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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to move back in with my parents at 29?

58 replies

brussellsprouting · 02/09/2018 22:45

So to be fair I never thought I'd be considering it but me and dp broke up 6 months ago and I'm fed up of being on my own all the time, I'm also worried about the rent I'm paying it is £1000 per month and I only earn £1600 which was fine when I was only paying half but now I'm paying it all I have hardly anything left over to spend or save. I get on well with my parents and they mentioned in passing I always had a room at home if I wanted one but I haven't lived with them for 5 years so would it be a backwards step? They own their house outright and wouldn't take any rent money from me as long as I was saving it instead - obviously I would contribute to bills and food shop etc. But I mentioned it to someone in my office and they found it hilarious that I would even consider it but I don't know why it is such an issue in England, I have relatives in South Africa and they live in a house with 3 generations as do a lot of other countries, should I just go for it and forget what others think or is it really weird?

OP posts:
Fucksgiven · 02/09/2018 22:48

I'd go home, enjoy being together as adults, lick your wounds, and get back on your feet.

Fink · 02/09/2018 23:00

I moved back in with my parents when ex-h left. I was 30. It was the only option (other than homelessness while I went in the 27 year waiting list for social housing, presumably having my dd taken into care in the process). I don't earn enough to cover rent anywhere within commuting distance of my job.

Despite having done this through necessity, I can absolutely recommend it if you have a good relationship with your parents. I'm still here years later and it's the perfect arrangement. I don't care what anyone thinks about me. I live in a lovely home surrounded by people I love. I'm never lonely, we all contribute to household chores etc., I have personal space (my bedroom) ... there's loads of other advantages related to raising dd in a busy family household rather than on our own, but they don't apply to you so I won't go into it. The only downside is that I can't really have friends round without it impacting on my parents so I do that very rarely: I tend not to entertain at home, can't have friends over to stay etc. If I were interested in dating it would probably impact on that too. That would depend on family dynamics, maybe it wouldn't be an issue for you.

Racecardriver · 02/09/2018 23:01

So you could basically save 10k in one year easily? Absolutely do it then buy a house with help to buy.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/09/2018 23:04

Move back in with your parents, repay their kindness by doing housework, cooking, etc, and save up your money so you can purchase your own home.

ThinkingCat · 02/09/2018 23:12

You could do but it might create a few tensions.
There are other ideas:
Move and rent somewhere cheaper
Get a lodger
Find a house share
Ask a friend if they would like to either share with you or rent a different place together

LellyMcKelly · 02/09/2018 23:16

Lots of people your age have moved in and out with parents since they’ve left home. Move home, with a plan for saving and moving out again. There is no point in staying where you are, and your parents will hate the thought of you struggling.

GreyGardens88 · 02/09/2018 23:19

Paying £1000 in rent from £1600 salary is insane, only a mug would be doing that, I'd be straight home in a shot

FatherDickByrne1 · 02/09/2018 23:19

If your parents live close to your work and are happy for you to stay, I would do it and save for while. Do your share re cooking, bills and cleaning and work around it in terms of socialising and dating. This could really give you a leg up on the property ladder

StillMedusa · 02/09/2018 23:29

Go home :)
I have adult children and currently have three (plus a girlfriend) living back with us,... one came home after a break up like yourself, one is saving for a visa as his girlfriend is Aussie and only has one more year with us. One is disabled.
They all contribute a very small amount as rent, they have their own rooms and we love having them around..they all work and do their own thing but we are a very relaxed and happy family... my eldest lives a long way away and I miss her!
DD2 NEEDED to be home with her family around her after a horrible break up, and she had lived away for 5 years... there is nothing wrong with living with those who love you!

Mari50 · 02/09/2018 23:31

It’s not weird.
I moved back to my parents when I was 31 for a couple of years post divorce. I have a few friends who have moved back in with their parents over the years as well.
If your relationship with your parents is good I can’t see any reason why not. I do think it’s very relationship dependent though as I have other friends who would rather cut their own arm off than go back to their parents ....

Sistersister7 · 02/09/2018 23:43

Myself (32) and wee boy (3) have moved back in with my mum and dad after selling our house and not finding anywhere else to stay in the area we want. Husband (40) moved back to his parents as can't stay at my parents due to cat allergy (his parents stay too far away from DS nursery so not feasible to all stay there) It's honestly the best thing ever, and we had our own place for 7 years. They don't take any rent, and are happy to have the company. I pay their kindness by doing ironing, washing cleaning making dinners etc. Ignore what other people say and do what's best for you. I bet your parents would be over the moon to have you back Smile

IdahoJones · 02/09/2018 23:48

Oh please go 'home' and save up, and ignore the twat at work.

They're jealous probably. Don't tell them anything again.

Ethylred · 03/09/2018 01:30

If ever DD wanted to move back she would be welcome and I would be thrilled.

TroubledLichen · 03/09/2018 01:51

Unless you can drastically cut the amount of money you’re spending on rent and/or increase you income I don’t think you have a choice. £1000 a month in rent when you only earn £1600 is not even close to affordable. By most definitions you’d probably be classed as living in poverty. Ignore the twat at work, you need to do what’s best for you right now. And it won’t be forever. Good luck saving up Smile

Cloglover · 03/09/2018 01:59

Your colleague is a fool. If you get on with them - do it. They have offered so they want you to. You will save £12,000 in a year. It's win win. Hand in your notice and start living again! X

SleepingStandingUp · 03/09/2018 02:09

Your colleague is basing it on his relationship with his parents and his own imagination of it stifling his life. You know your parents and if it will work or not.

I also weirdly think there's more stigma about adult men returning "home" than women.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 03/09/2018 02:32

If you all get along and they're happy to have you, it makes complete sense. I expect they'll enjoy having you there, you can help them out around the house and also build up your savings.

The only drawback I've heard about from a friend who briefly moved back in with her parent aged 30 (she'd gone back to retrain for a new career and was job-hunting) was that her Dad started treating her like a teenager again, wanting to know where she was going, who with and what time she'd be home, etc. It was weird after several years of independent living!

Luckily she found a new job in a few months and got her own place again. Smile

delphguelph · 03/09/2018 02:46

Er, I'd be home again in a heartbeat!

Home cooked food, etc, love it!

And you can save too 🎉

CatchingACold · 03/09/2018 03:38

Do they actually want you back?
Have you specifically asked them?

29 is quite old to be moving back. Mine both came home after uni to save for a deposit but no way would I want them returning at 29.

Have you considered how it would’ve impede on their lives? We have a number of friends pushed into saying yes but they can no longer swing from the lampshades etc

I think it is quite selfish to ask, of course they will say yes but who wants to be roomies with a 29 year old in their 50s or 60s.

CatchingACold · 03/09/2018 03:39

You should be looking for a shared room in a house with people of your own age.

ReasonableLlama · 03/09/2018 04:14

100% move back.

I assume they won't mind seeing as they mentioned it. I'd love to move back with my parents.

The amount you would save is amazing. My sister moved back with my parents and has shitloads in savings - I'm so jealous

MissedTheBoatAgain · 03/09/2018 04:24

To OP

Many your age live with parents. Houses prices are beyond the reach of many of today's younger generation.

That you are prepared to help around the house and pay towards bills is good. Many youngsters think they should live with parents for free and some parents seem to let them get away with it.

Only downside I can see is you you meet another partner. Will your parents accept you inviting them to their house? Maybe you need to discuss beforehand?

moredoll · 03/09/2018 04:28

Move back in. Make some kind of contribution eg cooking and cleaning, and pay your share of the bills. It's madness to pay that kind of rent if you get on well with your parents.

JumblieGirl · 03/09/2018 05:34

Mine still live at home at 24 and 28, it works well as a four adult household. That’s the key though, it’s a different relationship to how we lived and functioned as a home with dependent children. More sharing of responsibilities, more equal.

HopelessWanderer · 03/09/2018 05:45

It depends if they'll have you back, as some parents once the DC have flown the nest, they want their freedom, they don't want to have to essentially go back to parenting again.

Some DC never move out as they've got it so cushy at home. It wasn't an option for me as my parents said at my age (40's) I should be self sufficient which I do get.

Would you be planning on saving to buy somewhere. If there was a purpose like that it'd make sense. If it was solely to save on rent you might find yourself stuck in limbo till you find a place cheaper / another partner to move in with.

Best of luck whatever you decide.

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