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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I hate whatever

29 replies

recklessruby · 03/09/2018 22:31

Is it unreasonable of me to cringe about people replying to perfectly civil questions with an eye roll and "whatever" and a big sigh?
I m not talking about kids. This lady is 40 and my friend. It boils my blood!
Or am I being oversensitve?

OP posts:
IKnowImAGrump · 04/09/2018 07:36

Questions such as what?

elQuintoConyo · 04/09/2018 07:39

That person is a dickhead. Whether you'd want to call them your 'friend' is up to you. It's a mark of disrespect.

My dsis does it frequently to me, has done all her life. It shuts down conversation and is really just a politer term for STFU. So i avoid her, i suggest you do the same with your friend. Sad little bugger.

woollyheart · 04/09/2018 07:56

Does she have any idea that this irritates you so much? Is she doing it to wind you up or is she totally oblivious to the fact that she sounds like an immature teenager.

Original poster
recklessruby · 04/09/2018 08:55

I don't think she realises she's doing it tbh and it annoys me as my dd used to do it when she was 15/16. It just wound me up but obviously teenagers do have annoying ways. I expect an adult to just answer.
Question "Will you be ready for 8 or do you want to leave a bit later?" (We work together and I give her a lift as she can't drive. She pays for half the petrol).
Her "Yeah right whatever".
Me "what's up? "
Her "er like nothing".
Gets in the car and starts chatting like nothing's wrong.
Is it just Me?

OP posts:
DolorestheNewt · 04/09/2018 08:58

DH does a lot of whatevering, but in his case it's when the unspoken subtext is "you're uptight needing to know what time we're leaving, and I'm so laid back that we can just play it all by ear, which makes Me a really easy person and You hard work."

Unless he was the person to start the conversation about what time we need to leave, in which case it's Essential To Be Ready.

We bicker a lot.

Original poster
recklessruby · 04/09/2018 08:59

Btw I work in a school and so does she

OP posts:
ChangerChangerson · 04/09/2018 09:01

Your 'friend' is rude and if you don't need the money I would stop giving lifts.

Original poster
recklessruby · 04/09/2018 09:02

Doloresthenewt she's usually at the last minute and the morning traffic can be horrendous. I like to get in a bit early to get the breathing space and a strong coffee before the daily onslaught.

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 04/09/2018 09:02

I’d just take it she was meaning “whatever is best for you”.

Mrsramsayscat · 04/09/2018 09:04

Horrible. She is childish.

Original poster
recklessruby · 04/09/2018 09:06

Changer I don't need the money. It actually puts me a few miles out of my way every day which is why she helps with petrol. It's a bit of a habit now as I started when her buses were unreliable and sometimes we finish late.
She doesn't like walking alone in the dark evenings (justified as there's a bit of a back story).

OP posts:
ChangerChangerson · 04/09/2018 09:07

I wonder if you can get out the arrangement somehow? Say it's not working for you or hours are changing, exercise class before or after work that means it won't work etc.

Original poster
recklessruby · 04/09/2018 09:12

Jacques she does an eye roll too Confused. When dd used to do that and look up I would say yes ok Em but the answer s not written on the ceiling.
I feel like being sarcastic with friend lol but she's not a stroppy teen.
Btw her family all call each other cunts and bitches just in conversation which I find weird too but none of them do.

OP posts:
Original poster
recklessruby · 04/09/2018 09:14

Changer I would feel a little guilty in the dark winter evenings. Sorry for drip feed but she was once (a long time ago) sexually assaulted on her way home from work.

OP posts:
BloodyDisgrace · 04/09/2018 09:44

Not at all. I think "whatever" is quite a disrespectful response as it basically means "I don't care what you say". Usually, thick careless people use it, the type I strongly dislike.

YolandaTheYeti · 04/09/2018 09:49

Oh she sounds rude! Yanbu.

Allabitmuchisntit · 04/09/2018 10:01

I’ve used a well placed “whatever” before now, when someone has spoken to me in a very, shall we say, unpleasant way.

I am neither thick or careless.

CandidaAlbicans · 04/09/2018 10:08

Ugh, I hate "whatever". To me it says "I can't be arsed with you so I'll shut you down by saying that". As for the eye roll, that really makes me cross. It's like saying "oh god, you're ridiculous, shut up". If a friend of mine rolled her eyes and said "whatever" I'd think she was a disrespectful, immature bitch who didn't like me that much.

MereDintofPandiculation · 04/09/2018 10:46

"whatever" even without the eye roll says to me "that's a really trivial question that I just can't be bothered answering". So, yes I would regard it as rude. I'd understand it from a 16 year old (because anything that matters to an adult is of mind-bending triviality to a 16 year old), but I can't imagine a 40 year old saying it without intending to be offensive.

CoalTit · 04/09/2018 10:56

YWNBU to be feel insulted and indignant, and to make it clear that you're doing your colleague a favour and that you are not responsible for her personal safety.
When my ex tried saying "Whatever" to me I told him I heard it as an indirect way of saying "fuck off". He agreed.

alardi · 04/09/2018 11:00

That's funny, I actually thought this was going to be a moaning thread about all the moaning threads... or all the "I HATE DON'T YOU HATE" threads. It being so very fashionable to slag anything off...

which I'm not very tolerant of.

I'm super good at Whatever & eyerolls, mind. Those are my generation's claim to fame (as I am 50). We were The Best. DC simply can't compete.

CoalTit · 04/09/2018 11:07

That's funny, @Alardi. I'm about your age and I always thought of it as a very teenage, valley-girl thing to do, so it seemed absurd when middle-aged blokes did it, as if they were teenaged girls talking to their mothers.

alardi · 04/09/2018 11:31

Moon Unit Zappa (The original valley girl) is 3 months older than me, 51 now. She goes by Denise now, AFAIK.

alardi · 04/09/2018 11:33

oops... got her birthday slightly wrong, but still, our generation. 100%.
(Wow, only 14 when she made stardom)

Original poster
recklessruby · 04/09/2018 11:34

I don't remember doing "whatever " as a teenager. My speciality was oh. My. God. That. Is. So. Unfair Grin followed by slam door stamp up stairs.

OP posts: