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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why a Facebook post has been deleted?

60 replies

tigercub50 · 04/09/2018 22:52

A little while ago I posted on a work colleague’s timeline ( we started at the same time so although we don’t work together, we do have that in common & are FB “friends”). I said that I thought she looked fed up at work that day & I hoped she was ok. It was only recently that I noticed my post wasn’t there. AIBU to pm her & ask why? Surely there’s nothing wrong with showing concern? I wouldn’t delete that if a colleague posted it on my timeline.

OP posts:
newplacenofriends · 04/09/2018 23:14

I would have deleted that, felt mortified, and been upset with you. I know you did it with kind intentions but a lot of people wouldn't want that aired for all to see.

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 04/09/2018 23:18

Although, having read the OP again, this is all fairly inappropriate: you don't actually work together and all you have in common is that you started at the same time; you say you're only 'FB friends', so presumably you don't know each other particularly well; you posted it a while ago, but have just 'noticed' that it's been deleted, so you must have been specifically trawling her timeline to look at old posts ...

Kind of stalky Shock

NonJeNeRegretteRien · 04/09/2018 23:20

Fucking hell. This is why I deleted my Facebook.

Cagliostro · 04/09/2018 23:20

My mum used to do that when she was new to FB and thought it was PMing. Bless.

Definitely not appropriate. I’m also thinking reverse.

PikaPikaTink · 04/09/2018 23:25

This is why I never have colleagues on Facebook. How embarrassing for her if your other colleagues had seen. What were you thinking?

BlancheM · 04/09/2018 23:27

I'd have deleted that on sight

imadumbass · 04/09/2018 23:29

Absolutely bizarre.

Catrina1234 · 04/09/2018 23:29

I'm confused (easily so!) people are saying they would have deleted a particular post. Incidentally I think the OP has been given a tough time on here - I'm sure she meant well. BUT how can you delete a post? I understand PM/Messenger but not timeline and I thought it was private too. If I try to share something to friends it seems to go on my timeline and I think it goes on NF too...............my son says I need a biro and a pad of Basildon Bond for those of you who recall that stationery.

SmellMyBeads · 04/09/2018 23:31

You'd be popped on my restricted list asap.

noobs18 · 04/09/2018 23:35

@Catrina1234 everyone (depending on your privacy settings) can see your timeline. So it doesn't just come up on your newsfeed, it shows on the newsfeed of all your friends as well and can be seen by anyone looking at your FB profile

UsedBySomebodyAlready · 04/09/2018 23:37

Good grief. That would be deleted ASAP and would possibly make me deactivate the book of faces.

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 04/09/2018 23:37

It's pretty obvious that most stuff on someone's timeline isn't private or visible only to them. How would other people comment on posts if they couldn't see them?

Armchairanarchist · 04/09/2018 23:38

Don't ask her! I'd have been mortified and deleted that. I now it set so I can review posts and tags on photos before they appear on my timeline.

Holidayshopping · 04/09/2018 23:38

Are you serious?!

NonaGrey · 04/09/2018 23:38

Catrina you can remove the tag which removes it from your timeline or you can “hide post” which removes it from your timeline (go to your profile, click on the ... top right of the post)

Your timeline is visible to all your friends. And indeed often the friends of whoever tagged you in the message.

So every single person she has on FB whether friend, family member or colleague of the woman the OP wrote to will have been able to see that she looked upset at Work.

That’s unbelievably instrusive.

I do sometimes wonder if the constant oversharing on social media has removed some people’s understanding of any appropriate boundaries.

HildaZelda · 04/09/2018 23:41

Seriously? I would have deleted it straight away and to be honest I'd probably have been deleting you as a friend on there too.
I would NOT be impressed if someone posted that on my timeline! Hmm

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 04/09/2018 23:45

I do sometimes wonder if the constant oversharing on social media has removed some people’s understanding of any appropriate boundaries

Indeed. You'd hope that no one would walk up to a colleague they barely know and make a comment about them looking fed up in front of everyone else they worked with, which is essentially what a FB timeline post is doing.

SusanneLinder · 04/09/2018 23:46

I approve any post that appears on my wall, and am afraid OP, I would have deleted that straight away. I wouldn't want all and sundry knowing I had a shit day.

NonaGrey · 04/09/2018 23:48

You'd hope that no one would walk up to a colleague they barely know and make a comment about them looking fed up in front of everyone else they worked with, which is essentially what a FB timeline post is doing.

It’s actually the equivalent of shouting it across a restaurant filled with the woman’s nearest and dearest.

problembottom · 04/09/2018 23:49

This is why I have my FB set to ask me whether I want something posted to my timeline. I have one friend in particular who just doesn’t think.

I’d be pissed off if you posted this for sure and I’d delete it straight away - you have to be so careful posting anything about work.

OneDayIWish · 04/09/2018 23:56

It was really tactless and inappropriate of you to post that message for everyone to see. It's sad that you can't see that you've done anything wrong.

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/09/2018 23:59

Very inappropriate.

And only people that irritate me ever post on my wall, except for birthday greetings.

CoughLaughFart · 04/09/2018 23:59

You were nosy and, what’s worse, decided to make your curiosity public. Let the poor woman have a bad day without pressuring her.

Original poster
tigercub50 · 05/09/2018 11:57

Thanks all - I would normally pm someone with a message like that so not quite sure why I put it on the timeline. I really did mean well though. I actually do think I sometimes have problems with what is appropriate.
It was a little while ago so hopefully it will be forgotten

OP posts:
SwarmOfCats · 05/09/2018 12:04

I would have deleted that immediately too - my Facebook friends are made up of friends, acquaintances, old colleagues, family...and I don’t post all of my business in public for all of those people to see. I’d hate if somebody else posted on my wall in a way that could lead to others sending ‘u ok hun’ style messages (even more so if I had something going on and really didn’t want to talk about it!)