Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to contribute to mortgage?

150 replies

StopItAndTidyUpNow · 04/09/2018 10:44

My sister has been with her boyfriend for about 4 years, they live separately, he has one DC from a previous marriage..

They want to buy their own place together but in order to do that she is going to sell hers, move in with him into his house and then once a suitable house comes on the market they will only have one house to sell rather than 2.
They agreed to sell hers because his DC is settled in the house and it wouldn't be fair to move him once to hers, then again to another place, plus his DC can walk to school from where he lives now and can't from my sisters place.

Anyway, we were talking about it on the weekend and she plans to move in but not to contribute to the mortgage by paying rent, the reason being is that all her disposable income will go straight into savings and be used to put into the new house. She doesn't want to contribute to the mortgage because she won't be named on it so if anything were to happen to her DP she would need to leave and ultimately she has reduced someone else's debt with no benefit to her. Similarly if they were to split up she will have reduced her DP's mortgage debt and be entitled to nothing.

Her and her DP have spoken about this and whilst he agrees that this is the most sensible thing to do he keeps giving her the occasional dig, i don't think hes serious, but a lot of serious things are said in jest! saying things like "well you could swan off after a year of free rent with your savings" - obviously she wouldn't do this, unless the relationship broke down but she's concerned that it will start to become an issue the longer she is there.

She has asked me if its the right thing to do and I am biased because she's my sister and because this happened to me - I moved in with an ex, paid rent which reduced his mortgage so that when we bought our next house we would have had more of a deposit, but the relationship broke down and he ended up with approximately 20k reduced off his mortgage just from my contribution and I walked away with nothing.

So has anyone been in this situation? What did you do?

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 04/09/2018 15:14

I also think they should move to joint finances now they are living together, with a joint account and their own seperate accounts. She should then contribute her share of the bills and mortgage and they can save anything left in a joint saving account.

I asssume she is selling because they need her share of the equity for the new purchase also and selling two at once would be a nightmare.

Oliversmumsarmy · 04/09/2018 15:16

Why doesn’t she pay off his mortgage with the proceeds from her house sale in return to being named on the outstanding mortgage and as joint name on the deeds . Then she can help with the mortgage etc and they will still only have one house to sell but with more equity in it

trojanpony · 04/09/2018 15:29

If I were her I’d do exactly the same.

She is being massively “disadvantaged” financially in that she is paying solicitor fees, EA fees and moving costs and coming off the property ladder.
If they break up she will then need to pay solicitor fees, stamp duty and moving costs so even further costs again.

What cost of inconvenience is he facing if they break up? ... none

seventhgonickname · 04/09/2018 16:24

Me and she sold 2 houses to buy one.Mine sold first but we had already started searches,arranged a survey on our new house.Had it gone wrong I would have list out big time as house prices were rising and I paid out solicitors and storage.
I think selling one house before you even looked at others or have decided what kind of house you want and where is madness.
I think she should rent her house out for 6 months and see if they can even live together before selling.These digs would have me being more cautious as it doesn't sound as if he thinks this will last.If he thinks it will then no digs needed at it will all be evened out when he sells.

GOODCAT · 04/09/2018 16:38

Would keep the money separate and not pay more than her share of occupation costs. This is fair in the sense that the money would otherwise have been spent reducing her mortgage.

I did this when my now husband moved in with me before we married. In his case he saved the cost of renting so there was no opportunity cost involved. It still felt fair i.e. then it was my asset, my debt. I didn't feel that he was gaining anything at my expense.

79andnotout · 04/09/2018 17:05

My OH has lived with me for six years and I've never charged him rent/mortgage money, we just split household bills equally. In turn he knows he has no right to the house if we split up (not married, no kids).

If we buy another place together that would change, or if when I come to remortgage next and he wants to get involved he can (his finances weren't straight last time I remortgaged, but they are now).

I've always earned a good bit more than him though, so didn't really mind having sole responsibility for the mortgage. It might be different if it was a struggle.

prh47bridge · 04/09/2018 17:07

if anything were to happen to her DP she would need to leave and ultimately she has reduced someone else's debt with no benefit to her. Similarly if they were to split up she will have reduced her DP's mortgage debt and be entitled to nothing

Her logic falls down at this point.

If anything were to happen to her DP what would happen to her depends on what is in his will and how much life insurance he has. If he has enough life insurance to pay off the mortgage and he leaves the house to her, there would be no need for her to move.

She is definitely wrong about what happens if they split up. If she has repaid some of the mortgage (i.e. reduced the mortgage debt, not just paid the interest) she would have established a claim to at least some of the equity in the house.

he ended up with approximately 20k reduced off his mortgage just from my contribution and I walked away with nothing

Your mistake was to pay rent which allowed him to reduce the mortgage. You would have been better off if you had paid off the mortgage.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 04/09/2018 17:07

She should pay:-

50% of interest on mortgage
Less
50% of equity gain of his house over the year (you can usually get indices that say roughly how much property has gone up (or down! - If it is a negative amount then she will have to pay him)
Less
50% of the cost of selling her property plus the cost of buying an equivalent property

If he then goes on to sell his property then she should reimburse the 50% of “buying equivalent” costs, pay 50% of his selling costs and the two of them should pay 50% each towards the cost of buying a new house.

That is then exactly fair.

amicissimma · 04/09/2018 17:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 05/09/2018 08:11

Mortgage lenders won't always lend on two properties. Mortgages for a property to let (which I suppose the second one would have to be) are different as I understand it.

ferrier · 05/09/2018 08:17

The easy solution is to pay half rent. That way they both lose out equally in the event of a split.

ChasedByBees · 05/09/2018 08:18

If they break up and she needs to buy a new house, then the prices may have risen and she will also have more costs - solicitors, stamp duty etc.

As she would need to absorb those from their joint decision I think not paying rent is fair.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 05/09/2018 09:19

I would be concerned by the digs. He's not viewing her as someone who is saving for their joint future house. It benefits them both in the long run for her to kerp hold 9f that money. She is making sacrifices to be with him - selling her home, which is her security. He isn't losing anything by her moving in. His mortgage will still be the same, so charging her rent is churlish.

In the end, she risks more than him by paying towards his asset. If she leaves him, he hasn't actually lost anything by her having moved in

user1457017537 · 05/09/2018 09:22

Can’t your DS contribute in other ways indirectly towards the household, ie food, shopping, car or transport. Then her partner can stop sniping.

BloodyDisgrace · 05/09/2018 11:41

Yes she is contributing to all the bills as far as i know but it's just the mortgage that she won't be contributing towards

I think she is doing the right thing.

Hopoindown31 · 05/09/2018 13:02

I think others have suggested it but it seems that paying "rent" inti a joint savings account seems reasonable here, but if you want some proper legal protection you will have to see a solicitor.

ittakes2 · 05/09/2018 17:33

She is kind of being a cock lodger! Expecting to live for free! But I am more worried about his digs - its not healthy - if he has an issue he should speak up.

wingsanddreams · 05/09/2018 17:58

I wouldn't give up my own house or even consider continuing a relationship if a man said things like that.

sockunicorn · 05/09/2018 17:58

can they not work out a rent (say £500 a month for example), halve it so £250 goes into a savings account and £250 goes on his mortgage. That was if they break up they walk away with the same amount each?

Lostinlondon999 · 05/09/2018 17:59

She should pay. Regardless whether it’s his mortgage or not she can still be a tenant paying rent.
If she saves all her disposable cash, whilst he’s paying his mortgage then when they buy a new home she would own a higher % of the property than if she were to pay rent.

Lostinlondon999 · 05/09/2018 18:00

The word word mortgage seems to be a frightener. Shall we not rent properties as we are paying our landlords mortgage?

ton181 · 05/09/2018 18:00

She should pay something, where else can you live rent free? Its not her mortgage or financial risk so why should she be entitled to something; its his property.

viques · 05/09/2018 18:22

If she paid all the utilities it would give him some spare money every month but she would be paying her way.

AnoukSpirit · 05/09/2018 18:27

On another note, if he lives within walking distance to school I cannot imagine him wanting to move any further away (at least not while his DC is going to that school).

This was my thought too. I'm sure I remember reading threads by women who've sold up on the promise their partner would too, only he's then decided he won't.

I wouldn't be putting myself in such a vulnerable position, certainly not with a man who's already started making digs like this. How much worse will he be when she's sold her home, is dependent upon him (in terms of a place to live) and he still has the upper hand of owning his home and deciding if/when they move and if she becomes homeless because he's bored of her?

When you get a warning sign, you get a better outcome if you act on it instead of burying your head in the sand and hoping it goes away.

I really hope we don't end up with a follow up thread in the future because she's gone full steam ahead regardless and he's screwed her over or become an ever bigger arsehole once he has the upper hand.

Aridane · 05/09/2018 18:30

I agree with the posters describing her as a female cock lodger (or vagina recliner!)