To think that some married women on here think they are better than unmarried women?

[malificent7]

After reading the thread about legal rights, marriage and birth certificates I was struck by the patronising way in which some married women spoke to those who are cohabiting or not married.
True married women have better rights but it was the way in which the relationships of unmarried women were dismissed as lesser and these women were being sneered at.

Someone told a woman who had been cohabiting that her relationship meant nothing and that if you are not married you are single.
REALLY? I am not married but I am not single. I don't even live with the guy but why is my relationship seen as less valid? Some married people hate each other and don't have the guts to leave. Some of the best love affairs involve people who live miles apart.
I don't like the fact that I have to put single on a form . Why can I not be in a relationship?

Ok, If you are married you have some legal rights and security that the unmarried have but shouldn't we question this? Why should we make vows especially if you don't believe in the laws of marriage? Also, it was originally a religious ceremony..I don't believe in God and I am not a commodity to be given away by my dad to another male.

Does it lead to stability? My dp is divorced. The marriage vows didn't stop things from falling apart.

Marriage can be a great thing but the tone in the last thread was old fashioned and practically berated women for not managing to get a man to marry them. Surely there has to be other options if you don't believe in marriage ? It is a patriarchal tradition after all to do with male prperty rights. Also, many men want pre nuptuals as they are now wise to gold digging wives.

I think you can have some marriages which have less love than some cohabiting relationships. Why is one type of relationship more valid? I find it all very old fashioned.

Judging by the number of men who don't leave their wives a dime on divorce, I am not convinced by the stability argument.

I don't think I'm better than anyone because I'm married.

But I do have a few friends who were very "we don't need a piece of paper to show our commitment" years ago and now that they have children and finances have become more complex, they are complaining that their DP doesn't want to consider marriage now. So I wonder if they genuinely were uninterested in marriage and have changed their minds, or if they just compromised hoping DP would change his mind. I don't know but can't say I envy them.

Would you like to be married OP? The fact that you have started this thread suggests that you do, or why would you be bothered about other people's relationship status?

The benefits that come with being married 100% shouldn’t be awarded simply after X amount of time.

Forget the religious views but you shouldn’t be financially and legally tied together without making the conscious choice to be!!! We live in a society where it’s VERY clear that nothing should be forced upon anyone who doesn’t want it.

Maybe the government should bring in an alternative to marriage with no religious background, like a civil partnership but honestly...would it make a difference?

In my experience the women who complain that the benefits of marriage should be enforced on themselves and their partner without them choosing it are often women who’s partners don’t want to marry them!! So unlikely to civil partnership then either.

Get a grip either get married or don’t but I have no patience for those who complain that they/ their children are suffering because they don’t have the same rights as a married woman!!! That was on you to secure for yourself and your children.

I was the only girl taught growing up that securing your rights and commitment in a relationship was nessisary before popping out a few children and putting yourself in a financially vulnerable position.

I can’t understand women who stay with men who don’t want to marry them. (unless that’s completely not what the woman wants either in which case you’ve made your decision accept you won’t get the benefits)

But women who stay with men pretending their not fussed about marriage but do a 180 once kids have come along and they’re part timing with no financial come back on the partner....if he didn’t marry you when you were younger and freer and life was easier and hopeful, why would he marry you now? When neither of you have slept properly in 3 years, you’re arguing over who has to go to sainsburies and you can’t recall your last shower

There’s a reason that tradition is tradition. Get married-have kids

*they’re

To be honest I look down on married women a little bit. I think the majority are a bit thick and gullible and only ever do what society expects them to do without ever thinking for themselves.

Seriously? Are you Alice from The Breakfast Club?

That’s the kind of comment I’d expect to hear from an angsty 17 year-old. You are either very bitter or very immature.

@Namechanger22 you make adult decisions on how unconventional and edgy they are and it’s married people who are “a bit thick”? Lol ok.

I cohabited for 28 years. Bought 3 homes and had 3 children with my boyfriend. We split up and I got half of everything as we were established that when we got together. How would this be different if we were married. Apart from the pension and him not getting any of my inheritance

In these discussions, you always get a few unpleasant posts from married women. So yes, if you're going to go down the "some married women" line, of course there are SOME. Although an awful lot of the time, they're simply stating facts about the difference in legal status between married and cohabiting.

But going on this discussion and the other one from the other day, it looks to me as though the actual hateful stuff - the insults, the bile, the misogyny - are coming largely from unmarried women. Not all, of course, not even a majority. Most posters, married or not, are simply sharing their own experiences and thought processes. But of the truly nasty posts, most of them seem to come from people who are not married.

I'll admit I haven't done a comprehensive study of the posts to count how many are from each perspective. But in the last few days, here and on the other thread, as a married woman I have been accused of being resentful, smug, thick, gullible, boring, conventional, defined by a man, validating my entire self worth around this one element of my life, comparable to a Ku Klux Klanner, having a relationship that's almost certain to fail at a certain point and I can't even remember the rest. If there are married women looking down on unmarried ones on here, rest assured that wives are getting plenty of kickings too.

At any rate, there appear to be a lot of people on here who will insist that our decision to make a life changing commitment was all about everything except the fact that we fell in love and wanted to make a legal commitment. Why do they want to think this? Why do they make such hateful and frankly idiotic judgments of everyone who entered into a legal commitment with their life partner? And would they apply these same judgments to married men?

I do like the idea that my husband is a tremendous prize and I beat off all the competition for him because I'm such a sexpot, though. You can keep that one.

I'm single and I have been for a long time. To be honest I look down on married women a little bit. I think the majority are a bit thick and gullible and only ever do what society expects them to do without ever thinking for themselves. I find very conventional people very boring

DON"T FEED THE TROLL, GUYS!

Did OP start this thread as a sort of "divide and rule" just when MN is getting more feminist and women here are supporting each other more than ever? I cannot see the point of starting this argument otherwise. And the gold-digging comment ffs. Let's not rise to it

i still believe that if you want the protections offered by marriage - get fucking married
its not and shouldnt come in by stealth (as in after X years living together)
if your DP wont marry, then think before becoming a SAHP and giving up your career, because why wont they marry? dont they think the relationship will last? then dont have DC

do what you want, i really don't care or think i am superior ( i am the high earner in my marriage with a SAHP) just dont whinge when you find yourself on your own with nothing as so often happens - my relationship has no bearing on yours and vice versa

^^THIS

I'm single and I have been for a long time. To be honest I look down on married women a little bit. I think the majority are a bit thick and gullible and only ever do what society expects them to do without ever thinking for themselves. I find very conventional people very boring

I'm chuckling at this one.

When I read some of the particularly hairy blended/step-family threads on MN, I feel pleased that my husband and I have managed to stick together, producing two relatively well-adjusted children within the dull confines (shackles?) of wedlock.

I hope that we've led by example and that my children will go on to do the same, because I believe it's the best way to raise children.

I don't care what others do.

Telling that a phrase like non-marrieds is acceptable but if one poster says she feels superior to married mothers she is haulled over the coals.
I dont feel superior to amybody but i think no being in a couple has been the making of a stronger sense of self in a world that is geared up for couples.

Also i realise that as i 100% own what i own im in a strong situation.

Apols for repost, but I'd still love a POV on my question posted yesterday:

Out of interest - to those posters who've said they're the higher earner and marriage wouldn't benefit them financially

If your DP became ill and unable to work, and therefore was in a more vulnerable financial position - would you marry to look out for his best interests?

Or if you had a DC needing full time care and one of you needed to give up work

Or if you became ill and unable to work

Basically, if there was an element of financial vulnerability in the committed partnership due to life circumstances - would you still be against marriage regarded of which partner could lose out from protections that may not have applied before?

I'm not mad about the phrase 'non married' or 'unmarried', but in a discussion about being married and not being married, it's hard to think of an alternative without making all the prose incredibly clunky to read.

The legal term is single but those cohabiting single people don't like that.

No, I didn't even consider using the term "single" because I thought that would be very offensive.

I hear you op. For a site pushing strong, independent, equality seeking women, nothing cries so needy as marrying a man for financial security. It is so very puzzling

The proportion of women on here who are the higher earners in their relationship, is small.

Typically, it is women who take a step back in their career when they have children.

Typically, when relationships break down, it is the women who is left holding the children.

So typically, it is women who need protecting.

Saying that, it isn’t just about protection. NOk is automatic if you are married. You take advantage of IHT rules.

Do you people seriously think that all married women are basking every day in the glow of their believed sexiness and unshakeable validation?

Not all and not consciously, but at the end of the day, human beings are animals. Men are pre programmed to spread their seed, women are pre programmed to select for the simple biological reason that men can procreate by having several women pregnant at the same time but women can only be pregnant by one man at a time. It's not a conscious smugness...nor is it all married women, but nothing validates your desirability more than the fact that a man has pledged his fidelity to you for life.

Why is it so offensive to you that a man and a woman would marry because they're in love and want to legalise it?

It's not in the least bit offensive...I never said it was

I hate to say it, but you sound as if you don't have any experience of love

Seriously...wtf?!

Not because you're not married but because, well...you're talking shit!

I haven't said whether I'm married or not so why have you come to that conclusion? Even married women can have opinions on other married women surely?

We'd all do better to ignore the more idiotic insults, most of which are probably from shit stirrers and trolls anyway. I think married women are like the KKK and unmarried women are like Al Qaeda. That's about the standard we're looking at here.

What is actually important is accurate information.

Basically, if there was an element of financial vulnerability in the committed partnership due to life circumstances - would you still be against marriage regarded of which partner could lose out from protections that may not have applied before?

Presumably as with men in this position, some of them will be arseholes people who don't want to share their wealth even with someone they've had children with and some will.

Gah autocorrect! Regardless - not regarded

Men are pre programmed to spread their seed, women are pre programmed to select for the simple biological reason that men can procreate by having several women pregnant at the same time but women can only be pregnant by one man at a time. It's not a conscious smugness...nor is it all married women, but nothing validates your desirability more than the fact that a man has pledged his fidelity to you for life.

Oh Jesus, you're of the Selfish Gene school of non-thought. According to your logic, men with low drive and women with high drive (God forbid, some of them even have casual sex) are basically evolutionary outliers. Not to mention infertile people or post-menopausal women who still insist on enjoying sex. And all the kinksters who do all sorts of things that have nothing to do with good old PIV conception-based sex. And gay people. And and and and and.

You do indeed sound as though you have no experience of love if this is how you view the decision to marry, human sexual behaviour and legal commitments.

As I said though, please keep pushing the line about me being the most beautiful and desirable woman my husband has ever met, among the legions who threw themselves at hime.

No, at the end of the day, human beings are animals. Women are in direct competition with each other to find a mate. Women who find one have 'won'. Of course, no one consciously thinks yes, I've won the prize when they are proposed to! As for all this 'you have no experience of love' comments...how rude, incorrect and indeed smug. I'm looking objectively at the human psyche.

I'm glad someone said it, and they way they seem to glorify in threads when relationships have gone wrong and the female wants advice. I see a lot of but your of you shoulda got married conversations. Marriage isn't affordable, and not for everyone.

Some women see it as a elite club, the same ones who think being a first wife is better than a second.