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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder what the point is?

81 replies

Creeper8 · 03/09/2018 22:32

My child has a home visit from the school on wednesday. He is starting in reception. Ive aleady met the teacher and had already had the induction so I cant understand what the home visit is for? I spoke with my friend who said she didnt have one. Is this normal?

OP posts:

BarnabyBungle · 04/09/2018 14:01

And having this ultra-suspicious and antagonistic attitude to teachers before your child even starts at school doesn’t bode well.

mingebags · 04/09/2018 14:03

I can't see why you wouldn't allow it. You've got a very strange attitude about this and I can't help wondering what you're trying to cover up.

The teacher doesn't want to go snooping around - they have better things to do. It's to foster a good a relationship as possible with your child, but if you don't want that, that's your choice. It's a shame though.

Original poster

Creeper8 · 04/09/2018 14:03

I have two older children at the school never had home visits with them. If everyone I knew was having them aswell then it would be fair enough, but they are not. I dont need a home visit because my child is starting school, It is clear it is to check what kind of background they are from not what their favourite toy is.

OP posts:

Original poster

Creeper8 · 04/09/2018 14:04

Is it a shame for all the other children I know who arent getting home visits? They are obviously a new thing.

OP posts:

BarnabyBungle · 04/09/2018 14:05

They are obviously a new thing.

I had one in 2011 for my son, so not exactly new.

FrenchJunebug · 04/09/2018 14:07

it's normal in my school and a nice way to meet you and your child in a home environment. It's also a chance for you to ask or tell the teacher anything you feel is important. It's not a chance to snoop around. My teacher didn't leave the room.

mingebags · 04/09/2018 14:07

It is a shame for them, yes. But why you wouldn't want to take the chance to give your child the best start to their education possible, I don't know. It doesn't cost you anything, it's not going to hurt you - I just don't see why you wouldn't go along with it. If I'd had the opportunity, I'd have grabbed it with both hands.

And it's a two-way street, you get to see how the teacher is with your child too. I'd definitely urge you to reconsider.

bobstersmum · 04/09/2018 14:08

Has your child got any additional needs or anything? I really very much doubt the school is checking up and I agree with pp that it's a very strange attitude. To be honest if they were checking up, which I'm certain they aren't, then cancelling will only make them more likely to have concerns I would have thought?

PlateOfBiscuits · 04/09/2018 14:15

They are obviously a new thing.
Nope, not at all. Maybe a new thing for your school? Maybe they’ve only just adopted it as good practice.

You sound really over anxious and paranoid about it.

At my DPs school they value them so much they are compulsory - the child doesn’t start school until a home visit has taken place.

Honestly, you’re being way over the top. Home visits are a great way of beginning to forge a bond between the child and school and as a way of seeing the child being their ‘natural’ selves. In very rare cases they show up red flags in home life - but that’s not what they’re for. How is a teacher supposed to pick up on eg abuse in a one off pop in?

Unless you have dog shit on your floor and drugs on your coffee table @creeper8 then you need to get over your paranoia.

mygrandchildrenrock · 04/09/2018 14:16

GetItTogetherPlease has highlighted the real reasons for home visits, it is nothing to do with checking what kind of family home the child has, or judging anyone.
Home visits help children settle in quickly and helps them see the teaching staff as friendly people. We have been doing home visits for almost 30 years. We go in pairs, one person plays with the child and another chats to the parent. We find out what the child particularly likes and then make sure we have those toys/activities out when they start. We do home visits on Inset days.

Original poster

Creeper8 · 04/09/2018 14:22

No no additional needs. I might sound paranoid but thats down to the fact that I just feel judged constantly. I feel judged for being a loan parent so I know I will feel judged in this situation. I said new as I mentioned it to my sister who also never had one and her son is 14. I have nothing to hide but I dont like the assumption that if I dont want a home visit it means I have something to hide, I just dont want one.

OP posts:

AprilLady4 · 04/09/2018 14:29

My DC both had home visits, they are 26 and 23 now, so not a new thing at all. They were done exactly as mygrandchildrenrock describes. Both DC loved them and settled in really quickly at school.

Eliza9917 · 04/09/2018 15:08

They are part of the governments' nanny state takeover OP. And indoctrination of the sheeple.

Home school if you can.

GetItTogetherPlease · 04/09/2018 15:16

I'm a lone parent too so I get the anxiety of feeling judged. But it honestly couldn't be further from the truth.

Like pp said, my school have been doing this in excess of 20 years and it is looked upon very favourably by OFSTED as a lovely, chilled way to start a relationship between teacher and child.

I'd be more worried about being judged by what your child tells their teacher goes on at home than teachers coming to your house 😂 😂😂 The corkers I hear daily!

I'm being lighthearted of course, but my point is that no one will be judging you. Honestly.

GetItTogetherPlease · 04/09/2018 15:17

Oh give over Eliza
What absolute rot.

PlateOfBiscuits · 04/09/2018 15:23

I just dont want one.

As it benefits your son’s start to school could you not just do it?

OutPinked · 04/09/2018 15:25

Honestly I think it would look really, really bad if you cancelled or declined it. It really would look like you had something to hide imo. Not as if the teachers would be able to do anything, it is your choice to have the visit or not but they likely would be keeping an eye out for other safeguarding issues just in case.

It’s normal in many schools now and it’s no biggy at all.

AnoukSpirit · 04/09/2018 15:33

why you wouldn't want to take the chance to give your child the best start to their education possible, I dont know

Exactly. This is not about you, op, it's about your child.

BarnabyBungle · 04/09/2018 15:46

If you’re worried about them judging you..... well, i would imagine they’re more likely to be concerned by a mother who has a problem with letting their child’s teacher go for a perfectly innocent visit (what are they hiding) than a home environment that’s not an idyll of perfection and tranquility.

Pieceofpurplev · 04/09/2018 15:51

DS had one years ago - it's completely normal in all schools here. It's so that pupils see the teacher in their home environment and can show them their things. Helps them see a teacher as less scary and alien to them. DS showed his teacher his Lego and his favourite teddy. When he started school she had notes and was able to direct kids to play with like minded children (DS was with Lego loving kids).
It really helped. I love the concept of people thinking it's snooping etc. Teachers have nothing better to do!

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/09/2018 15:56

well, i would imagine they’re more likely to be concerned by a mother who has a problem with letting their child’s teacher go for a perfectly innocent visit (what are they hiding) than a home environment that’s not an idyll of perfection and tranquility.

Yes, that's just designed to make parents comfortable, isn't it?

I was 'that' parent anyway. When I sent back their Code of Conduct with crossings out.

BarnabyBungle · 04/09/2018 16:27

I was 'that' parent anyway. When I sent back their Code of Conduct with crossings out

If you want to be ‘that parent’, that’s your choice... but the question to me is whether it’s battle worth fighting. Unless the matter is serious and significant, there’s often little to be gained and a lot to lose from ‘making a point’.

Original poster

Creeper8 · 04/09/2018 16:30

Still declining it as I dont think it will make any difference but thanks for everyones opinions.

OP posts:

grasspigeons · 04/09/2018 16:38

I have had two home visits from different schools

One was pointless, the teacher just glanced around the room asked if the child in front of her was the one joining her class, asked if I had any questions and then left.

The second was amazing. The home school link worker talked to me about pastoral care and any concerns I had and the teacher played some games with my child. They were clearly just to break the ice with each other on a one to one basis and prossibly get a feel for if he knew numbers, colours, shapes etc when he was comfortable as a lot of children just clam up in a school environment and you get to the first parent evening before they realise the child can talk.

I totally understand being suspicious about the motives - I was too, particularly after the first experience, but the second one, I felt really worked.

daughterofanarchy · 04/09/2018 17:02

We have a home visit this week- do they have a look around the whole house? If they do I best start cleaning now as the Velcro baby makes it hard to get anything done!

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