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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that XH should do the transfer?

48 replies

Doughtyball · 02/09/2018 19:37

Namechanged but regular user. In our divorce consent order it states that he has to transfer the equity in the former marital home to me and I have to transfer my share in the holiday home to him. Costs for both transfers to be aggregated and split 50/50.

So I arranged to move the mortgage for the FMH into my sole name, engaged conveyancing solicitors, kept him in the loop throughout and paid all the fees. He signed the transfer letters and returned them in good time.

Because I have done all this whilst working full time and parenting our child alone I said that I would leave him to arrange the transfer of the holiday home and I would sign whatever was required.

He is furious about this and states that the consent order "specified" that I have to arrange it and that he doesn't have to do anything.

AIBU to request that he arrange "my" transfer in the same way that I arranged "his"? I can't get my head around the fact that there are two transfers and I am somehow on the hook for arranging both.

So as not to drip feed I do also worry that he will not refund me his 50% of costs were I to pay them upfront.

OP posts:
LemonSqueezy0 · 02/09/2018 19:43

Can you afford to sit tight until he gets around to it? He obviously considers it 'wife work' and another way to control you.

Decide what's best for you. Either arrange it and be done or sit back and wait and make him take responsibility.

Original poster
Doughtyball · 03/09/2018 09:40

@LemonSqueezy0 yes I can as it makes no difference to me except he says that if I don't do it he will "go back to the drawing board" and re-split the pot. That threat always worked before because he knew I was desperate to keep the home to bring our daughter up. Once the consent order is sealed though he can't can he? I suppose he could take me to court to force me to do it but I'm not refusing to transfer, just to make the arrangements (the house is abroad and it will be complex and time consuming and I just don't have the bandwidth for it)

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 03/09/2018 09:44

Being DEvils Advocate here the problem is you did the one that was easier (his transfer) and are now leaving the complex and time consuming one to him (your transfer)

I see you did the house one as you wanted it done so you got the house

MsHomeSlice · 03/09/2018 09:51

just tell him you are doing it, and wait till you have the time.... he's not going to know is he?

Make a start and let it dangle....

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 03/09/2018 09:54

Quartz2208 That doesn’t make any sense why would one be more complicated than the other?

He’s just being a contrary bastard because he can. If it’s not causing issues I’d just email once a week until it does then go back to court. Easy for me to say though I’m sure!

TeeBee · 03/09/2018 09:54

If it was me, I'd do it so I could then happily get rid of him and the stress he seems to be causing you. I wouldn't want it hanging over my head. No, its not fair, and he is a lazy wanker, but it will help YOUR peace of mind and you will be free of him.

redastherose · 03/09/2018 09:58

It's his problem to sort out unless it specifically states in the consent order (and I'd bet it doesn't) that you were to arrange both. All you have to do is sign the paperwork when sent by his lawyer. Also, when you are sent the paperwork to sign, if he hasn't paid his half share of the conveyancing fees for the transfer of the family home then make his lawyer/advocate undertake to deduct your half share of the fees for the holiday home from that sum and pay you the difference if that one was cheaper (or you pay them the difference directly so it's all logged). Your conveyancer will be used to dealing with these sort of transactions so it's nothing unusual.

Havaina · 03/09/2018 10:02

just tell him you are doing it, and wait till you have the time.... he's not going to know is he?

Don't do this, as you will be on the hook to do it then.

Do you still have a solicitor? Could you ask them who is responsible for this?

If it's not you, write him a letter saying you have managed the transfer of the FMH, engaged conveyancing solicitors, kept him in the loop throughout and paid all the fees, and it is up to him to manage the transfer for the holiday home. Say that you will sign any correspondence in a timely manner.

Has he pad you 50% of costs for transfer of the FMH?

LivingTheVieDaLoca · 03/09/2018 10:06

If it were me, I’d do it to get it done & get shot of him. It’s not fair but then what is when dealing with useless blokes - grrr, bitter experience!

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 03/09/2018 10:24

If it is the money you are concerned about can you get an estimated cost and say that you will start the process once he has transferred X amount into your account. I agree it shouldn't fall to you but might be worth it to be rid of him.

Havaina · 03/09/2018 10:24

Living OP doubts ex will pay her 50% of costs if she does it, so it's better to let him do it.

Also they have a DD together so she's has to deal with him anyway.

Juells · 03/09/2018 10:25

I'd do it just to get rid of him. I'd draw it out and take my time. Also, I'd look for reimbursement of 50% of the fees you've paid already, to be paid before you start on the transfer of the holiday home. And reimbursement of 50% of every bill you pay as you pay it for the HH transfer.

The things he can use as weapons against you are reducing in number. Grit your teeth and get rid of him and his pettiness.

Gersemi · 03/09/2018 10:28

Can't you just put the holiday home transfer into the hands of solicitors and leave them to get on with it? If there's any work involved like filling in forms about the house, send it to him and point out that the transfer won't happen till he's done it. That way he can't complain that you aren't complying with the order.

Has he repaid his half of the legal fees incurred to date? If not, I would definitely tell him that nothing will happen till he has done that.

MrsStrowman · 03/09/2018 10:29

Can you Bill him for his half of the fees incurred in the first transfer plus the amount it will cost him for the second, and say you will go ahead and organise once you've received the money. Yes he should do it but it might just be easier and get it done if you do, just make sure you get the money in advance

Joyousjobhunt · 03/09/2018 10:41

So you

I don't see any issue you've not caused yourself. You shouldn't have done what you weren't meant to do if you were going to complain about it or had any thought he might not pay up for the cost.

Ask him for the money and then do your part as you were supposed to.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 03/09/2018 10:46

So does that mean that currently you own the FMH outright now, and still own 50% of the holiday home?
Surely it's in his interest to sort it out?

Havaina · 03/09/2018 10:47

joyous what the actual fuck are you on about? Are you the OP's twatty ex?

fuzzywuzzy · 03/09/2018 10:51

email him and tell him you will sign the transfer papers for the holiday home as soon as you receive them, and tell him you haven't received them yet.

Keep double checking with him saying haven't received transfer documents yet, once in a while.

I would not pay the costs for both transfers as you wont have any come back once you've paid for everything, and going back to court will be time consuming and expensive and not worth the costs.

WineAndTiramisu · 03/09/2018 10:55

If he wants the holiday home he'll have to sort out the transfer! I'd just email him every so often saying you've not received the paperwork and leave it at that. It's no skin off your nose if he doesn't do it!

Merryoldgoat · 03/09/2018 10:58

Just do it and get rid of him - why wouldn’t you?

Hereward1332 · 03/09/2018 10:58

Have you included the cost of your time into the pot? It's not zero. If he won't do half the work, he has to pay someone else to.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 03/09/2018 11:01

I’m surprised he’s been such an idiot and signed the FMH over to you without the HH being signed over at the same time. More fool him.

I would say you did the wrong transfer tbh, HE should have done the FMH as he was the one ‘passing’ it to you. However, in your situation I think you did the best thing, I’m glad it went through and it’s now in your name.

I would simply say ‘I’m not engaging any further on this until you have paid your 50% of the transfer I have completed £xxx’

Technically I’d say the HH trf is your responsibility as you are signing it over to him...but until he’s paid his share for the first one he could definitely whistle. Then, unless he has anything else ‘over’ you I’d tell him when he’s sorted out the paperwork you’ll be happy to sign it. 🤷🏻‍♀️ If he wants 100% of the HH he will have to shift his arse and sort it out won’t he.

He CANNOT re sort ‘the pot’ now, it’s a done deal. He would look like a complete tit if he even went to his solicitor, let alone a court to wail that you only did one of the transfers... he’s a controlOMG bully who is slowly finding out he’s losing leverage.

Keep asking if you’re not sure about stuff, but you can probably confidently assume 99% of what comes out of his mouth is bullshit

AnnieAnoniMoose · 03/09/2018 11:04

Just do it and get rid of him - why wouldn’t you?

Why should she? HE wants her share of the HH, HE needs to spend the time sorting out the paperwork. WTAF should she spend time and money to give him her share of the HH?

AjasLipstick · 03/09/2018 11:08

Hang tight! Flannel him.

"Oh yes...I can do it. I just need to wait until work calms down a bit."

"Oh sorry about the delay...been busy but I'll get to it!"

Eventually he will do it himself.

Merryoldgoat · 03/09/2018 11:16

Why should she? HE wants her share of the HH, HE needs to spend the time sorting out the paperwork. WTAF should she spend time and money to give him her share of the HH?

So much time is spent in shitty relationships trying to get the upper hand, keep the moral high ground or trying to make the other person take responsibility.

Surely the best thing PERSONALLY is to tie up all the loose ends as quickly as possible and get the shit out of your life?

I think it’s a small sacrifice for ties to be severed and being able to move on.

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