To give up night time toilet training 4.5 yr old?

[Lovinglife17]

I am a complete loss as to what to do, my ds 4 and half, is about to start school, and is still in pull ups at night, he has been dry in the day since 2 and a half, he has always been clever and quite forward for his age but this night time training has proved a nightmare.
So we left night time training until he was just over 3 and a half, as i did with my daughter and had no problems with her, i lifted her couple of times a night to start, then once, then she did it herself, so thought id do similar pattern with ds, so we stopped using nappies on ds but when i went to lift him at half 9 ish he was wet, even such a short time after bedtime, so after few days of this we decided pull ups would need to be worn, but after a couple of weeks of lifting him , and reading up we decided he didnt seem ready, we were all knackered, and it wasnt registering with him, as he is such a deep sleeper, so fast forward maybe 5 or 6 months, decide to try again, he has a potty in his room, night light, door open, bathroom next door to him, start similar again lift at half 9, then 2, for couple of weeks, still wet, so add in another lift so doing 9, 12 and 3, still wet, try pull ups off in case he was maybe being lazy, knowing he had them on, but still wet, so 2 months later still no further, apart from exhausted, so give up again, till now, 2 weeks in again, complete loss, getting him up 9 ish, he normally does big wee, then was getting him up at 2, smaller wee, then he gets up at 6, but hes getting up having weed just before waking up, dh has no idea what to do next either, we try limiting drinks by giving water after 5 instead of squash, we keep talking to him about it, he has sticker chart to get a treat, all sorts of tricks, to try bring him on but to no avail, so i dont know if lifting him is just training him to wee in his sleep because he doesnt really wake up, last night i thought id try something different time wise and toiletted him half9 then set my alarm for a bit earlier to get him up for his morning wee, but today he was up at 5.30 so beat me to it, wet through again, pull ups are rubbish! Should i put him back in nappies? as least they hold wee, but feel like were going backwards, do i stop lifting him,? I feel he just isnt ready, but if i stop will we just go backwards? If i do stop are nappies the way forward to stop him being wet all the time? Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated, just feel a failure, thankyou for reading x

I've just taken off my nearly 6 yr old night time pull ups because she asked.

Before then she soaked the nappy every night so I didn't even bother training as hormonally she obviously wasn't ready.

Wasn't going to get into lifting her. It's important that they realise when they need to go and wake up.

She's doing ok but still 1 or 2 accidents a week.

I would have kept her in nappies it's only that she asked. Still don't know if she's quite ready but trying to go with the flow and her willingness.

Her twin sister was dry at night as soon as we potty trained her.

They're all different - don't stress xx

Thankyou for your replies, very helpful, i shall stop fretting and let nature take its course, xx

Yes, please stop fretting. You have already put in a massive amount of hard work to try to achieve what is not yet unachievable. Try to relax and accept that your DC is just not ready. I would try and stick with the pull-ups if you can find some bigger ones that will hold what he produces, otherwise, I guess you will have to go back to nappies. Nobody at school will be any the wiser, and he won't be the only one starting who won't yet be dry at night.

Then someone with an older child pointed out: if she's never had a dry nappy in the morning, then she isn't going to be magically dry by not putting a nappy on her!!

Weirdly, that is exactly what happened with DS. His nappies were always wet through in the morning, so it was with great trepidation that I decided to leave them off at night but he was, in fact, magically dry. I think he must have previously just been having a massive pee first thing in the morning.

DS (5.5) still wets at night. Initiated daytime toilet training at 2y5m and quickly got the hang of it. His older sibling was later and longer to train, but dry at night a few months later. Each child is different.

DS will start Beavers in the next few months. I'll let him join in any sleepovers and camps as usual and warn the leaders he uses pull ups. He won't be the first, he won't be the last. It's a shame if children are held back for normal development.

@cochineal7, read the comments above, there is some really good advice and as everyone’s saying, you can’t night time train. The child is ready when they’re ready.

My son's 5 and I haven't even tried to night train as his nappy/pull-up is so wet in the morning!

As per my post above, it really is worth giving leaving off the nappy a try. If it doesn't work, you can always go back to them.

Nighttime dryness is dependent on the release of a hormone to halt urine production at night. It will kick in when it's ready. You can't rush it, and no amount of rewards will help.

Stop lifting him, all you are doing is making him wake partially, and yourself knackered. You are also not making his bladder hold any liquid, which isn't helpful either. Limiting drinks is the same, doesn't encourage the bladder to hold liquid.

I would just stop. What you are doing is not working. It is not abnormal for kids to still be wetting at 7/8

You will.be surprised how many children especially boys are not night dry when they are older . Drs will not refer you to enuresis clinic until they are generally at least 7.

DS was unable to produce the hormone until he was 15 so was on varying doses of desmopressin (medication) which artificially provides it until then.

The best waterproof sheets are from White Company.

Water is the best drink for them to have npt squash,juice or fizzy.

Make sure they drink plenty during the day (preferably at least a litre and a half before 1pm) limit from 6 onwards.

The more dilute the urine is yhe less the bladder feels the needs to expel it.

Lift as you go to bed.

Change sheets, pyjamas etc with minimal fuss and get Dc To help.

(All things the clinic told us).

But know you are not alone.

Even when he went on school residentials the teachers told us we'd be surprised at how many were on similar medication.

Hopefully your child will start producing the hormone a lot earlier but I did want you to be aware.

Definitely just go back to pull ups for a while. My oldest DS was 9 before he was dry at night, and ended up getting an alarm to help which worked really well. I would look for signs of the pull up being dry in the morning, or every now and then (eg school holidays), try a couple of nights without to see how he is. It’s really common, and I think more common in boys.

My ds was 11. I second a lot of he advice previously mentioned.

My DD was dry during the day at 2 and shortly after at night.When she started school she was wet at night again as she was sleeping so soundly it was another year before she was reliably dry again.She had pull ups for sleepovers just in case as did several if her friends.

This is reassuring. My 4 and nearly 7 year old boys both wear pull ups at night. The occasional dry one but not often.

The 6 year old is bothered by it but he's such a bad sleeper I don't want to attempt a night without a pull up and add a wet bed to his reasons'to wake up.

It's a huge budget though

You might get a referral to an neurosis clinic. NICE guidelines seem keener on earlier intervention than most health services can afford.
But basically it's normally hormone production which can be as late as 7, sleeping too deeply or not drinking enough in the day. Drinking more water earlier in the day is an easy one too try at home. I'm sure there are fluid charts

Have the exact same problem with my son, I would urge you to stop now though and let him sleep, they are about to start school and will need all of the energy they can get!

Also at least your son lets you lift him, mine goes like a dead weight then planks and groans when I try to lift him up in sleep. He even grabs onto his pillow!

In terms of pull ups, we use Aldis, I think they are about £2.70 for 20 and they are very good. Although if you are worried do what I do, I check on him about 10pm and if I can feel hes done a big wee I change the pull up and he sleeps through it.

My ds was dry at night from 3.5 yo. Had expected younger dd to be earlier as she was generally an earlier developer....

However she was 5.5 yo before she was. We spent a lot of time and effort trying... lifting before we went to bed etc. all to no avail. In hindsight it was a waste of time and effort.... suddenly one day she just got it.

So I really wouldn’t worry. 4.5 isn’t a concern. He’ll do it when he’s ready.

and just go back to pull ups....

We used to wake ds up when we went to bed,took him down for a wee then he went back to sleep.It helped a lot

@havesomegrace Exactly. I am not saying anything different, just sympathising and saying we are in the same boat. I know very well you can’t nighttime train.