To think it’s not hard to say thank you.

[ThanklessInSeattle]

I try to be a thoughtful person and think being considerate to the people around you goes a long way.

But increasingly I am noticing how many people don’t say thank you for small acts of kindness. Holding open doors or letting someone get on the bus first, rarely a thank you. Yesterday at the gym I got a few mats and handed them out, people just took them with no acknowledgement. Put a few birthday cards in the post to friends (not close enough for gift giving so we just do cards). Not a mention.

I don’t expect anyone to prostrate themselves before me in gratitude. But am I being unreasonable to think these things warrant a brief “thanks!”? I’m only 36 so not coming at this from a very old fashioned perspective, but it really seems like we don’t value etiquette and gratitude any more.

It costs nothing to say, "Thank you". I agree with you.

I agree completely, we were in the shop the other day and the man in front of us dropped some money so my son went to pick it up for him and he told him to "leave it alone you little thief" he's only 7

I try to teach him manners he always says please and thank you - may need the odd reminder sometimes - he holds doors open and is quite a polite boy but it's hard for us to teach them manners when people don't say thank you or acknowledge what they have done

YANBU.

Hate this current entitled attitude of "well the person sending me a a card/doing something kind for me/holding the door" has their own pay off or motivation for doing it so they don't need thanking".

I think people aren't generally teaching their DC to say "thank you" so they don't know any better.

I don’t expect a thank you for sending a birthday card tbh but yes, I agree, manners are very much lacking these days.

I always text to say thanks for a birthday card. I’d say most people don’t though. Not sure if that’s rude or just not really socially expected.

I agree. My DDs are always complimented on their manners, even the toddlers.
Beyond, how terrible. My mum dropped quite a few notes out of her purse a couple of weeks ago and a little girl picked most of them up for her. She let her keep a £10 note for being so kind. The girl was delighted.

I couldn't disagree more with OP and the rest of you. Just don't hold the door open for me. EVER.

What you're really saying is "I NEED TO BE THANKED FOR NOT BEHAVING LIKE AN ARSE" because arse is what you would be to not hold the door, let someone else first on the bus, etc.

Just go with your native instincts and shove past next time. Go on, you know you want to. Don't pretend to be remotely nice. It was never genuine.

Beyond Wow that’s dreadful!

I don’t come from a particularly card giving culture so maybe I don’t get the rules around what is normal with birthday cards in the UK. Personally would always send a quick thank you text, it takes quite a bit of effort and money to choose and post a card and I appreciate the thought. But perhaps it’s not the done thing here?

Yes some people don't say thank you but I don't believe in doing things to receive a thank you either. As long as you feel you are acting in a correct manner, then if you don't get a thank you back that's not your problem it's theirs.

I don’t do these things to receive a thank you. Clearly I continue doing them despite not receiving one. Just think it’s really bad manners and wonder why people don’t say it.

Completely agree.

We’ve just been on holiday and the number of adults who didn’t bother thanking my daughter for holding doors/waiting for them to come through a small space etc was shocking.

Because they're either thoughtless, mind elsewhere or not very self aware. People!

Jacques Yep, the kids I come across are often more polite than the adults.

I agree with you so much. I said to my DH the other day that so many people seem rude and have zero manners. I experience it several times a day. Worst was walking down the pavement and a cyclist speeds down. Just whizzed past whilst I waited in the road. I could have just carried on walking and he would have hit me because ya know? Pavements are for people not bikes. We both would have been seriously injured with the speed he was going

I constantly stand and wait for people to come past and no one ever says thank you. It’s the same whilst driving! It’s got to the point where I just speed-walk through people now. If I’m ‘there first’ I just carry on with what I’m doing and others can wait.

Posted too soon.

I’m not sure that people aren’t teaching their children. I wonder if it is a symptom of an increasingly self obsessed and introspective culture, as well as high density living where we depersonalise others and are more wary of strangers.

Best not to expect a thank you, then if you do get one it's a bonus.

I couldn't agree me, far too many self important people around who seem to think that they are above using basic manners for some reason, or people like the moron above who think they can read minds and have the right to decide that all people only behave with decency in order to receive thanks. Nobody says excuse me any more and a schocking amount of people seem to believe they shouldn't have to, that everyone should all just be lined up like bloody autamatons and never get in their way. Too many people are impatient, ill-tempered and under the impression that they are the most important people in the universe.

I agree that some DC can be very polite, more so than adults. But my "not teaching the children" comment stems from having a large number of godchildren and nieces and nephews to whom I faithfully send rather nice (if I do say so myself!) birthday and Xmas presents every year and how few "thank yous" I get in return. (Not that I am doing it for thank yous mind you, but in my day it was standard practice to phone or write to acknowledge receipt of a present.) Sometimes don't even know if the parcel has arrived or not! But perhaps this is for a different thread!

Chipotle I agree that’s so rude, the parents should be asking the children to acknowledge the gift. If my DC are sent gifts I either take a photo of DC with the present and send it with a message saying “thanks for X, we love it” or get them to make a quick thank you card. But just a quick thank you text would be sufficient!

Absolutely, I'm not expecting two page hand written letters or anything! A quick text or an e-mail would be terrific!

Yanbu Op

And I must admit I get a tad PA about this kind of thing

They get

"Don't mention it"

"Pleasure"

Or

"Be my guest"

All with a lovely smile

And yes I know I'm childish

Martha It can’t be helped at times

With you all the way, OP. Because I'm old and grumpy, if I hold a door for someone and they don't thank me, I now say "You're welcome" very loudly. It completely discombobulates them!

Mazebra, happy to slam door in your face anytime. Hope u enjoy it.