don't just want to hide it.

The fact you have just asked here if you should PM her to ask why it has gone also indicates you have no filter for what is appropriate or know when to stop. How do you not know what you did is strange?

You don't post leading, lingering and personal questions on anyone's wall. Not just colleagues. It's potentially embarrassing to the person.

You also need to know when to stop flogging the dead horse. Drop it and learn from this.

Christ, what you did made me cringe and I would be very annoyed if you had done that to me. Sorry if that's harsh but it is fair.

Just had another think & actually I agree with a pp - partly it was about trying to make a good impression & come across as a kind concerned person. I suffer from anxiety & worry far too much about what people think of me. The anxiety I think also contributes to my lack of awareness with boundaries. I have tended to get quite needy, possibly even obsessive with some friends in the past & have lost one as a result sadly ( it took me a while to realise that was why). The daft thing is, I am very well liked but have trouble believing that I am a good enough person.

I’m sure you are a lovely person at heart Tiger and it is nice to show concern. It’s not nice to do it as an exercise in virtue signalling though, especially as if it could potentially cause distress for the person you are nominally trying to help.

It also probably fell really flat as a way of showing how nice you were as everyone who read it would go “that’s a bit inappropriate”.

That fact that you asked the question here though shows you are trying to develop in this area, which is to be commended.

As a general rule wall posts on Facebook are for wishing people Happy Birthday. Pretty much anything else is better handled privately.