Aibu to say that home ed groups tend to be cliquey?

[bandthenjust]

Just that really. It'd be good to hear that I'm not the only one that's fighting an upward battle to be included in the groups

Oooh, I don't know yet. I'm planning to home ed my 1 year old but don't go to any home ed groups yet. I might find out in a few years' time! I promise I'm not at all cliquey though!

Yeah, they can be, same as any other group really.

Lol, I'm not either! this is the first term my children wont be going back to school, and I've been in contact with tonnes of local groups and I get the impression the adults are all mates and they don't want o utsiders coming in

cardiganandcuppa I know the way I said it comes across as it would never happen anywhere else, but it's taken me by surprise.

We've found the same for the past 12 months. The local group seemed to disband into some surrounding groups and they very much seem to not want anyone else joining. Even just contacting them is met with suspicion. :(

We go to one lovely one and one cliquey one - cliquey one is worth it for the activity and the kids aren't like it.

What would you like to see in terms of non-cliqueyness? I am doing a HE nature walk this term and want people to feel welcome but am not particularly good socially myself.

annieOH1 same. There's a group up the road from me, literally a ten minute walk, and they said my kids are too young to be involved. The youngest one there is three; mine are six and seven the 'spokesperson' of the group told me to go and find activities for my kids to do (as if I haven't) but what I was after was just SOMETHING where my kids can play with other kids where they're not being 'taught' something. It's depressing actually lol.

On further thought, the cliquey one is something where the kids can be safely allowed to do what they like for 2 hours while parents chat and drink coffee and the lovely one needs more parental involvement which I think builds camaraderie

I think it very much depends, we have found some were more clique-y than others, find the ones that suit you (and your dcs, of course) I found taking something to do with my hands was helpful, not a book or my phone, which cut me off from the other mums, but a piece of cross stitich or some knitting, or a cross word from the paper, then I was able to be there comfortably and chat if I felt like it, IYSWIM. it took time to get to know people (and there were lots of groups my son didn't suit as he has SEN and needs structure) but we have found a really fantastic community and lots of support. (you can also start your own group if you have an interest, or a skill)

I think it depends. I’ve been to cliquey ones and lovely ones. We’re lucky to have a lovely one for free play just a 10 minute walk away.

calpol tbh, I'd just like to be given a chance! The groups I've been contacting are through fb, and I 'm just gettin g s ent pillar to post. nobody wants t o know. I feel like I'm lettin g my kids down as I'm not representing them well enougn, but I don't know what else to do.

I've never met any of them in real life - never been invited to an event, and when I 've asked for details on 'public' events they've completely ignored me, or they've said it's unsuitable for my kids. I've thought about starting my own group, but I wou ldnt even know how to go about it!

Genuine question: Is a group where the children play without a learning goal really Home Ed-ing, or just a 'play date'?

ie Shouldn't you be finding activities, making friends through that, and then if you want to meet up to play at another time, that's what you?

teentimestwo good point. the group I'm mentioning is a play-date on a large scale; they use a hall and the kids will bring along toys etc and play amongst themselves. I've signed my two up for clubs and activities and been put on waiting lists.

My cousin home-schooled for about 5 years, and she said that many people go into it enthusiastically and then give up within 6 months. Could it be that the long-term home-schoolers don't want to "invest" in you and your DC until they know you are in it for the long haul?

Some are cliquey. Some are not. Some are really undisciplined and chaotic which wasn't for us.

tawdry dunno. If that's the case I thin k it's sad. I've been told my kids are too young, and I've been told that my kids wont fit in. The group is also 'too big' (and then a new family joined AFTER they told me that), and then I've also been told to 'find some activities'. I should clarify that I've not made a nuisance of myself, I haven't harassed or pestered, or continually asked to joi n.

My local (city's) fb grou p keep recommending the group in question to me; they keep puttin g me in contact with the same people who clearly don't want to know. Is it just a persis tance thing where I'm going to have to keep searching for groups?

band they really are shit then! Have you made contact with anyone friendly individually? Watch out for anyone else new in the Facebook groups and pounce on anyone looking for someone to meet up with.

My local fb group is pretty dead lol. a couple of new people joined, and after the initial hellos, they disappear. I check back daily, I'll just keep on at it. I'm glad to know I'm not the on ly one who's gone through it!

Is a group where the children play without a learning goal really Home Ed-ing

Of course it it. The evolutionary purpose of a child's play is learning. They will learn a surprising amount through play and what the learn they will learn far more effectively. Beyond anything academic, social interactions, learning how to communicate effectively with your peers, how to compromise and work co-operatively towards a goal are all essential life skills that can't really be learned any way other than playing with peers. I home educated my only child last year and by far and away the absolutely most beneficial outings were those where he just got to play, especially outside in nature.

I can't say I've come across any cliquey groups. I always felt everyone I met was very warm and friendly. However I did notice over time that groups often formed based on life philosophies. The very Christian families would all make an effort to attend certain meet-ups. The very pagan/new agey/anti-vaxxer families were always sure to be at others. Etc. These weren't promoted as being for families with those philosophies but I guess over time likeminded people just congregated together. And while that's understandable, I also found it might have been sneakily divisive.

I live in a town with a small home ed community. There is another region with a slightly bigger home ed community about 15 minutes to the north. Another area with a number of home ed families about 15 minutes south. And a couple more about 20 minutes east. The people in the northern area almost always organise meet ups that are about 20 minutes north west of them. I could never get my head around it, they weren't going to any special location. Just a park or playground of the kind that there were plenty of in areas that would have been equally convenient for everyone. I've started to suspect that on some level it was a way of discouraging families from the other areas from attending.

trancepants I'm hap py someone else has noticed this and it's not newbie paranoia. Ive been told to join a Christian group, but I'd have to attend the local church first (and my fami ly isn't religious). Also had a gro up recommend ed to me which is a three hour drive away after telling them I don't drive. The city in which I live has a good sized HE community, and it appears everyone knows each other but don't mix outside their immediate area of residence.
If I'm honest, I feel a bit stuck.

To be honest many long term home edders get a bit fed up with new people getting in contact and then either never going through with HE or giving up after a few months - maybe give a few groups a chance and when you prove you are a starter you may find things different.

Having said that your experience seems quite odd. Are you on the right Facebook group - many areas have a gateway group pretty much just to make first contact and then you get added to the full group - most areas have absolutely loads and loads of different groups and activities and once you get the details many you can just turn up to. But they will never post these details on the public site. Are you very rural? Or not a driver? That could be why you are just being pushed towards one group. Seems odd as well that you are on waiting lists for lots of activities - some book up quick but far more struggle for numbers.

Yes of course they can be cliquey but no more than anywhere else and far less than most in my experience.

We are at a HE camp at the moment and you couldn't meet a more friendly group of people

I haven't really found it so, but I don' go to many of the established groups, just joined the facebook groups. I live a fair bit away from where these groups are based. I was lucky in that a skatepark/youthclub near me decide just about the time I decided to HE that they wanted to offer something to HEers. They set up a time that we could use the park at a very much reduced rate and I advertised it within the closed groups, so I am very much seen as facilitating it.

I have met quite a gew people through this, then when I went to the #HomeEdInSight picnic, there wee a few there I knew and a few new people I met.

basecamp t he general impression I got was H.E folks are really, really nice! I live in a city and there is on ly one 'main' facebook group, and everyo ne on it is friendly and helpful. When I mentioned meet-ups etc, it was almost as if tumbleweed went rolling by. I got a very evasive response and was asked what area I lived in. They then directed me to the group I've been speaking about.
I don't drive. Travelling is iffy for me as my eldest gets horrific travel sickness that makes her feel crap for the majority of the day. My local group is a ten minute walk from my home. If it was a group aimed at kids of a certain age etc I'd be totally fine with it, if it was a small group and they intend to keep it that way that's cool.