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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to move back in with my parents at 29?

58 replies

brussellsprouting · 02/09/2018 22:45

So to be fair I never thought I'd be considering it but me and dp broke up 6 months ago and I'm fed up of being on my own all the time, I'm also worried about the rent I'm paying it is £1000 per month and I only earn £1600 which was fine when I was only paying half but now I'm paying it all I have hardly anything left over to spend or save. I get on well with my parents and they mentioned in passing I always had a room at home if I wanted one but I haven't lived with them for 5 years so would it be a backwards step? They own their house outright and wouldn't take any rent money from me as long as I was saving it instead - obviously I would contribute to bills and food shop etc. But I mentioned it to someone in my office and they found it hilarious that I would even consider it but I don't know why it is such an issue in England, I have relatives in South Africa and they live in a house with 3 generations as do a lot of other countries, should I just go for it and forget what others think or is it really weird?

OP posts:

Mintylicious · 03/09/2018 05:53

If it helps you save money, and you actually do and don’t just spend it and get used to spending more than you have (not meaning to be patronising; i’m just hopeless with money myself!), why not?? Loads of people do the same thing. It’s practical.

And if you know it’s fairly short term, you can see it as a good opportunity to spend lots of time with your parents whilst you still have them and they are both still well.

DameJulie · 03/09/2018 05:54

29 is quite old to be moving back

It really isn't. When I was in my 20s (1980s) it was quite common for people to live at home well into their 20s. Most people didn't go to "uni" so would leave school, get a job and pay keep. I was an exception as I moved abroad for work but my DB and DS stayed home til they moved in with partner/got married. It was a huge help in saving a deposit for a house. It's becoming increasingly common again now.

Go home, OP,

MargaretDribble · 03/09/2018 06:06

Our DD moved back in with us at 40, for health reasons. She has her own space (bedroom with ensuite and small sitting room) and she just contributes to food and bills as the OP would. So far so good. We don't behave like parents and child, we behave like adults living in the same house.
I think it can work well as long as you get on. I don't think anyone has told her she is mad. Maybe the person who made the derogatory comments doesn't get on with their parents the way the op does.

user1471426142 · 03/09/2018 06:19

Move back but only if you and your parents can discuss it properly before you do. Will you do joint food shops, what will happen if you meet a new partner, will you be able to come and go as you please, are there things that they would want you to do and vice versa to avoid annoying each other etc? I’ve seen it work well and seen it being a disaster. Where it’s gone badly has been because the parent -child relationship has not moved on and the parents still treat their adult children like 16 year olds- or in some cases the adult children act like 16 year olds.

SandysMam · 03/09/2018 06:19

My mum died when I was quite young, I would give anything to be able to spend time with her as an adult, just dossing about at home without any teenage angst to get in the way.
Move back home, save a packet to get you back on your feet (if you can, save 1k a month) and enjoy spending time with your parents. Just make sure you pull your weight and appreciate the gesture.
Fuck what everyone else says, there are plenty of 29 year olds that haven’t even moved out yet.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 03/09/2018 06:30

Go back ! And save up
It’s nit wierd it’s sensible

Agree some ground rules though to avoid future Friction

WhiteDust · 03/09/2018 06:34

Move back!
You're tired of being on your own & you're paying stupid rent.

I don't know why anyone in their right mind would say that moving in with parents is odd!
Fast forward to 50 something and it's quite common for older parents to live with their DC. They're your family & you can do what you like!

So many young people house share with strangers or rent off friends.
If you have a good relationship with your parents then why not with them?

MeyMary · 03/09/2018 06:47

I came back home for about a year after I broke up with my boyfriend.

I personally enjoyed it immensely
I got to spend time with my family, had less family orienting responsibilities than previously (probably because I was working, paying housekeeping money and not a doormat anymore ), had the chance to connect on a more adult level with my two younger siblings and also my parents...

I'd do it in your case :
Seems like a smart decision from a financial point of view and from a social one as well. :)

MeyMary · 03/09/2018 06:47

*had less family orienting oriented

BitchQueen90 · 03/09/2018 06:52

I'd do it. My friend is 28 and moved back home a couple of years ago after her landlord sold her private rented flat. She's saving to buy.

RollaCola84 · 03/09/2018 06:59

You should be looking for a shared room in a house with people of your own age

So you can have all the downsides of not having your own place with the added benefit of it being total randoms rather than you're own loving family ??

Your financials sound unsustainable and you don't like being there alone, go home for a bit, get yourself back on your feet and ignore the work twat. If they ask what you decided to do say it's private.

strawberrisc · 03/09/2018 07:00

I adore my parents but moving back after my divorce was stifling. If I went out for a drink after work my Mum would be fuming when I got in saying she’d made my tea (didn’t ask her to). She would take clothes from my room and moan that I hadn’t washed them (didn’t ask her to) etc.

peachypetite · 03/09/2018 07:02

Move home and save save save.

SpiritedLondon · 03/09/2018 07:04

My sister moved back at around this age ( with her DD) and although it was only meant to be for 6 months it ended up being for a year. I would say the main problem was that all parties reverted to traditional parent / child roles which became a problem. My sister worked full time and then became used to coming home and having a meal ready for her... she even became a bit stroppy that it wasn’t diet friendly at times. She also spent money on things that were arguably a bit ridiculous that my DM struggled with ( eg a horse box). Ultimately she got very comfortable being at home and being looked after. My DM probably didn’t help as although she would moan to me she didn’t tackle it with my DSis at the time and would still be doing her ironing etc for her. So, move home but be aware of the purpose and discuss how the practicalities will work in your day to day life. Have an end goal.

treeinthedistance · 03/09/2018 07:09

I just moved back in with parents 4 weeks ago due to a debilitating health issue and am a similar age to you OP. I think it's going to be a massive help to get me back on my feet after a difficult period and my parents couldn't be more pleased. Do it, don't worry about what anyone at work says! Your circumstances are nothing to do with them.

user1457017537 · 03/09/2018 07:09

Am I the only one laughing about getting rid of the husband, and not the cat, as the husband has allergies

puzzledlady · 03/09/2018 07:10

My mother would probably bend over backwards to have me and my family come back to live at home - if you have a good relationship, I don’t see the issue.

Mayra1367 · 03/09/2018 07:10

As a parent of older children I would have no problem if they needed to move home . I’d be very happy to help the only condition being they save the money they’re not paying in rent .

MeyMary · 03/09/2018 07:12

@user1457017537

Not if the cat was first.

Or a particularly adorable cat. which they all are...

Blankscreen · 03/09/2018 07:15

I would love very back. You can always move out againt if it's awful but you can try it.

How else are you going to ever save a deposit to buy somewhere or actually afford to live.

Theresnodisneyending · 03/09/2018 07:26

29 is quite old to be moving back. Mine both came home after uni to save for a deposit but no way would I want them returning at 29

Well, aren't you lucky life hasn't shat on them enough that they need help from you.

Move back home, OP. It's a sensible move to help you save (as long as they're ok with having you home, of course). Ignore those who "laugh" about it like your colleague - there's an opinion among some in society that it's seen as a "failure", but life happens, and sometimes this is just what we have to do to keep going (my own mum was deeply ashamed at having to move back in with her elderly mother when everything in her life went to shit; fiance died, she went bankrupted, lost everything, so she had to sleep on a sofa for two years before moving in with a friend finally. One of my good friend's has had to move back in with his parents due to being thrown out of his own home. My sibling has had to live with our mum for the past 10 years whilst he saves desperately for a deposit). These things happen, What would be worse is if you struggled along with no hope of saving on your own in your own place.

Theresnodisneyending · 03/09/2018 07:27

As a parent of older children I would have no problem if they needed to move home . I’d be very happy to help the only condition being they save the money they’re not paying in rent

You're a good mum/dad x

MeyMary · 03/09/2018 07:29

Could you sublet your old apartment? (Especially if it's in a desirable area, good value etc? )

That way you could move back easily if you realise that living with your parents isn't working for you (or them)...

scaryteacher · 03/09/2018 07:33

My soil has had to move back with her parents after a marriage break up. She is mid 50s....

BolleauxtoBankers · 03/09/2018 07:33

Go for it, OP. If you're sure your parents will welcome you and you agree beforehand on the terms of your stay, I think it's a great idea. As a PP said, as long as you are all happy to be adults together, it's much better to live with people you know well and get on well with, than sharing with unknowns or paying a fortune for rent to live on your own. Necessity means a lot more people are having to stay at home or move back home these days. I just wish circumstances were such that our child could, I'd welcome her with open arms, I miss her dreadfully (though it's a bit different for me as we live on different continents).

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