To give up night time toilet training 4.5 yr old?

[Lovinglife17]

I am a complete loss as to what to do, my ds 4 and half, is about to start school, and is still in pull ups at night, he has been dry in the day since 2 and a half, he has always been clever and quite forward for his age but this night time training has proved a nightmare.
So we left night time training until he was just over 3 and a half, as i did with my daughter and had no problems with her, i lifted her couple of times a night to start, then once, then she did it herself, so thought id do similar pattern with ds, so we stopped using nappies on ds but when i went to lift him at half 9 ish he was wet, even such a short time after bedtime, so after few days of this we decided pull ups would need to be worn, but after a couple of weeks of lifting him , and reading up we decided he didnt seem ready, we were all knackered, and it wasnt registering with him, as he is such a deep sleeper, so fast forward maybe 5 or 6 months, decide to try again, he has a potty in his room, night light, door open, bathroom next door to him, start similar again lift at half 9, then 2, for couple of weeks, still wet, so add in another lift so doing 9, 12 and 3, still wet, try pull ups off in case he was maybe being lazy, knowing he had them on, but still wet, so 2 months later still no further, apart from exhausted, so give up again, till now, 2 weeks in again, complete loss, getting him up 9 ish, he normally does big wee, then was getting him up at 2, smaller wee, then he gets up at 6, but hes getting up having weed just before waking up, dh has no idea what to do next either, we try limiting drinks by giving water after 5 instead of squash, we keep talking to him about it, he has sticker chart to get a treat, all sorts of tricks, to try bring him on but to no avail, so i dont know if lifting him is just training him to wee in his sleep because he doesnt really wake up, last night i thought id try something different time wise and toiletted him half9 then set my alarm for a bit earlier to get him up for his morning wee, but today he was up at 5.30 so beat me to it, wet through again, pull ups are rubbish! Should i put him back in nappies? as least they hold wee, but feel like were going backwards, do i stop lifting him,? I feel he just isnt ready, but if i stop will we just go backwards? If i do stop are nappies the way forward to stop him being wet all the time? Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated, just feel a failure, thankyou for reading x

You can’t nightime potty train. Dryness at night is not a behavioural thing which can be taught it is due to hormone production. His body is either producing the hormone yet or it is not. Some children don’t produce it until 7.

Lifting to wee durring the night is not recommended at that is teaching it is ok to wee when you are half asleep.

Ive not had this problem myself but from what I’ve read, nighttime training is more dependent on hormones rather than training and it’s very normal to be wet at night until considerably older than your son is.

I’m sure someone will be along soon with more knowledge.

My son was nearly 4 before he was dry during the day but dry at night before then - literally no training required and he’s only ever woken up once to wee at night. It was like a switch flipped.

He’ll only be able to be dry at night when his body is ready and the wee urge actually registers whilst he is asleep, it is not something you can train.

Just leave it OP. My three DC we're all dry in the daytime at age 2, and dry at night at age 6, 2 and 4 respectively!

Night dryness is controlled by hormones which vastly reduce urine production while we sleep. If he's not making enough of the hormone yet, he won't be able to stay dry, it's not something that is learned.

Up until age 8 is within normal range for night wetting. I'd give up until his pull up has the amount of one wee in it in the morning, get the pyjama pants type for bigger kids, they might hold more.

My DS was 6 before he was dry at night. Don't stress about it - he can't help it. Boys are often much slower than girls are, and he seems to be a very heavy sleeper so he just isn't getting the message that his bladder is full .

Stop lifting him - as you say, you are simply training him to wee in his sleep. And don't limit his drinks - that just makes his urine more concentrated and leaves him open to infections.

Just put the pullups on him, don't worry about stickers etc, since he has no control over this. It doesn't matter that he is going to school soon - he's fine during the day so it won't affect him at all. Give yourself - and him - a break and leave it alone. Buy the pullups for older children - they are available for all ages right up to adult so get ones with a bigger capacity . He won't go backwards, his body and brain just need time to get synchronised. Good luck.

My son is 5 and still in pulls ups at night.

This thread has made me feel a lot better.
I've been struggling with my almost 4 yr old DS when it comes to nighttime toilet training. I've reverted back to nappies at bedtime because the so called 'waterproof' fitted sheets all seem to leak through, and pull ups don't keep him dry, but I've been feeling like I was failing by putting nappies back on him after he's been daytime toilet trained for a year now.
At least now I feel less pressure and no it's not that I'm doing anything wrong and that it's nothing to do with him being lazy in his sleep.

You can't night time train... It is about brain maturity not learning. My DD was clean and dry in the day from 2.5 but not night time dry until 5.5. I did nothing except try her without a pull up once every 6 months until my last attempt was successful. She only ever had 1 accident after that and that was when she was very ill. She is now 8.

Agree with PPs. You any train night time. My DD was dry at 3 but DS was much older. 6 or so. It's often much later for boys.

Feel for you OP. I guess you can only do what we did in the daytime, which was to try without nappies and if it didn't work out, pop them back on again and try at some time in the future.

My DS is 5 and still in pull ups at night too.

Thankyou for your replies, very helpful, i shall stop fretting and let nature take its course, xx

Do not try to train him it will not work. It is normal for some children to wet until 9. Normal. You are barking ip the wrongvtree

My DD is 4.4. Dry in the day at 2.10. I thought she should be dry at night by starting school and she was keen to stop wearing nappies at night. We tried twice, both times wet in the middle of the night. Then someone with an older child pointed out: if she's never had a dry nappy in the morning, then she isn't going to be magically dry by not putting a nappy on her!! I'm leaving it till well after she's started school, but I refuse to buy pull-ups as they are so expensive and she will still accept nappies.

I sympathise. Just washing the bedding from a fourth night of wetting the bed in a row. She is almost 7. Out of nappies since 2 but nighttime is simply different. Rewards don’t help- it is not a conscious decision like daytime. We went to the GP when she turned 5 and he said they grow out of it. Still waiting 2 years later... although it is much better. Drink lots during the day (mine is not a drinker amd apparently that means they don’t train their bladder as well) and make sure they go regularly during the day. No fizzy drinks, not too much to drink before bedtime. We don’t use nappies. Brolly sheets are our saviour.

Ds2 is 5.8 and still in pull-ups at night. I know he has no control as when I had to put him to bed already asleep last weekend he wee'd all over the bed the moment I took his pants off.

The GP told us to come back next year for referral as Paediatricians won't see children earlier than age 7 as it's considered within normal range til then.

Until then it's Huggies all the way .

Eric have lots of helpful information and reassurance about nighttime wetting.

Thanks for the link pascha, very enlightening x

Dr said not to limit fluids as it can irritate the bladder and cause more problems , but to stick to water.

We used to go in and wake DS that he was awake enough to walk and then for himself and then back to bed. Often in the morning we had to change the bed and remake it. We did it together so we could chat and he'd grow out of it and know we weren't annoyed.

He grew out of it around 8 which was the earliest Dr would have considered tests. He said it's very common, it runs in families, it's a chemical in the brain, and it's no big deal.

We had about 4 rubber sheets and we still use them (girls now with different leaks).

Lots of good advice and personal stories, has made me feel better that its something beyond my control, bless him tho, all these times of trying, and hes just not ready.
I think there is a fair bit of pressure put on parents with this topic, in fact read a thing super nanny woman had written about kids being in nappies at school age is just lazy parenting, so it kind of hits a nerve, that he isnt dry because im lazy, so to hear other stories makes me feel better, appreciate it, thanks again x

My DS is 11 in November, no day time urinary issues, been day dry since he was just over 3 but has only had one dry night in his life. These are the tips we’ve been given by the consultant:
Do not lift him at night, it teaches the bladder to empty and not store urine.
Only clear fluids for 3 hours before bed and limit fluid intake for the hour before bed
Fizzy drinks and black currant can irritate the bladder so avoid those
Make sure they’re drinking enough during the day so that the bladder stretches- it’s like a balloon so need to stretch it to increase volume.
Have a wee before brushing teeth and then again after to ensure bladder is empty before bed.

But most of all, don’t worry, kids grow out of it eventually

Lazy parenting is children in nappies where they can be taught not to be. This doesn't apply in your case.

I agree with all that has been said here. Children are all different. DD1 has been fully dry at night from two and a half, but regressed badly when DD2 came along when she was 4 (both DDs are adopted, I've spoken about this elsewhere). She was having daytime accidents up to the age of 7, but never wet the bed once.

DD2 on the other hand gave us far fewer problems with daytime potty training (we did start later admittedly), but she wasn't dry at night until three and a half. In fact, she has very occasionally wet the bed since then, at times when she's had a bad dream and is in distress (she's 6 now). It's very occasionally, though, so I'm not sweating about it.

Your DS will be fine at school. No one is going to question you about nighttime dryness.

My son's 5 and I haven't even tried to night train as his nappy/pull-up is so wet in the morning! He's been completely dry during the day since 2.5 so I'm not worried at all about it - it'll happen in its own time!