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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel really sad that DD is going to a hotel with her friend instead of bringing her here?

59 replies

elasfo · 03/09/2018 19:58

DD has just turned 18 (1st September). She is in her 2nd year of A-Levels. I have 2 younger DC (11 and 13) but DD has booked into a hotel with her best friend for 2 nights (they're going for a day out tomorrow - hotel tonight and next day). It's also pretty local. I feel a bit sad and like I've failed that she doesn't feel like she can bring her friend here. She has her own bedroom, so no one would disturb her. I'm probably being ridiculous but I can't help feeling like it's partly my fault.

OP posts:
blueskiesandforests · 03/09/2018 20:23

I left for India 3 weeks after my 18th birthday, phoned my mother on the last Sunday of each month and returned to my parents house after turning 19... Fantastic year. Grin

My 13 year old DD went to visit extended family in Croatia without us this year - she was homesick the first night and needed bolstering by phone but then had a whale of a time. Her younger brothers are desperate to go another year, having heard her stories.

YABU - the way to feel about your independent, sociable, presumably happy 18 year old daughter is proud.

Of course in reality you can feel however you feel.

Privately.

Whilst remembering it is as it should be that she's growing up so we'll, and her growing independence is not about you.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 03/09/2018 20:24

Presumably she has had friends over for a sleepover before? How is she paying for the hotel?

My kids are all too tight for that kind of thing and more likely to have mates kipping on our spare mattresses or go camping or to a youth hostel, so it does seem a tad odd.

CoughLaughFart · 03/09/2018 20:26

I think it’s a pretty big leap assuming they’re secretly a couple. It sounds more to me like they want a couple of nights of freedom to drink as much as they like and not worry about what time they’ll get in.

OP - is your daughter going to uni soon? Do you think maybe you’re stressed about the realisation she won’t be under your roof anymore?

Cel982 · 03/09/2018 20:29

A night in a hotel with a friend is a treat. That's all. It is zero reflection on you or your home, there's no reason to take it personally.

SandyY2K · 03/09/2018 20:31

So two girls in a hotel must be gay.Hmm

blueskiesandforests · 03/09/2018 20:32

I was young for my school year so had finished my A levels when I turned 18. In the second year of A levels, and the summer between lower and upper sixth, I did go camping with my best friend several times and always had a blast. We didn't have money for hotels otherwise we might have done that.

I don't think it's odd or means anything - we both had multiple annoying younger siblings, she had very old fashioned parents and I lived in the arse end of nowhere. We were platonic friends and not meeting anyone, but liked to camp near a good pub Grin

We had a great time.

Failing is treating an 18 year old as though they are 15.

sirmione16 · 03/09/2018 20:32

Part of wanting that independence - order her a bottle of bubbly to be waiting at their room, she'll love you

Twotailed · 03/09/2018 20:33

Don’t be hurt, that’s just a really fun opportunity for them to mess about and have fun on their own!

Sandstormbrewing · 03/09/2018 20:34

Another point of view - may she's being considerate. She and friend want to go out, get drunk and not worry about disturbing you guys or you waiting up for them.

I really wouldn't take it personally!

Ignoramusgiganticus · 03/09/2018 20:35

It's an adventure for her. How exciting and special rather than doing the same as she's done for all her life.

bevelino · 03/09/2018 20:39

Don’t take it personally. Your dd is enjoying her new found independence and having fun with her friend without any boundaries.

BlancheM · 03/09/2018 20:45

Nooo, this is just what people do.
Don't personalise it.

VimFuego101 · 03/09/2018 20:47

This would have seemed like a very big treat when I was 18, nothing to do with not wanting to be around parents, just wanting to act like an adult.

Crunched · 03/09/2018 20:47

Surely normal? My DD was 18 in December. We had a meal for family and friends in local restaurant then, she and 3 mates booked into a hotel in our closest city. A 30 minute taxi ride away. They didn't hit the clubs till 1am and got back to the hotel in time for breakfast- well, 6.30am and breakfast service started at 7.
A huge chunk of her friends did the same. I was pleased not to have to be awake to listen out for them.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 03/09/2018 21:22

I think I might feel the same but I would never let her know. Wait till she gets home the day after with lots of exciting things to tell you.

FelicisWolf · 03/09/2018 21:57

They want to go out, get drunk, and come in at whatever time they want rather than having to sneak in at silly o'clock in the morning so as not to be questioned by parents. May want to carry the party on after the bar kicks out which they couldn't do if they were in a house with younger siblings. Completely normal at 18 years old! She will calm down after the novelty of being able to legally drink wears off

slashlover · 03/09/2018 22:24

Why is everyone assuming they're a couple? Confused

I still have the odd night in a hotel as a little treat to myself, a change of environment can make it feel like you're on holiday for a day or two even if it is local.

trojanpony · 03/09/2018 22:33

Ah OP I can hear the sadness in your post.

Do you think she is ashamed of the family home?
Or is it just sadness she is growing up /becoming indecent??

trojanpony · 03/09/2018 22:34

Independent not indecent!
What a typo!? Confused

Alpacanorange · 03/09/2018 22:40

It’s a difficult time as they grow into adults and leave us mums behind somewhat. However our job is to raise adults that are independent, sounds like you are doing a good job.

parkermoppy · 03/09/2018 22:48

I can see why people are saying 'don't assume they're a couple', but when I was 18 this is exactly what I was doing with my secret girlfriend, and my mum would definitely have said 'they're definitely not a couple' so you never know

but other than that, it's nice to get away from home! whether you like it or not, mums and younger siblings are annoying

Idontevencareanymore · 03/09/2018 22:50

Ah a hotel is SUCH a treat! It was one of the only things I absolutely insisted on for my wedding day, a lovely hotel for the night. It was amazing.

Don't be sad op, she's probably worried about disturbing the household.

Louiselouie0890 · 03/09/2018 22:52

Its probably not that she doesn't feel she can. It's probably she doesn't want to in the sense of disturbing you, having young kids around when they wanna be doing fun things keeping to house rules etc. Not really having the freedom.

GabsAlot · 03/09/2018 23:02

eh ive done this when i was yo9nger it was fun larking about getting ready then n going out

who wants to deal with younger siblings theyre just enjoying themselves

Canshopwillshop · 03/09/2018 23:14

YANBU to feel sad. It’s hard letting go but, as others have said, take heart in knowing that you have brought up an independent, confident woman. Not sure why there’s lots of comments about her being in a relationship with her friend - I’ve shared plenty of hotel rooms with girlfriends and I’m not gay. It’s a novelty thing and v exciting for her. Hopefully you can organise something else to do to celebrate her birthday as a family.

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