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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be considering taking DD out of nursery after only 4 weeks?

66 replies

Merename · 03/09/2018 22:07

DD is 2.8 months and has just started at nursery 2 afternoons per week. We decided to do this as I’m due baby 2 in a week or so and wanted a bit of space where I could nap with baby etc. However we are really questioning it - first week or two she seemed fine but she’s getting increasingly upset. She’s articulate and tells us through the week how she doesn’t want to go to nursery and how she feels sad being away from me. I also find the staff seem a bit as if ‘going through the motions’ and there isn’t the homely/ stimulating atmosphere I had chosen it for.

But I’m conscious maybe it needs more time, for her to build relationships, and for us to support her with the separation. I don’t want to make a decision based on my anxiety about it. Or we are forcing her to spend time in a place she feels really sad and lonely, how will this affect her, just to get a few hrs peace - DH works part time so I would get help if I took her out and try again when she gets funded hours (next April). What say you experienced MNers?

OP posts:
Original poster
Merename · 03/09/2018 22:57

Also what is preschool? I think that may be an English thing, we are in Scotland. Maybe like a playgroup? Nothing like that round here unfortunately.

OP posts:
nicenewdusters · 03/09/2018 22:59

I agree with Troels . She's still tiny, she wants to be at home with her mum, why wouldn't she? She (they'll) be at nursery/school before you know it. As you don't have to send her why do something that's making her unhappy ?

Original poster
Merename · 03/09/2018 23:02

And yes I hear what people have said about the new baby thing - ideally we would not have started her so close to baby but it was due to various practical factors. We obviously haven’t spoke to her about reason for going being about new baby - but she has asked why she has to go and I find that hard to answer, have just said I thought she would enjoy playing and making new friends. I’m sure there will be pre-baby anxiety in there too which may get worse. Och wee love, its so hard but yes maybe if it’s not improving in the next wk or two we need to just stop it.

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sourpatchkid · 03/09/2018 23:02

Pre school is a nursery within a school

If you find the right childminder it can be lovely, small numbers of kids which makes it easier to make friends and with someone who really cares. My DS has so much fun and they even go on day trips. Fingers crossed for you

Original poster
Merename · 03/09/2018 23:04

Thanks all, I thought maybe I was being overprotective and dealing with kind of inadequate care would be part of what we all have to learn to deal with as parents.

OP posts:
Original poster
Merename · 03/09/2018 23:08

Ah a preschool here is just called a council nursery then. Yeah I would like a childminder now but also worry a bit taking her out of one childcare making her sad and what if that was the same. I’m thinking maybe best just to have her home and try again in April with funded hours when she’ll be 3.3 (like the cold meat Grin)

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PurpleArmy · 03/09/2018 23:09

DH picked her up one day and another child was crying for mum and a comment was made by staff that she was ‘at it’. Sad

On this basis, take her out.

BakedBeans47 · 03/09/2018 23:11

Hmm yeah it doesn’t sound the greatest fit for her.

Are there any playgroup type places? I have a similar age gap to you with my kids and when I was off having the second there was a playgroup they could go to from 2 and a half that was a fiver for 2 hours per morning. It was great. I also kept mine with his childminder one day a week really to keep his space but he’d been going since he was a baby when I went back to work

BakedBeans47 · 03/09/2018 23:12

I am in Scotland too

AnnieAnoniMoose · 03/09/2018 23:13

I’d move her to another nursery, that one sounds less than ideal.

When she asks why she goes, just tell her that it’s to have lots of fun with other children...and big up the painting/playdoh whatever she loves.

Do not say because she’s a big girl now...my friends DD regressed in every aspect so she wasn’t ‘a big girl’ 😫

ThisIsNotMyRealName1 · 03/09/2018 23:16

It sounds like maybe where she is now isn't the right environment for her, and you. She sounds a bright wee spark and is articulating her feelings well, is there another nursery you can try to see whether it is nursery in general or that particular nursery (easier said that done I know)?

KERALA1 · 03/09/2018 23:16

We had exactly same scenario. My biggest parenting regret not binning it sooner. Left it 6 months started somewhere else very happily. Wished I'd listened to dd not other parents banging on about how marvellous nurseries are.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 03/09/2018 23:18

She’s articulate and tells us through the week how she doesn’t want to go to nursery and how she feels sad being away from me

That would be enough for me to listen to her. Nursery really isn't for every child.

Original poster
Merename · 03/09/2018 23:21

@Annie - I try to avoid the big girl chat as don’t think it’s helpful, but DD is so into it - desperate to be a big girl like her cousins and always talking about how big she is. But also tells me she wants to ‘back inside your tummy mummy’...it’s confusing being two.

@Bakedbeans - I’m not aware of any playgroups near me, we’d need to drive a bit and I don’t know if they have a catchment area or anyone can go? Maybe worth looking into for her socialising sake, but if it’s only 2hrs and I had to drive there with baby, it wouldn’t give me much of a break.

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Original poster
Merename · 03/09/2018 23:26

@Thisisnot - I rejected thelocal council nursery when we visited, mainly on seeing a member of staff get quite frustrated with a wee boy. There are others but I’m wary whether nursery is for her right now. In a wider sense I think no wonder staff aren’t top notch when they are paid minimum wage for a profession which should be seen as skilled and inversted in, IMO.

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muddlingalong42 · 04/09/2018 18:30

Having read the updates I'm with others saying take her out. What you've witnessed at the nursery tallies with what DF's saying and it's completely unacceptable to tell a 2 yr old they are making the other children upset. This is not normal or considered ok in a nursery setting.

muddlingalong42 · 04/09/2018 18:30

DD not DF!

TwoOddSocks · 04/09/2018 18:31

It sounds like perhaps the nursery isn't a very nurturing place and also perhaps she isn't going often enough to settle in. Could you try three consecutive mornings or afternoons (choose the time of day she's at her best).

TwoOddSocks · 04/09/2018 18:32

Sorry just read the updates. Definitely ditch the nursery! My DS's nursery would never have had this happen!

TwoOddSocks · 04/09/2018 18:32

Maybe find a nice childminder with similar aged children?

HungryHippoMummy · 04/09/2018 18:42

I'm a massive nursery advocate, my DD is the same age as yours and has been at nursery since 9 months and LOVES it. If you were getting happy vibes from other children and parents at pick up I'd say increase her hours to give her a chance to settle. Bearing in mind what you've said it sounds like just not a nice place. Maybe try a childminder or another nursery? A toddler and baby will be exhausting so if you can find a setting she enjoys that's great for everyone!

Bubblysqueak · 04/09/2018 18:45

In my experience it's usually the children who have few sessions a week who find it difficult as there are such long gaps in-between sessions lots can change for little children eg activities, themes what children are interested in.

Tumbleweed101 · 04/09/2018 18:47

It’s common for children to start happy, then get unsettled for a while and then find their feet and love it.

But you also need to make a judgement on the nursery as a whole and go with that.

MrsSnootyPants2018 · 04/09/2018 18:49

It sounds like she just doesn't like being separated from you. Have you left her before!

If not, then that may be the problem and as horrible as it sounds, you have to leave her at some point in her life. It will be good for her nursery especially in the run up to school.

Stick with it.

PinkHeart5914 · 04/09/2018 18:53

As you don’t need to send her to nursery in order for you work & earn money, I’d take her out!

She will be much happy with Mum & new baby when they arrive. They are only little once you’ll never get this time back