To use cry it out?

[Londonlife85]

I feel like giving up, my 11 month old won't sleep (cosleeping atm), im due to go back to work this month and honestly dont think i can cope, im getting to the point that i just want to leave. She wakes up multiple times in the night and i feel like a zombie in the day because i havent slept all night. Can any of you give me tips for getting her in her own bed in her room, i know shes capable of sleeping through as very(!) rarely she will decide to sleep 10 hours. I just want to reassured that it worked for people, i think DP will be doing most of it as i just cant stand hearing her cry

I can totally see why you want to. It's a decision only you can make.

DS was also a terrible sleeper. We did do controlled crying as a last resort (crynitniut was just a step to far for me). It didn't work. 6 hours of it for weeks as we kept being told to persevere.

Night weaning (if you breastfeed) and him being in his own room meant DH could do alternate nights and I wasn't such a zombie.

DS is 2.8 now and just starting to get better with sleep! Though was terrible last night but does have a cold

Crying it out is, I believe, different to controlled crying which means returning every minute (for extended times) to reassure - without picking up. Is crying it out leaving them to cry?

I think CC is a little gentler, but by the time I got to DC number 4 I eventually opted for ‘shush/pat’ which meant spending some hours sat on the floor next to the cot for about three nights.

Whatever you do, you need to stick to it for three or four nights.

I only offer water at night but still she just fusses, and im sure shes not hungry because in the morning she will wait a bit for breakfast, like shes not seeming to want any food straight away

@ooforfoxsakeridesagain es, im on about controlled crying, i wouldn't just leave her in a room crying without checking on her, maybe i could try the shush pat of controlled crying didnt work.

*yes

We did CC around the 7 month mark. I was due to go back to work at 9 months and DD was still on the boob and woke multiple times. It simply wasn’t going to work. I’m sure plenty of MNers will say you have to work at the baby’s pace with this stuff but we did hush/pat at 2 minutes, then 5, then 10....she never took longer than 10 to settle and sleep and after 2-3 nights, bedtime was much calmer.

We did CC and honestly it was one of the best parenting decisions I ever made. We did it with increasing intervals and it worked really well

DS1 is nearly 17 and to this day I remember walking down the street in tears of exhaustion, and decided to do CC that night. It’s hard though.

Crying it out = no.

Controlled crying = yes.

I used CC on my 10 month old as we had a lot of sleep related problems/issues and it worked very successfully.

Do PM me if you want details on how we did it

Leaving a child to cry is cruel and stressful for them. All you're teaching them is that mummy doesn't care enough to comfort them and meet their needs.
Sleep is a developmental milestone and you can't make it happen. It's not something they can learn.
There's lots of science to show CC, CIO and shush pat etc are harmful (they're the same thing essentially) and none to show they're not.
I know it's hard but your child needs you. It's not natural to be out to sleep alone and lots of children don't like it and find it scary.

This is a useful site www.isisonline.org.uk/how_babies_sleep/sleep_training/

Totally agree with Zintox

I started a similar thread recently about the fear of returning to work on so little sleep (DS still wakes up ever 1-2hrs all night) and got some kind advice (and some less kind advice) but ultimately CC is not for us. We’re just going to ride it out. It is torture though and you have my total sympathy x

My DD was always a terrible sleeper. We've never done any sleep training with her, and I'd never even consider crying methods, but just after she turned one she just got so much better on her own, was down to waking once a night and occasionally sleeping through. A couple of months on and she sleeps through every night (and wakes at a far more sensible time!). I know the thought of going back to work is scary on so little sleep, but I found it much more manageable than I thought it would be, even without caffeine.

@zintox i dont mind her sleeping in bed with me if she was sleeping through, i would be fine with that, its just shes not sleeping and i feel like walking out. Im just not coping at all

Sometimes you have to do something to save your own sanity! Do you have a partner who can help when you go back?

I’ve become less bothered about sleep training with each child. DC1 was sleep trained at 7-8 months, DC2 was never really trained but had their own bed, and DC3 sleeps in our bed and at 18months is still bf through the night.

I don’t think I could do sleep training with DC3, but I’ve really thought about it. It just isn’t for us and wouldn’t suit him. Maybe try it for a couple of nights (CC, not CIO) and see how your DC goes with it. If they get themselves into a state then it’s probably not suited to them either!

I personally think you should try putting her in her own room.

She might sleep better in her own bed with her own space and knowing that mum isn't right next to her available for a cuddle every time she wakes up.

Do you breastfeed? As she might be smelling your milk at night.

Since putting both my babies in their own room they sleep much much better.

We coslept with dd until 13 months, then she went onto a single mattress on the floor in her own room as she was being disturbed by DPs snoring. It did improve things a bit, you can cuddle/feed to sleep then easily roll away. And if all else fails there's room for you and DC in their bed so you aren't uncomfortable on the floor/leaning over a cot. This worked for us with no crying, I know how hard it is OP, I have been close to breaking point many many times in the last two years, but you've just got to be kind to yourself and do the best thing for you and your DC whatever that is. I hope something works for you OP

I did CIO. CC did not work with mine, every time I came back, he became new incensed. It was kinda tough for about 5 days but I now have a great sleeper who only wakes up when he is ill or has had a nightmare.
I know that I will probably flamed for doing CIO but to sustain a full time job and my sanity, I needed to have a reasonable sleep.
If you choose to go down this road, be consistent.

I tried controlled crying with DD2 when she was 7 months. Didn’t work and she would get even more upset and shouty when I went in to comfort her. We the tried cry it out when she was about 8 months, and it worked so quickly. She wasn’t crying for hours, more like ten minutes. She just needed to learn to go off without the comfort of me or anyone else. Her sleep is generally now excellent except for illnesses/teething. We started with naps- how are the naps?

I went back to work at 7 months and managed to function with very interrupted sleep.

With DD1, she slept through naturally from three months old, but her sleep went haywire at around a year old, and we did sleep training then which was harder.

It sounds like you’re on the edge Op, do what’s best for you too, you count and need to look after yourself! X

I would try moving her into her own room. A floor bed, as mentioned above, is great for settling them then moving away to get some rest for yourself. I still feed my 14 mo to sleep (in her room) then lay her down on the floor bed. She doesn’t sleep through but generally wakes once or twice which is manageable, and sometimes doesn’t want a feed, just needs me to lay down next to her and give her a little cuddle then she goes off again.
I think CIO is just awful but I do understand that sleep deprivation can leave you feeling quite desperate.

We used the gradual retreat method on our 8 mo old and went from 8–12 wake ups per night to 1–2 from the first day. Much gentler than controlled crying, works faster than ssh pat.

We did controlled crying. She sleeps from 8 till 6 now at 5 months. We put in a little light up ladybug thing and music and she doesn't even cry now she just watches the lights till she falls asleep.

I did a CC approach (i didnt realisei was doing this just following my instinct with it and reading others comments it seems it was CC!) DS is a fab sleeper now at 2 1/2 and is happy to sit playing with his teddies for half an hour or so once we finish story time while he falls asleep, never hear a peep from him and then sleeps through til 7 or 8am. He is a very happy and well attached child so can't have done him any damage...

I couldn’t and wouldn’t do CIO. My twins were truly horrendous sleepers until about 15 months and it was absolutely hideous, but they figured it out without any need for sleep training.

She may want milk - mine definitely still wanted milk in the night at that age. I started it watering down their night time bottles at about 15 months, now they just have water when they wake up (almost 2).

To be fair though she is an easy baby and sleeps well, we never had to do controlled crying where she was crying for more than 30 seconds as we usually pop the dummy back in (we take it out after ten minutes as don't like her sleeping with it in).