To think DD can't drive to Wales yet (18 and passed her test last month)?

[HaHaItsRosa]

We live in London. DD, has randomly booked this little cabin thing in Wales!? It's for tomorrow. Plans on leaving tonight and staying in a Travelodge or similar and then arriving tomorrow. This is her first ever trip away on her own... she also only drives to work. She starts uni extremely soon and "wanted a peaceful getaway before it starts". I'm a bit hmm. I know she's 18 and she can go on her own and she's obviously no longer my daughter so I shouldn't worry about her no but seriously, I'm really worried. She's a sensible girl, she really is, but Wales!!!! Tell me I'm too involved and she'll be fine.

The one thing I would tell her is to drive ‘positively’, don’t faff, hesitate, panic. If she isn’t sure she’s gone the right way or taken the right exit it doesn’t matter. Just drive the route she’s taken until she can pull over safely. It doesn’t matter if you’ve taken a wrong turn or exit, you can reroute, but faffing can lead to accidents.

Ignore all the imbiciles who don’t understand that not all 18 year olds are drinking, shagging & meeting people off the internet. That some actually enjoy time alone, in scenic places drawing, relaxing and having a soak in a hot tub. She’s not ‘odd’, she’s sounds confident & lovely.

If SHE has saved the money, why are YOU disappointed that SHE’S spending some of it on something SHE wants to do.

You also need to stop with the ‘I don’t understand why she (insert ‘does/wants/goes’) I never did/don’t/wouldnt’. SHE is not YOU. You sound quite timid and sheltered, that’s fine, but don’t impose that on her. She’s your daughter, not some cloned version of you. I’m in my 40’s and my mum still does that, it’s annoying and weird. It’s like she just sees me as an extension of her and not a person in my own right, and you sound just like phew. If you carry on, you’ll drive her away.

2 weeks after passing driving test, 18yo DS bought a car & drove 280 miles home to see us (7 hours). Then drove back the next day. Since then, many 500+ mile journeys including a big chunk of the M25 on many Friday afternoons (sigh). DS has upgraded his phone & uses that as SatNav. He got so delayed by bad traffic one Friday afternoon that he stopped over in a hotel & came up next day, but has now got the drive down to 5 hours. And apparently he's still 9/10 on the black box.

I'd be delighted if DS merely wanted to drive London to Wales after a whole 4 weeks, with a stop, pah. You got thru the stress of teaching her to drive (we didn't have any of that), this should be a doddle in comparison.

Given you can't, realistically, stop her, all you can do is try and make sure she has done all the sensible things - full tank of petrol, check oil, stop whenever she feels she needs to, full battery on phone plus charging cable, credit cards.

Can't help but think that this
I don't know how quiet the M roads are at night, I've never been on one in the dark!

Isn't helping! Is there any reason for this? How have you managed to get to the age of having an 18 year old but never been on a motorway in the dark??

What a wonderful daughter you have. I'm glad she hadn't picked up your nervousness about driving on motorways in the dark - it's really not a problem.
And whether she is or isn't meeting anyone there (fwiw my daughter wouldn't either!) Is not an issue. She's 18, you know where she's gone to. She'll be fine. All part of growing up.

I,would be worried too about the driving of such a long journey so soon after her test for an inexperienced driver

She's going to Birmingham, then she's going to drop down the M50 and on to the "heads of the valley roads" it's a really nice drive if that's her plan. Dual carriageway most of the way with random ass roundabouts every now and again but you just keep going straight.

She will probably go over at Monmouth and cross in to Powys, also a really pleasant easy drive on big A roads.

If that's her route, then she's chosen wisely. It's a lovely scenic drive.

I would also add that they do have hospitals in Wales, as well as the electricity that a PP mentioned! Phone signal may not be great, so DON'T PANIC if you don't hear from her. No news is good news.
Very likely that she will be absolutely fine.
OP, I get that you are concerned. (My DCs are older than yours) You can stay awake all night until she returns, or you can try to unclench a little. The outcome is completely unrelated to whether you are 'concentrating' for her or not - sorry, you are not that powerful!
Where is she going to uni? May I suggest that you let her drive herself there and not go with her? My DS drove himself on his 8 hour trip, and he says it was a significant thing - he transitioned from a schoolboy into independent uni student during that drive, and settled in faster with his tin of cakes (made by me) to share than those whose parents came along (and would not leave)!
Let her break the umbilical cord.

Where in Wales. It’s not so bad getting to Wales. When you see “Welcome to Wales”. You think not so bad. However, it can then go on and on. On the other hand there is nothing so useful as a really long drive when you have not had a great deal of driving experience.

OP I say this kindly, but as you've never travelled on a motorway in the dark, then you are not really able to make an accurate risk assessment, and I can understand why your daughter is determined not to live a similar restricted lifestyle to the one she sees you modelling.

Your daughter is going to uni, she has her own car, of course she is going to travel round the country from city to city to go to gigs, festivals, visit friends, at all times of the day and night, and she needs to learn the skills to do so.

You are unable to teach her those - as you do not have them yourself - so she is going to do it herself.

I think your daughter sounds lovely. Good idea to have a break albeit Birmingham is a bit out of the way. But she gets to have a good rest and see the Welsh countryside in the daylight:)
I sympathise with you - I also really dislike motorway driving and do it exceptionally rarely. Perhaps if I'd started when I was 18 it would hold fewer fears? We've got to take our DD down to Wales this week for uni and I wish I felt more comfortable sharing the driving (but we're going the day after I've done a night shift so I've got a get out of jail card this time)
Lots of good practical advice on here (amongst all the suspicion)
Hope it goes well..will be thinking of you and her this evening
x

Am surprised at all the replies on here.
I have newly passed dc.
We definitely went on the motorway with them before they went off alone.
I wouldn't purposefully set off on a long journey in the evening even now, - much harder to concentrate in the dark. I certainly wouldn't recommend it if you've never driven any distance before.
When my dc went off on their fist long drives, they went with other people - just company. It is easy to lose concentration when doing the boring motorway drive for hours at a time.
My dc (19 + 22 now) do drive all over the country, and do drive in the dark and do drive on their own, and do drive to places they don't know, but I wouldn't have been happy with them combining all 4 of those when it is the first time they are doing all 4.

Oh, and, If she is staying in the centre of Birmingham, she will hit chaos tomorrow morning as they are closing one of the tunnels that goes through the City Centre (and take the traffic back out to the motorway). It will be madness tomorrow as everyone tries to find out how to circumnavigate it.

Why is she no longer your daughter?

I agree with you OP that she’s 18, legally allowed to drive and you have probably prepared her for this her whole life, but actually it’s not just hands off at 18.
You do get to say what you think works or doesn’t work. You can suggest if something is right or not.
True, she decides what she does and it’s her final decision but you still get to provide input on safety and decisions. I don’t think that changes because she’s 18.
Yes it’s her life, but hey you get to be the encouraging supporting act now. If she’s not done motorway driving at this point you are allowed to say “actually I’d prefer you do motorway practise before you go”. She can still say no but you can tell her what you think is a sensible adult decision. Motivate driving requires some practice although yes she can go 65 along the slow lane and keep it simple. It’s also not her bad driving or lack of experience that is the problem. The biggest problem is normally other drivers and her awareness of them. Just my thoughts.

Motorway* not motivate

I come from Wales The majority of the cabins are in Powys which have main roads but very little in the way of motorway so as long as she takes it easy (by sounds of it she's got it all planned) she should be fine. It's a beautiful drive. Hope she has a lovely time. Your must be so proud!

Haven't had time to read the whole thread but just wanted to say that soon after my sister passed her test she wanted to drive a couple of hours to a different town. Her Dad (my step dad) put his foot down and wouldn't allow it. It put her off driving any distance, as she became fearful of whatever unknown thing it was that her dad was worried about. She could never explain it but that initial fire to drive wherever she wanted, whenever she wanted was gone, and it took a good many years for it to return. Just tread carefully OP.

I felt exactly the same once my dd was through her test, you just have to take a deep breath and wave her off!

I drove from Kent to Gloucester a month after passing my test. She will be fine

On a practical note, she should pack painkillers - my right ankle seized up on the journey home through traffic as it just wasn't used to driving for long periods of time. It's okay to stop at every single service station if she wants, or none at all. It sounds blissful!

This issue splits mum right down the middle

I definitely fall in the camp that I’d be worried. I would be pro active though. Either take her for couple of practise runs myself or pay for a private lesson. I’d make sure she had road recovery and a kit in the car if she broke down (reflectors and car phone charger)

I’d also be concerned that my daughter wanted to take herself off alone. Yes, we as busy mothers on call so much relish idea of alone time.

At 18? Not so much. And I’d be concerned about her going to university where solitude and peace isn’t exactly commonplace

Is there a Welsh mumsnetter in the area who your daughter could call upon if the shit hit the fan for some reason???

Your daughter sounds really cool :)

She’ll be fine. Re spending (some of) the money she’s saved: I don’t think it’s a big deal. Worth it for the experience. I hope she has a lovely time!

If she’s using her phone as satnav (the google maps app is really very good) does she have a charger for the phone that plugs into the lighter? If not, get one. You can usually pick them up at garages pretty cheaply.

Birmingham isn’t necessarily out of the way If she’s heading to the north (thinking Newtown way) then it makes sense to go up the M1 and M6 and across the top of Birmingham to the M54.

I don’t think you are BU to worry, of course you’re not, but she’s also not BU to do this! Are you sure she hasn’t driven on the motorway? I know my sister did aaaages before she told my mum, who was similarly nervous about motorway driving and travelling on motorways in the dark.

I find motorways a lot easier than many A roads, which can be a bit more confusing with lots of junctions, short sliproads or no sliproads, slow moving traffic, cyclists etc. I’m another who did a big drive alone just after passing, I was nervous but prepared, ‘practiced’ the junctions I needed on street view and took lots of breaks. She sounds very sensible, especially booking a nights stop on the way!

I imagine it might be a bit of proving to herself that she can be independent and do things on her own, especially if you are a little overprotective normally, as you say. I would wonder about whether she is meeting someone (my mum would have insisted the same as you, but there’s quite a lot she doesn’t know about ) - agree with the posters saying to reiterate that you’re there for her whatever happens.

" Good idea to have a break albeit Birmingham is a bit out of the way."

how is Birmingham "out of the way'" exactly on a drive to Wales?

Trust me I have driven to mid Wales plenty of times, and the most direct way is M1 to Brum, M6 to Telford, then onto Shrewsbury.

I would plan to take a break at Shrewsbury.

I would say 'quickest way' but there is no quick way to Wales...:)

I wouldn't purposefully set off on a long journey in the evening even now You sound a nervous driver. I find so many women who won't drive on motorways, won't drive at night, etc. Its great that this young woman does not feel like that.

In fact motorway night driving is one of the easiest driving experiences you can have.
However, you must have a mobile fone charged up etc an you MUST have AA cover.

She will be OK. Young people are very confident (many of them!) My daughter passed last August, and by April, she had been promoted at work to middle management, and within 3 weeks, she had driven to Edinburgh, Brighton, Norwich, Cardiff, and Manchester. (For meetings and seminars!)

I wouldn't drive to those places, and I have been driving 30 years.

Hope she has a fab time!