To feel really sad that DD is going to a hotel with her friend instead of bringing her here?

[elasfo]

DD has just turned 18 (1st September). She is in her 2nd year of A-Levels. I have 2 younger DC (11 and 13) but DD has booked into a hotel with her best friend for 2 nights (they're going for a day out tomorrow - hotel tonight and next day). It's also pretty local. I feel a bit sad and like I've failed that she doesn't feel like she can bring her friend here. She has her own bedroom, so no one would disturb her. I'm probably being ridiculous but I can't help feeling like it's partly my fault.

OP, I have to say I agree with you, and would think it strange. I can see that a night away from home in a hotel is fun, but I would be also be hurt that DD doesn't want to bring friends back to ours. I have always tried to make our house as welcoming as possible so kids feel that they can bring friends back. My kids have spent time away on sleepovers at other friends houses (often after parties) or camping but I have never heard of checking in to a hotel. I would also wonder how they would afford it?!

It’s unlikely to be The Ritz. It could be a £25 Travelodge deal for all you know.

In 1977, I started training to be a nurse at the age of 17 and 10 months. In those days we were expected to live in at the hospital as student nurses. There was even a live in warden on site who was a retired (spinster) nurse, just there to keep an eye on us. If a student nurse was unwell with flu or similar and be off sick, the warden would know about it because the ward sister would tell her. She would bring cups of tea, soup and a sandwich.

We all worked very hard, but also had great fun and forged lasting friendships. It was pretty normal for kids to leave home at a young age in the 1970s. My husband joined the army at 16 and moved 300 miles away from his family, to do the basic training, before joining a regiment. He had similar experiences with his mates, many of whom became life long comrades. There was a Padre on site who watched out for the well- being of boy soldiers.

If anything, I think is more difficult than ever before for young people to flee the nest and enjoy some freedom. Don't worry they will be just fine, they probably just want a bit of fun.

I feel a bit sad and like I've failed that she doesn't feel like she can bring her friend here. She has her own bedroom, so no one would disturb her. I'm probably being ridiculous but I can't help feeling like it's partly my fault

It. Is NOT. All. About. You.

You have to stop this.

Has she said she doesn’t want to bring friends home? No. They’ve just planned to do something fun.

The ‘Oh where did I go wrong?’ gets old FAST. Your DD is her own person and her choosing to do xyz is not about you. IF you want a decent adult relationship with her, start seeing her as an independent person. I am DRAINED by my mum who is STILL like that and I’m in my 40’s.

Could it be the friend is actually a girlfriend and that's why they want their own space? Like others have said, just smile through it, it's not a reflection on you.

Couple of friends and me sometimes booked a hotel in the next town 3 miles away when we were 18-20 so we could go out clubbing til 4am and not disrupt anyone when we came home wasn’t anything against our parents made things a bit easier

As others have said it isn’t likely to be about you. Presumably you’ve met her best friend lots of times? And she’s been over to the house. If she never brings any friends over ever then maybe it is about you. But, if this is a one off just dial down the angst and be pleased she’s having fun. I would have loved that at that age.

I agree with a pp to order a bottle of champagne to be in her room on arrival.

It’s an 18 year old adventuring/adulting. I remember those days .

When i was 18 a nice top heels and slap lipstick was asmuch as we dud to get ready to go out.

Now days its hairdressers, MUA, THE outfit and an apartment or hotel afterwards.

Making it much more of an event.

Id just ashume that they want to go all out. No worries about you or respecting the family home.

Ie. After party if they so wish.

Does hotel have spa or salon?