Asking my neighbour and his visiting lady friend not to shag so loudly at 1am and 5am - aibu to ask you to help me word it?

[lilyheather1]

I'll start this by mentioning that I have zero issue with having this conversation with my neighbour, I don't embarrass easily, but I don't know how to bring it up and get across my frustrations without creating neighbourly tension between us.

So a bit of a back story, a few weeks ago I posted on here about my male neighbour who is occasionally visited by a lady friend, say two nights week. On those nights, they shag SO LOUDLY! If it was just creaking, it would be more livable but we can hear EVERYTHING, moans, dirty talk and the rest, and I'm beginning to feel like an involuntary participant in their late night sessions. The kind people of MN suggested we shout through the wall so they knew just how thin they were, we tried this by shouting "It's so loud!!" but it made zero difference and they then woke us again at 5am.

My DH works in an industry where he works 9 - 5.30 Mon-Fri and often works 14 hour shifts on the weekends too. as such, he NEEDS to sleep far more than I do and I am incredibly pissed off on his behalf.

Don't get me wrong, I think sex is great too, but I think it's so disrespectful to not even try to alter your volume if you're going to go at it in the early hours when you know most people will be asleep.

I'm going to knock on his door tonight and have a word, but I don't know how to say "please stop shagging so loudly" without getting visibly pissed off. I'd like us to have a civil neighbourly relationship and want to make the chat as non-accusatory as I can, whilst still getting across how loud (and frankly fairly grim) it is. How would you word it?

I'll leave mentioning how often his dog barks for another day....

I'd suggest playing something like slayer at an obscene volume as soon as it commences.

And making sex noises at him every time you see him, Harry met Sally style.

So maybe something like "Hello [loud shaggy neighbour] we're being awoken and kept awake by noise coming from your house late at night and early in the morning and I just wanted to ask if you could please make an effort to lower the noise during this time as the sound really travels. Thank you"

Does that sound ok? I'm hoping that'll limit any potential for him to get defensive. If it persists I'll probably speak with him once more and that's when I'll mention making a formal complaint to the lettings agency.

Thank you so much everyone :) You've all been really helpful x

And making sex noises at him every time you see him

Haha I like that one. Preferably in corner shop in front of witnesses.

Tell them.

If it continues? I think I'd get up, knock loudly (on their apartment door) and tell them to shut the fuck up. Yes, loudly.

Yes, that sounds great.

But I'd be surprised if it did the trick, to be perfectly honest...

I think that’s perfect OP. You don’t have to specifically mention sex, he will know exactly what you mean by “noise late at night” and will hopefully be suitably mortified!

What are you going to answer if he says "What noise?"

What thatsmycustard said. He knows and is loving the attention it is bringing. Point it out to him of course, but he will love it. Best just to go straight to the landlord.

Why should it bother her to say "the moaning and shrieking and banging sex noises"?

I second what lilyheather1 said - its a polite way of saying keep it down.

Failing that, we once stayed in a hotel with noisy shaggers next door. Horrible and awkward, especially when had no choice but to listen to it at around 9pm with my fourteen and ten year old daughters, and it was very very blatantly obvious what the noise was, and so loud that even the tv wouldn't drown it. BANG BANG (headboard we presumed) as well as groaning (him) and loud screaming (her). Went on for ages; in the end eldest DD downloaded the sound effect of a very loud enthusiastic round of applause, accompanied by cheers, shouts and wolf whistles. Played it at max volume on laptop placed next to the wall, just as they (appeared to) reach the crucial stage. Result was, peace and quiet for the rest of the stay.

He's the type of bloke who properly fancies himself which is my only concern about how much effort he'll make to alter his behaviour. My aunt who happened to work for the lettings agency he rents through ( she has since left) was the one who showed him the house and he was apparently coming on very strong telling her ho gorgeous she was, what a cracking figure she had and how her replacement would be no where near as pretty as her... bit of a knob really. So we shall see!

I'll update the thread tonight post-chat if anyone would be interested in how it goes.

If they continue doing it after you've asked them to keep the noise down, would you be prepared to knock on their door mid session? And remind them again that you can hear them... if you inconvenience them as much as they are inconveniencing you, it might at least make them think a bit.

I'm reluctant to go straight to the landlord because it might affect us selling the house in the future. It might also make him want to exact his revenge with even louder shagging, if that were possible!

Yes I would very much be prepared to knock on the door mid way through :D

Just bang on the wall loudly when they are in the middle of it. Every time. No need to say anything, they will know you can hear and hopefully be quiet.

I would definitely say something, then if they do it again, bang on the wall and tell them the following morning that you are going to phone the lettings agency. Good luck!

Would this constitute a dispute though? As the dispute in question, would be with the tenant, not the owner, of the neighbouring property. Genuine question.

can you just tell him the walls are very thin, there is no privacy and you cant sleep because of their noise and mention the dog barking definitely.
if he fancys himself much, he might not want to get the hints, you might want to add that you may ask his landlord about soundproofing, etc. so he understands it wont end there.

How did it go?

You have my sympathy OP. A few months ago I was woken up in the middle of the night by my neighbour making very loud sex noises - that kind of “ooh, ooh” thing getting louder and louder. It was incredibly disconcerting and what made it worse was that it also woke up my 11 year old dd, who was rather disturbed by it!

Ooh yes how did it go? I would feel so awkward confronting them!

Actually all went rather well thank goodness! He had no idea we could hear and said he was sorry and that they would keep it down in future, he was fairly embarrassed to be frank! I laid it on a little thick and said the walls were so very thin that we can sometimes hear the neighbour the other side of him... We can't, but I thought it was a good demonstration of how thin the walls are and how quiet he needs to be!

Thank you all so much for your help, you helped me stay concise and to the point 😊

Bang repeatedly on the wall... But importantly make sure that you bang OUT OF TIME with his shagging rhythm. It'll put him off his stroke.

Very good! Well done. Hopefully you have a peaceful night tonight!